It's hard to say NO

So why is it so hard to say no? And how can we learn to do it properly?
As someone who struggles with this a lot, I feel it’s hard because: 1) I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or upset them and 2) I HATE conflict. But as I was reading about this I learned that a lot of people say “yes” to many social things because they need connection, and worry that if they say no once they won’t get invited again.
I also recognize that many of us weren’t taught healthy boundaries or even healthy conflict. My family never fought.. So I never learned what it was really like to argue, talk things out, and be okay. It has taken me many years to understand that anger is okay, warranted, and a fight isn’t a bad thing. It’s just a chance for both people to talk about what’s going on, express their upset, and maybe even feel closer as a result.
And there are so many reasons we can struggle to say no.. insert first skit
We can even worry what saying “no” says about us, and saying yes can feel like the confident thing to do.

I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
#katimorton #therapist #therapy

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[willotoole]

It is better to say no and feel uncomfortable, than to say yes and feel resentful.

[wysteriaherr]

I have learned through therapy that the little girl in me is afraid to disappoint people. I have learned the world will not end just because I say no.

[xtanzmitpalmerx]

My professor told us, while teaching us about the importance of self-care as a professional, “If you never say no, how much is your yes worth?” It made me realize that saying yes all the time allowed people to take yes for granted, when honestly, my time is very valuable. My work is very valuable. And I should do a better job of keeping it valuable.

[jarvis]

this is so wonderful and fun haha thanks for having me kati. i'm glad i didn't say no this one time :)

[caseybear]

Sometimes saying "no" to others is saying "yes" to your own wellbeing :)

[viviane_casella]

"No" was never a good option in my house. There were disappointed faces and silent treatment. Living with someone that doesn't respect your "no" is very similar to be a slave since the other has the power to push you around and deplete you from your basic needs. Saying no, as I'm learning, is a question of survival.

[piethon]

As a person that had no friends, saying 'Yes' all the time, meant making friends. I thought that if I say 'No' people will reject me as well. I managed to form a group of "friends", but I still couldn't fell really happy with them, because all that they needed was me saying 'Yes' to everything.
So now I've decided to break the relationships with those persons. For some reason it feels better. But sometimes it still hurts 'cause I miss the human touch, that could really help, at least a little bit, with the depression.

[Sonamyadav-leyx]

It's really hard for me to say no because if I say no to anyone who asked for some help and I refused, I feel so guilty like I did something really bad.

[rdjg]

One of my favorite quotes about saying “No” from the book BOUNDARIES by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend is
“It might make you sad but it doesn’t make me bad!”
It’s really freeing to realize that saying “no” isn’t about being bad or uncooperative or selfishz

[AliKorruption]

My problem is that I've been let down alot, and I hate making people feel the way I have. Recently I was asked a favor that didn't sit well with me. At first I said yes, but upon reflection i thought of all the risks i would be taking. So i reached out to my friend that I simply could not do it and she understood. I was so afraid of letting her down. And she was so kind. And I felt loads better. Lesson learned.

[deepsanghvi]

How to be assertive?
Please make a video on this
Thanks.

[PRoseLegendary]

I'm practicing assertiveness and not violating my own rights with the help of my counsellor.
I got the opportunity to practice it last week when a random guy at church asked to hug me and I said "no, I don't hug people I don't know." I kept thinking of one my rights: "I have the right to decide who can and can't touch me." He kept insisting, and quoting bible verses at me to try to convince me to hug him but I kept saying no and eventually he walked away.
The whole scenario triggered a flashback so I had to go to the bathroom to do grounding exercises to avoid having a panic attack.
After that I told a church leader what had happened, she said I'd done the right thing in telling them and the pastor has spoken to this guy and the whole situation is actually turning out okay.

What happened sucked, but it felt good to stand up for myself instead of letting people walk all over me, and I felt so supported by my church.
Plus, it gave me an opportunity to reach out and ask for help, and that has opened the door to building closer friendships at church and being more connected.
Good things happen when you say no.

[HumansOfVR]

*_Think of you time like a currency that's more valuable than money_*

[adriansmall]

Thank you. I’m been a people pleaser my whole life and it got me into things that I didn’t even want to do. Thank you. I will practice on saying no for my mental health and demonstrate healthy boundaries.

[mariah]

i relate with this so bad because my job is constantly calling me in and asking me to come early and i would hate for them to hate me so i always say yes just so i don’t disappoint them...

[Bookinit]

I struggle with saying no to work colleagues for fear I will miss out on professional opportunities. And that is exactly how I ended up with more board positions and volunteer campaigns than I could handle. I have found that having a list somewhere obvious -- mine is on the fridge -- of all my existing professional obligations helps me say "no" when another one comes along. It also helps me figure out what's important to me career-wise and which volunteer gigs I need to get rid of ASAP. Hope that helps!

[mariajoselosanavalencia]

Oh my God!! I really needed this video. I'm a big people pleaser and I REALLY REALLY HATE conflict. This has been my entire life, wanting to say no, but saying yes instead. I haven't been able to work through this yet, but one of my biggest goals that I hope one day I can achieve. Love you Kati, thank you so much!!!

[bellaandsevy]

Wow I need this video! I have always had trouble saying no to people and when I do I tend too call them back. Thank you for this video you always explain things so well!

[gorgeousapostate]

My family never talk things out, but I'm really working in say no and when a say no I feel so much better. Prayer really helps me.

[louisecochrane]

This was the video I really needed! I've struggled to say no to many things that have ended in me overworking, overwhelming and exhausting myself just to please others. Now, I have said no to some small things and am working on tackling saying no to anything I don't want to do or feel comfortable doing