How to (Gracefully) Say No

Whether you're afraid of missing out on something, or you're worried about coming off as a jerk, it can be difficult to say no. Here are some strategies to help you stop impulsively saying yes, and think critically about what you want to do.

Huge thanks to Sarah Manuel for supporting us on Patreon!

Or at DFTBA Records!

"How to Adult" is a "life skills" edutainment channel brought to you by Executive Producers Hank Green and John Green. Subscribe for new videos!

[amimusic]

I miss the days when I could just say "my mom said no"

[lucassdd]

"Hey, do you want to get a snack later?" *Direct eye contact, Deadpan* "My family would be disappointed with me if I took another obligation."

[iamtheyak]

A strategy for an open-ended "Can you do me a favor?" is to respond with "Why? What's up?"

This keeps you from making a commitment and forces the asker to state their wishes before you give a response.

[RainaRamsay]

Harvard Business School recommends a yes-no-yes structure
Yes: find the thing that you are saying 'yes' to, that necessitates you saying 'no' to this thing. For example, saying yes to self-care, or more time your family, which can't be done if you say yes to this thing. This makes it easier to provide the context, and also makes it easier to stand up to badgering.

No: Tell them that you can't/won't do the thing

Yes: say 'yes' to your relationship with this person, by offering an alternative, saying yes to something else they've asked you to do, or just spending some time talking to that person about things that are important to them. This tells them that the 'no' wasn't personal, and you're still friends.

[source: The Power Of A Positive No]

[OneColdMonkey]

I just never leave the house. Can't disappoint anyone if you don't meet anyone! ...Of course, nobody ever accused me of adulting very well.

[randombuterfly]

I work at a library and we were trained to shut down inappropriate comments by blaming other people. "Oh sorry I can't give out my phone number while at work, I can get fired" or "My boss will yell at me if I keep chatting, I need to get back to work" or "Anyway, is there a library related question I can help you with?" all put the blame on someone else (rules that don't actually exist, a boss, and diversions), while stil setting a boundary.

[pyrotheevilplatypus]

As a teacher, I'm stealing this to use in health classes. So much of this overlaps with dealing with peer-pressure without being PSA corny.

[javanshirmustafaev]

aplomb - self-confidence or assurance, especially when in a demanding situation
For anyone curious about the meaning and/or wondering how to spell it :)

[Dixavd]

"New phone, who this?" Works even better in person! _(people end the conversation discombobulated)_

[songfreak]

My way of saying no (not gracefully) is just **overly intense eye contact** *No.*

[nefertalakkad]

It's important to know that you don't always need to explain why you said no; sometimes you don't owe people that.

P.S. As long as you can use "my mum said no", use it!

[engreyight]

_I've taken my time to think about it and I'm really grateful for your request of my subscription but I'm afraid my family would be really disappointed at me if I started following another channel. However, you should try asking Jeremy. He's always bored so I'm sure he'd make a better fan than what I could ever be._ :P

[mangaluver]

This video was exactly what I needed today! A friend just texted me in a group text saying they wanted to catch up on FaceTime and guys I am not a fan of facetiming. I was so worried about saying no because I didn't want to seem rude or disinterested (especially in a group text with all my other friends seeing the exchange), but this really helped me out and gave me great advice. Thank you guys for this video!

[prysmakitty]

As an adult introvert with depression and anxiety that very frequently make it necessary to either decline straight-off or cancel later... turning it around definitely works, and I do it all the time, I don't wait for badgers. I find something positive to start off with, and phrase it in ways that make it clear that it's about me. How you frame things makes all the difference when you're defending your time and energy (some of us have one or the other or both in short supply, so they're valuable). You don't have to defend it any less fiercely, just do it in tactful ways. Major thumbs up for covering the subject!

[Frapsity]

There should be a blooper reel for every video done by hank's channels

[JamieLeeBones]

Completely guilty of feeling like a jerk when I say no. A lot of time I feel like I'm coming up with an excuse when I need a little 'me' time, but knowing other people feel this too makes me feel better :) This is super helpful, thank you so much!!

[mirandamcdowell]

OH MY GOOD LORDIE LORD ALMIGHTY I CAN FUNCTION AS A HUMAN BEING NOW FRIKIN' BLESS YOU HANK AND 'HOW TO ADULT'!

[Kelly_Z]

A video about avoiding burnout, spotting oncoming burnout, and dealing with it after it's occurred would be awesome

[MirkoFranceschi]

I really like this series and I appreciate your work in doing these videos. Thank you!

[OAmoretNoctisIzzy]

I really appreciate this video. Thank you for doing these things Hank and other less visible people involved.