How to Say NO | Stop People Pleasing!

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Give yourself permission to say no! This has been an issue for me especially in the past couple months. Sometimes I feel like I'm being pulled in all directions and everybody seems to want a piece of me—it can be very draining. I've realized that I don't need to prove myself to anyone. I should be better about taking care of myself and protecting my energy, and only say yes when I feel that YES with my entire body. And if my intuition isn't feeling it, I can deliver a "high quality no" in a way that is respectable to myself and others.

Let me know how you feel about this in the comments! Do you have any tips of your own on how to say NO? Any advice would be lovely!

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FILMED & EDITED BY AILEEN XU

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// A B O U T

I’m Aileen, a lifestyle blogger sharing knowledge and inspiration on creating your dream life.

Lavendaire is my blog about personal growth + lifestyle design. Follow along and learn how you can create a life that you love.

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Disclaimer: This is NOT a sponsored video.
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often when you say NO to others, you say YES to yourself :)

yuyugo
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If you can't say no, people will take advantage of you. Even people you trust, because they become dependent on you always saying yes.

kiterafrey
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This was awesome! And the Oprah quote solidified it for me. I AM a good person, and saying no doesn't make me a bad person. Thanks, Aileen!

blufaerie
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I wish I had learnt this sooner. I've done so many things I didn't want to! I even had a wedding that I didn't really want and I didn't actually enjoy the day till I could get home and relax... I've wasted so many hours on people who I don't enjoy spending time with just so I don't seem "mean"

lizcourtney
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Oh my god, this is so relatable! I recently quit a voluntary job, because they kept on taking advantage of me. I was a User Interface/Graphic Designer and they started pushing me to do more and more things, that were out of my agreed role and out of my comfort zone, they threatened me in the end and I just gave up my good people pleasing side and simply said NO. I will not take abuse, especially for something I am not getting paid for. You really have to put yourself first.

jonelafilms
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Nah to the ah to the no no no
I need to say "no" more often. People take advantage of the people who constantly say yes

RehannahB
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I relate so much! To me, this is so much about setting boundaries - I have been working on saying no / setting boundaries a lot lately, and it. is. so. hard. Especially for a people-pleaser and fellow non-confrontational person like me. But I heard this great thing recently that setting boundaries (ie: saying what is okay with you and what is not) is actually an act of love.

If you say yes to something you don't really want to say yes to, it builds up resentment. Saying no is a way of setting boundaries, honoring yourself, and ultimately, loving the other person more. Brene Brown has been talking about this recently - when someone violates your boundaries, you're much more likely to have resentment and talk about that person behind their back. But when you are firm about your boundaries, you honor yourself. And it really is up to US to set our own boundaries - naturally, people will take our time, but it's up to US to protect our time, say no, and preserve our boundaries. She says that the kindest, most compassionate people she's ever met are the ones who set boundaries the best.

Anyway, I'm working on this one big time...and I think it's just one of those ongoing things, there's no "mastery", I think it'll always be kinda hard...but that's when you know you're moving in the right direction :)

lillianchang
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Russian subtitles are available! Click "CC" and check the video settings 💕

lavendaire
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i dont feel guilty because if you say no you will actulley get respected

steverfc
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Thanks so much for making this video, dear! So many of us need to learn how to say no and these were some great thoughts! Keep up the good work!

NatalieBennett
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this is my life girl! I am a people pleaser and it's also really hard for me to say NO, it makes me feel mean and the though that what will the other side think about me, I totally understand you,
I am working on myself at the moment too,
good luck sweety, I believe in you and don't ever forget that you are the most important person in your own life !
you go girl :)

noorasalman
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Yea, sometimes it's hard to say no but I always remind myself that I deserve to say no for myself

StyleMeChummy
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Such an important topic that most people don't hear about! I'm glad to be hearing you insight on it. Thanks Aileen ♡

Enchantelle
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This resonates with me so much! I hate letting down anyone and sometimes when people request to do things with me or there are events/parties I don't want to attend, I feel like I might miss something. Overall I am getting better at saying no but I am nowhere near close to be being where I want to be in that regard. I believe if it's just fear that wants me to stay put and say no, I should do it anyway but in any other case where I feel like I am constantly sacrificing my time for things I don't enjoy, I should be consequent and listen to my inner voice. Thanks for always keeping my mind wandering and thinking about how I can still work on myself😊

Thrark
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Going the extra mile for someone does not mean that they will go the extra mile for you in return. Do you really want to plan an elaborate surprise party for someone who may not even tell you happy birthday? Or are you cool with a very belated gift. People bring their ownselves down with the help of others at times. Don't allow that. 👏

geraldjohansen
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Learning to say no is a long process, but we all need to give ourselves a permission to say no, when we feel it that way 🙂

Klara_is_finding_herself
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Thanks Aileen for giving us such useful advice. I realize that I'm saying YES too much. Whenever my friends tell me anything, I'd try my best to accept them. And it's made myself tired and always in a hurry. Now I know that not that always saying YES would prove myself to be kind, I can do every single thing from my heart so that everyone else can feel that I respect them. Thanks

khanhhuyennguyen
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you definitely need to have more subscribers! you just inspire so much people

BerylEmerald
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This is such a good lesson to learn! Also great to hear again!

planningwithjohn
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Wish all the people around me were like you!

mariyehgmaramawi