How To Build Your Self-Esteem

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▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:00 - Reddit post
01:48 - How to build positive self-esteem
06:59 - The internalization of external expectations
09:56 - Answers to "How do I develop self esteem?"
13:44 - Expectations vs Who Am I?
15:25 - Missing a piece of the equation
19:29 - Self defeating mindset
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[wolfofwar]

Dr K is basically re-writing how I think about the way I treat myself, and how I interact with people around me... It's still rough, but slowly things are seeming better, and I feel like I can handle things with a bit more confidence than 2 months ago.

[JonezBBQ]

I'm a soccer coach and I am a firm believer in building up your self-esteem and confidence through successful and unsuccessful repetitions of the same action. What I love about my job is that I can apply the same principles of coaching and training to my everyday life. You want to build up the confidence to pass the ball better? Pass the ball more. You want to build up self-esteem to talk to people in public? Talk to people in public. The more we show our brain success in a certain area, the more likely we are to have confidence in that area because we've "proven" to ourselves that we can.

[matchamixing]

People assume ego is only at play for people who are overly-confident when it's just as relevant for people who feel insecure. The sooner we realize that, the sooner we can start change

[fishraposo]

My way to build self steem is pretty hands-on:
Make a small promise to yourself, and keep it. One little promise at a time and you will slowly gain trust in yourself.

[noname-zpzk]

the voice in my head, the one of anxiet, is slowly changing into dr k's voice and its so amazing and everytime i think smth irrational i hear him outsmart it and it brings a smile to my face in all honesty i love this dude and everything he's done for my mental health gg dr.k

[TheBigL]

This was a lot more thought-provoking than I expected. I've had zero self-esteem for longer than I can remember, hold myself to different expectations than I do others, deflect compliments and praise, and shoot down solutions for problems all the time with things like "I'm autistic and ADHD so there's really nothing that can be done about this", "I shouldn't need help with this", or "I don't trust myself not to fuck this up beyond all recognition". I need to think more on why I'm so convinced the outcomes of the things I do reflect on my value as a person.

[vardhansolanki]

I just finished delivering a huge presentation at work that I got a lot of recognition and praise for. Through all of it and even still now, I feel like people were praising me and my presentation out of pity because I think that they think that I was nervous. This is helping me realize that maybe I’m framing they’re praise through my perception of myself which is that I’m not a great presenter / communicator.

I feel like I delivered really well and even practiced countless times, but I can’t get over thinking that they’re giving me praise because “I’m a young professional” and i was nervous but made it through.

This video is helping me realize that I am a good communicator and that I actually probably did deliver a good presentation. I need to reframe my perspective on other’s comments and appreciation.

Thank you Dr. K ❤️

[somewhere_forever]

i needed something like this right now, thank you dr K

[TheDhammaHub]

Nothing works better than actually _knowing by experience_ that you are very good at something due to your own work

[adamryan]

I think in terms of self esteem. It's about finding ways to cope and eventually break the cycle of low self worth and esteem. It's very very difficult especially if you have been through some dark stuff in childhood/teenage years. It does cause mental health issues but I think anyone can recover from anything and family can cause some mental health problems.

[cdiessner]

I know for a while that I've been entangled in this belief that my career path isn't good enough, that I should have discovered my true purpose at this point. But I also realize this mental dissatisfaction has caused me to perform worse at my job and feel very low about myself, sabotaging my efforts to pursue other things outside of my life. The timing on this video has been impeccable and has given me an effective toolset for questioning these outdated thought patterns.

[ostrichlord]

A much needed video right now. I've recently headed back to uni after taking a suspension due to suffering from depression. Alot of my family are also rather dismissive of me for falling victim to such an illness, mostly because they've always placed a massive amount of expectations on my shoulders that I've never failed to meet. After being in such a place of weakness, both emotionally and physically, I realised how much people take the opportunity to take advantage. However, I've recently gone back to uni and studied with great classmates and a wonderful tutor. Through working hard again and getting results I've started to feel better. Now I cook every day and write something. Seeing myself accomplish something, even small mundane things, really reinforces my self-esteem.

It took over a year to realise, but I accept that not everything currently affecting me is a representation of my character. Crap happens. It's fine.

My family has noticed this change in my mindset and scarily try to put me down because I'm doing more than I ever used to before my depression. It's unfortunate, but the fact that the biggest issue people have with me is that I'm doing well, I know I'm heading in the right direction. This video has helped reinforce how I feel.

Keep striving bros, and realise that you're all human too. Give yourselves the consideration you give others. Y'all deserve it :)

[Khora]

I developed my self-esteem when I had my first BAD, BAD year. I took a year of two for myself, didn't get into relationships, tried to understand about my past, heal my traumas, live by myself... it's almost like I became my own friend and recognized what I am capable of. It's not anything absurd, but I am very happy with who I am. My anxiety got considerably better, my need to excell in classes or games disappeared and my attachment also felt more secure.

[saturationstation]

this made me realize how much value i place on others view of me. probably way too much. but i feel like im not in the position to not think that way. because i have to rely on other people to be alive at all. this also made me realize how hurtful a lot of the stuff i've said or thought is towards other people. because they likely place a lot of their self worth in the same way as i do

[celdor]

It is amazing to me how you can understand things about your own behaviour 15 or 20 years after things have happened and look at what you thought would be stuck with you forever in a different light. It's kind of unbelievable that all along there was a key to understanding yourself, healing and changing and at the same time you believed firmly there was no possible such key.

[jjmcvideo]

Dr K is amazing, this whole community is amazing. My biggest self takeaway: How did I conclude that my life is only fulfilled if I can be with my ex?
The missing equation message is very strong. Internalising external information is something I need to work on, but just like a wrong calculation. You will always get the wrong answer if you give yourself the wrong formula.

[markusbrendon]

13:20 that part foward hitted me so hard, e feel exactly like this, i push people up but deminish my self to a point of worthlessness, and i try to fight it, but it always come back

[calvindthao]

Dr k voice is just so calming. I find myself always revisiting the same videos to be re-taught the same thing and lately, trying to really set aside time to address the internal insecurities and fears that I avoid
Thank you, Dr. K

[arukisubiki]

Ego X external factors
Self esteem is based on 3 factors:
1. Unconditional human worth
2. Love
3. Growing

Worth is not compatible or competitive
Market/social worth can increase (money, status) but worth is stable and never in jeopardy, even if someone rejects you

Emotional detachment - emotionally mirroring - feeling secure, self esteem is built

[inkarnator]

I am realizing about myself that I am used to using my critical thinking power to find ways in which I can blame myself, which leaves me with little energy left to use it on analyzing critically what's happening around me in order to come to proper conclusions about what's what. I am coming to realize that I need a degree of foundation within myself for having enough energy left to somewhat accurately perceive the cracks that are present externally.