How to Make Friends

In which Hank talks about friends, why they're important, and how we make them. TL;DR, don't take advantage of good friends, they are extremely important and very rare. Acquiring new ones is hard, especially inorganically...but you can increase your chances by finding places where you can have repeated, unplanned interactions with the same people, being receptive to people, and open to conversation. And, of course, thinking carefully about people, being thoughtful, and asking them to help you out every once in a while.

Also, don't get married to people who aren't your friend. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!

[purrrrrpleful]

0:56 "share really intimate things about your broken-ness with"
I've watched a few videos on how to make friends today and this is one of the best lines I've heard, a really great way of summing up friendship.

[Novjuly]

I'm starting to realize that in the transition from high school to college to serious-college I've lost all my friend friends, and now all I have are acquaintances. I would like to change that, but it takes a lot of time and effort--which I don't have because college. Lonely. :(

[TheOtherKT]

"When you don't have good friends, it can be really hard to find them."

This has been my personal experience these past couple years.

[devonk]

We Need a tee-shirt saying "imagine complexly"

[abidoran]

For the longest time, I have been telling my friends who insist on having boyfriends their freshman year of high school to find someone who loves them because they are different, not despite that they are different. And now, almost two years after this video was posted, I find that Hank thinks the same thing.

[RilianSharp]

My bestfriend and I met in 2008 because our moms knew each other, but all we said was Hi.  Then in 2009, I fell on the stairs and sprained my ankle and when I was screaming at the top of my lungs, she was the one who found me and got me help.  Then in 2011, we had a class together, and I saw that she was reading artemis fowl, which I had never read, but I knew about it, and it's a kids book, so I thought, "Hey, another college student who reads kids books!  I can talk to this person!" So I timidly said to her "I like to read kids books too...." and then the next class day, I sat next to her, and then like a day later I went over to her house and we talked for hours and hours about everything we could think of and we had so much in common and now we're best friends : ) ^_^ :D ILY

[veenbeen]

Hank, this video meant a lot to me. I've been going through some really tough times with close friends I simply don't get along with anymore, and "breaking up" has been really hard and made me quite depressed for a few months. To hear you say that "breaking up" is ok means the world to me. Now I can move on.

[rebeccacohen]

Watching this makes me feel like I only have 2 "friends." Now the reason I put quotations is because those two people are the only people I've shared my deepest darkest secrets with. Sure, I have others that make me laugh and i like to talk to and sit at the lunch table with them, but they don't know the stuff that those other two don't- or at least I don't think they do.

Also I found this video really helpful- and a little nerve-racking. I hate talking to new people+making friends and I get so nervous that I'm gonna say something stupid. But watching this video just goes to show that you can't feel like that, or at least try to ignore it and TALK. Not so hard. We all have mouths.

✌🏼

[doodlepony]

"The process of Betting two people together had become an industry, " says the man who modernized Jane Austen's Emma by making Emma a professional romantic relationship person thing.

[ZoggFromBetelgeuse]

Thank you, Earthling! Another priceless contribution to my field research on your planet. Human social mechanics are anything but easy to understand for us alien visitors.

[WhitestWaters]

I always think I'm really anti social because I don't make friends easily but with your definition of friendship I've come to realise that it's a good thing because all my friends are people I trust and can share my "broken-ness with" and they with me, and we are still friends. I thank God for that.

[meaggggan]

You made this video at the perfect time for me. I was just having a conversation with my mom about how my supposed "friends" don't really care enough about me and she too said that it is okay to break up with friends. Thanks hank for always making the best videos at the best times. (:

[Ursikos]

Don't cry over the lack of friends. If you have one friend who is there for you, for your tough times, to help you feel better, to listen to your troubles, to actually care for you, that is more than enough. There is no minimum or maximum for friendship. When I realized I can count my close friends on my fingers, I cried because I have close friends :')

[JustinRVitez]

I feel like it's hard to make friends.

[fizzylimon]

That whole idea of "it's okay to break up with friends" was something that I didn't realize for a very long time. I kind of expected friendships I didn't like to mutually die out, but some people really needed to be told "you are not a good influence on the kind of life I want to have, so we shouldn't be friends anymore." It's okay to do that!

[bugly]

Ah, thank you! Well, I've been dealing with 3 friendship break ups of my my own over the past 3 or 4 years, and I know how it feels when the people you thought were meant to be your closest friends...end up not being. I just want people to know it does get better.

[BeeNaaa]

Now in 2016, i still very much thank you for this video.

[peregrination]

I find potential friends show their irreverent side once you bring up serious things. If it's not casual academic banter (for intellectual potential friends), "what have you been up to?" kind of regular conversations, or task oriented people shrug it off. And ultimately, what I've noticed over the years after my childhood friends grew apart and I had to try befriending people that I didn't grow up with, they don't let me into their "inner circle." They aren't jerks, but they have their childhood friends, church friends, family friends, and whatever else they have. They're nice to me and occasionally hang out, but ultimately my efforts for a deeper relationship are ignored.

[EllieElectric]

This video came at exactly the right time. Just been divorcing some friends. Always a painful process but necessary for a healthy life. Thank you, Hank, for making me feel a lot better about the process. :)

[kkilinahe]

I met my best friend in elementary school. Me, a lonely third grader, and my now best friend, a new student from another school. I was assigned to show him around. We got into an argument, and spent more than a year calling each other names and resenting each other. Then, one day, my friend asked for it to stop. I said why not. And like you said, Hank, you have to ask each other difficult questions. And that's what we've been doing ever since.