Feelings: Handle them before they handle you | Mandy Saligari | TEDxGuildford

Feelings are what we have the most of and know the least about; handle them or they will handle you

Mandy’s first contact with the world of addiction, mental health and recovery was when she came into treatment in 1990. Her passion for therapy and its potential for change ignited here, inspiring her to make therapy her life’s work. Alongside a growing private practice Mandy always gave time to promote early intervention through lectures on addiction, emotional coping mechanisms and self-esteem as part of the PSHE (Personal, Social & Health Education) provision within independent schools. In 2008, with a busy private practice and many years of recovery under her belt, Mandy founded CHARTER Harley Street, an outpatient centre treating addiction and trauma using her pioneering model of care.

[kadelu]

Had to catch my breath when she said she asked the parents: "Why would your daughter feel at home with people who are troubled?"

[ScarlettBrescia]

“Why is it her role to be an emotional shock absorber” omg that hit, that hit so hard. Thankful for this

[joylinemudzingwa]

I'm learning to give myself the love I desperately want to give other people.

[sakinahaych]

Literally burst into tears at the part when she said that the girl who was once a goody two shoes goes on to be with someone high maintenance because she’s so used to seeing her worth through the lens of being the caretaker all the time 💔

[myoakoloove]

I broke down in tears when she described the whole "good girl"... I felt everything to my bones.... Because lately I felt tired of everything and wanting everything and nothing from everybody and nobody at the same time... I really had no idea this was me...

[raraavis]

You know it's a great talk if you take your tablet with you when you take out the trash because you don't want to stop listening for even two minutes!

[rafiqrashad]

This video clearly shows that how you have been treated in your childhood greatly influences how you will feel about yourself when you grow up .

[avivahanaizdihara]

How to take care of yourself;
1. Say nice things to yourself. Create a relationship with a part of yourself that might feel vulnerable.
2. Write down what you're grateful today.
3. Simply be your own best friend. Treat yourself like your own best friend, ok?
4. Self-respect; it's not always just about giving, but it's also about receiving, the ability to say 'i need help', or 'no'. Be true to yourself.

[mzukisindzipo]

She hit the nail on the head! There is so much healing from childhood wounds that this TED Talk provides. One might just have to listen to it more than a dozzen times to really let the message take root in one's mind!

[MariposaRedimida]

I decided not to have children because I can barely handle my own emotions. Just being in the presence of a screaming child in a public space puts me in a bad mood. A lot of this resonated with me, I think I need to listen once again actually. Very real talk.

[FreeJulianAssange]

This 18 minute speech taught me more about who I am then 2.5 years self isolating watching around 800 hours of YouTube obsessively trying to find these answers and 34 years of caring about everyone but myself ending up all alone at the end anyways. Tears flowing Thank you so much for validating me for the first time.

[mariamhakhyan]

This is one of those rare ted talks where the speaker doesn't act to hold your attention. She is natural and really knows what she is talking about.

[nancyearley]

I've made a new promise to myself to watch this once a day...AND I just walked by the mirror and said "Hello Gorgeous!"

[tessacyclone]

emotional healing to remove the feelings we try to "medicate" . once you give up on others approval then life truly begins

[jitkasuarez]

"And actually what you wanted to do was get out of your skin, leave that behind and be someone else!" Daydreaming addict, here. This pretty much sums it up and it looks so simple, or perhaps it's being older and being aware I'm not the only one, but growing up the shame was so profound. So insidious. How can you ask for help when you dont believe you deserve it? What a poison. I'm thankful for the people who have the courage to give themselves a chance and who develop such wisdom to share with us-- especially when therapy is not affordable. Thank you Mandy

[chatterrrbox]

"..remain invested in the curiosity, instead of in the offense - when we meet people.." Well said!

[Spilled_Oatmeal]

As a person who has been talkative my whole life, I've been told I talk too much, that I'm too dramatic and that I'm annoying. I heard these phrases so much from my parents and siblings when I was younger.
before I turned 18 and moved out we moved 14 times. SIMPLY BECAUSE MY MOM WANTED TO. My parents were yellers until I turned 15 and by then I wad already a "good girl turned rebel" type of person. I went from bad relationship to bad relationship for two years until I met my husband, who has been such a great influence on me.
Now I'm a mom and I struggle with the snapping at my children as well as the resentment.
I totally feel like this talk was made for me, it applies so perfectly. Thanks for giving this talk.

[JJ-yuog]

who here is addicted to other people's love, attention and approval??

[falconbritt]

That passage about 13 minutes in - "I judge how I feel against how you look." - and elaboration is truly priceless. We aren't just trained in people pleasing and codependency. We're trained into misperceiving the nature of reality.

[CatLadyKorea]

I need to rewatch this again and again. YouTube, bring me back to this regularly.