8 Signs That A Narcissist Cannot Change

Narcissists like to think of themselves as the standard bearers for the way things should be. But Dr. Les Carter suggests that they are merely stuck in a rut of self-serving reasoning. He highlights eight distinct ways that illustrate they are not maturing, but caught in change resistant patterns.

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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.

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[SurvivingNarcissism]

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[ASMRyouVEGANyet]

Yes, they create drama and then complain about your reaction. Then they'll turn themselves into the victim of the drama. I actually find it to be an amazing talent to do this type of mental gymnastics.

[fred.k]

Narcissists don’t change, they get worse, they upgrade!

[rwdchannel]

The narcissist sees you as pathetic and anything you say that's not 100% in agreement or worship of the narcissist is seen as an insult. Don't even try to change the narcissist unless you want to waste years of your life only to be disappointed.

[teresacotton]

1- Ridicule you
2- inflated sense of their own uniqueness
3- habit of blameshifting
4- strong need to be in control
5- seek out people who will prop them up- people pleasers
6- skeptical and Cynical
7- create drama, then blame you
8- repeat maladaptive behaviors

Thanks Sr C for a great tape.

I gave up arguing, pleading or anything else. I odentified the passive aggressive behavior before NPD, then realized its a trait of Narcissism. 😃

[grantaugustyniak]

Their lack of insight is because they can’t get passed thinking about themselves

[douaa]

Most importantly is the acceptance that narcissists dont change. My biological parents have alzheimer's and they are still narcissistic

[nammyohorengekyo]

I don’t think I will finally have true peace until I can get get out of this situation and never have to see my narcissist again.

[alastairwest]

It's not so much that they can't change, they don't want to change...

[angelamwatts]

We cannot change a narcissist's way of thinking and their toxic behavior, but we can change ourselves by accepting them for who they are and more importantly, stop living our lives as the narcissist's victim. We can do this by setting boundaries and by forgiving the narcissist and moving forward. Forgiveness doesn’t always mean that a relationship can be repaired but it can enable us all to focus on more positive steps for the future. These people are very broken human beings and sadly they go through life living in an alternate reality and to be honest, it's to their own detriment.

[jenblum]

I am gobsmacked at how my own behavior was much like this narcissist. I grew up with conformity & never learned harmony. I am just understanding self awareness at 46! Thank God for my husband's patience and constant, intentional support/encouragement.

[lastjob]

'Wicked' is the word to describe them. They listen intently for any word you speak where they can hop on. Arguments with my ex-husband were futile. We could start arguing about who didn't refill the ice tray (him) and he would interject about the proper way to feed our dogs(stir, not fold the food). He got scared when he looked at my search history for YouTube and noticed I was looking at videos about narcissism. Once I finally realized what had been happening to me for years, it empowered me.
"I never want to see your face again" was the last thing I said to him. That was September 2016.

[elcee]

I’ve always been stymied by how they don’t see the contrast of how they are compared to others. It’s so obvious.

[healerscreek]

"That's just the way I am." Said my ex-narcissist many, many, many times when I tried to address relationship issues, until I said, OK BYE!!!

[darrynreid]

In my experience, "cannot change" seems a vast understatement, like describing Jack The Ripper as "a bit angry" or trilobites as "rarely found alive". Even a rock slowly changes over time due to natural weathering processes; these people put a lot of energy into not changing. There's a deliberate wilful pigheadedness to it that would have been difficult to believe if not for being on the recieving end of their abuse over a long period of time.

[WorldOfARandomVegan]

They repeat the same behaviour all the time, no matter what they say. Same behaviour 5 years ago, 5 months ago, 5 minutes ago, despite the hell they cause!

[benjaminmcclain]

A narcissist I used to be acquainted with once said, "I'd apologize, but I'm just to proud to ever admit that I did something wrong". Toxic red flag.

[Matrinique]

This is so important to understand: THEY CANNOT CHANGE.

Thank you again, Dr. Carter, for these videos.

[Hatbox]

I've known my narc about 23 years, and he hasn't changed. I'd say he's gotten worse with age. In public he's pleasant, but at home there are no good days. He's always been lazy (although he had a good work ethic), and now it's gotten really bad as far as personal hygiene, etc.

[druchampion-payne]

Last month my mother-in-law passed away, age 98 ....
And I've known her for over 35 years and I never saw any changes from her. She remained mean & sometimes even cruel to the bitter end. So the last two months of her life she went into hospice care and she was still very aware and cognitive. I thought for *sure* that I would receive an apology from her for how she has treated me all these years. But no. And I've never done anything wrong>>I've been a good & faithful wife, devoted to my husband and our 4 children. It's not like I was a cheater, or had a criminal history or did drugs -- giving her cause to distrust & dislike me. No, I am miss goody two shoes. The problem has been that she was very jealous of me, so my only crime was being the 'other' woman in her sons life and she couldn't control me. That's why she hated me. Knowing her, she was probably waiting for an apology from me. And trust me, I have spent hours upon hours, racking my brain, trying to figure out what I might be sorry for. I come up empty, and I still can't figure out what I've *done* to her. A counselor once told me that she's jealous of me, so that's the only thing that makes the most sense. Plus, I stopped putting up with her abuse and simply began distancing myself from seeing my mother-in-law, only once in a while. So how dare I set healthy boundaries for myself lol. Apparently it was expected that I put up with her constant criticism and ridicule.