How to Say No to People (and Protect Our Yes!) Feat. ADHD People Pleasers

ADHDers are often people pleasers, and tend to have a hard time setting our boundaries when confronted. So when we are in those situations, how can we say no to people, and guard our yes in the process?

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Music for "How to Say No to People (and Protect Our Yes!) Feat. ADHD People Pleasers"
"The Show Must Be Go”, “Life of Riley”
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0

[matthewmillar]

A co worker of mine once decided to start walking every day, before going out for the evening. She said at first when people invited her out before her walk, they were upset to get turned down, but after a while, "let's go to Mikes place, oh come on, you can walk after" turned into "have you had your walk yet?"

[sageordnung]

How convenient that this video comes available right as I’m considering skipping lunch to get through more of my work day even though I did that yesterday and crashed pretty hard. Now I ate lunch, drank some water, and feel MUCH better! Thanks guys! 😇

[clausm]

“Not now is just future now and future me is still me.”
Omg the insight that gave. i heard it on repeat 10 times. It sounds so easy and obvious, but it is not. I really needed to hear that.
Thank you.

[GoADHDGo]

If it’s hard to say “no”, try saying “I’m at capacity”.

It’s totally a cringey business world saying but it gets the point across quickly and efficiently.

[melaleuca]

"Other people's emotions are not my responsibility" is a really difficult lesson I am teaching myself at 25. They can feel however they feel and there is nothing I can or should try to do about their feelings. I can change my behavior, but that should be based a boundary of theirs, not based on me adhering to my own boundaries.

I used to skip on bedtime routines for years, which also meant skipping on morning routines. I would stay up talking to friends whose schedules are later than mine, because I wanted to spend time with them and I didn't want to ask them to be flexible, seeing it as an imposition instead of a boundary. So I sacrificed sleep for other people for years. Now, it's "I have to go at ten/I need you to leave by ten" or whatever time I need to leave by to get good sleep.

And if it disappoints people, it disappoints people. Other people's emotions are not my responsibility. Anyone who is really going to be a good friend to me will respect boundaries like that and find a way that also respects their boundaries to make things work.

[jillolantern]

recently i was helping with an event at school and they asked me to help with something in addition to what i was helping with already. i looked at my schedule and realized i couldn't do both so i asked which one was more important. i was so proud of myself for not overworking myself but i still need reminders sometimes. thanks for this video :)

[jimmyeatworldfan]

I can't believe this video came out RIGHT NOW. Like, you've helped me through many a crisis, but with this one, your timing in impeccable. I was crying last night about being overwhelmed and about friends making me feel bad because I can't handle the things they can, and this couldn't have come out at a better time.

As always, it is a joy to watch your content.

[TheBelle]

I had to practice my “saying no” responses. It felt silly at first, but when it came time to actually say no, I was prepared and avoided defaulting to “yes”. 10/10 would recommend!

[MiddletonPlays]

This is something I've been working on in therapy after being a people pleaser for most of my life! Now I'm focusing more on myself for a change!😊

[AdamDuffArt]

Just wanna say - you’re amazing
You’ve offered me more valuable insight into my 8 year old sons ADHD - you have had a meaningful and positive impact on my understanding of him - which has brought so much to our relationship in general

When and if you can upload - It will always put a smile on my face, thank you 😊

[HIDDENADHD]

I people pleased most of my life until I ended up broke divorced and earning minimum wage at 33. Now at 40, I still consider myself a recovering people pleaser. The struggle is real! 😬

[rheaceleste]

I actually clicked like mainly because you said “or don’t. Because you’re allowed to say no.” People have always used guilt to get me to say yes even after I’ve said no because they knew it would work on me. And the consolation commitment is real!! I always do that to the most extreme. It’s quite sad.

[HyperDefective]

When I bought my car a few years ago, I remember the salesperson trying to sell me on gap insurance. I kept 'basically' saying no, but being a people pleaser, I was also pretending that I wanted to hear more info (even though I already knew what it was and its benefits). This went on for about 45 minutes before I eventually had to just be like "No, I really don't want it"
Even that made me feel bad lol

[hipi]

I was diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive type) and ASD only very recently after a lifetime of wondering what was "wrong" with me. My psychiatrist wrote your channel name on a piece of paper and told me to watch you! Thank you for creating so much useful, insightful and just plain amazing content. The diagnoses was not really a shock, more of a AHA! Moment and your channel is really helping me a lot!

[Dranguinidae_Opalux]

There are definitely moments where I say yes too easy, but sometimes I say no too easy too. When people are being spontaneous and ask me to join them, I tend to get very torn between wanting to and not being sure I do, and I end up just picking the most passive option and usually do not go with them. My body is less hyperactive than my brain, and when people make sudden plans and invite me I am overwhelmed by my thoughts. I can't just expect people to always tell me in advance though, even if I'd like them too, cause they may not have known before then anyway. I end up not doing things and regretting it.

[cloudrachel]

that "will i do this tomorrow" thing is so good! omg. that's perfect for me. and "its ok for someone to be disappointed" is really what I need to hear. i can't handle when I think someone has a negative feeling towards me. I'm working on being ok with that though, because people can have those feelings but that doesn't mean they define you that way. its not an all or nothing thing. ah its hard, but I can do it. i can change my unhelpful thinking

[Someone-cdyi]

And the most important thing to remember, saying no doesn't mean your a bad person. There are a million different responsibilities in life, you don't have to bear them all or at the same time.

[TheBiggestMoronYouKnow]

As a person with ADHD it’s nice to not only be in a space that understands, but also one where I can learn more about myself! You’re a life saver 😊

[lism]

I just want to say thank to every single brain and heart that loves this channel. I was finally diagnosed as combined type ADHD yesterday at 44 years old and it is because of this channel and every single one of you. So thank you everyone xx

[RenaissanceGirl]

Thank you so much for this! I have a really hard time saying no because I don't want to disappoint anyone or hurt their feelings. But now I realize that I don't have to feel bad for setting healthy boundaries and it's okay to say no.