Jordan Peterson - How To Say NO To People

Jordan Peterson - How To Say NO To People

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[s.t.lacroix]

One lesson in life I learned pretty fast is this: if you help people too many times they will stop thanking you soon and take your help for granted. The moment you don’t offer your help anymore they will curse you out and call you anti-social.

[shane]

I’ve found that saying no gets easier the more you do it.

[thdimensionoptiks]

There needs to be one called "how to accept it when someone says NO to you." Because i swear people cant comprehend the meaning of that word nowadays.

[kronos]

People who can't say NO are afraid of the consequences.For the predatory people it's the invitation to start conditioning.

[TheNikki]

The question of "Are you negotiating at least as hard on your own behalf as you would for someone you care about?" is a life-changing one to me. I've never thought of it that way before. I've fought SO hard for people (family members) who have proven they don't give a crap about me when it really counts and I'm not doing it anymore. Time to become my own advocate. THANK YOU for putting it this way.

[jeffreyoneill]

Learning to say no was an astonishing leap forward in my life. I am now 74yr old and happy and successful in my life. At least as much as I choose to be.

[laleydelamor]

I have learned that the very hard way;). When I was young, as christian I tought it was my duty to help people. I didn’t care who asked my help, I just did it. It’s very hard when people count on your christian values and start to use emotional manipulation. I lost my prescious time on selfish people, always put myself lower.

And than I realized the true meaning of second rule- love your neighbour AS yourself. If my neighbour can be anyone who helped me when I needed the most- I should do for that person as I’m doing for myself. To love my neighbour as myself- the first what I should do is to LOVE MYSELF. If I don’t love myself, how could I love anyone else as myself?

Second, I have to love my enemy too- but not as myself, but as human being!

Finally I understood very clear what I was doing wrong- I put some very selfish and irresponsible people before me, they weren’t my ‘neighbour’ anyway, never helped me but just wanted more and more. I didn’t stop to help them, but onley on my conditions, when I could, and what I could. Then such people just think you became an egoist and move on, catch another victim.

No victim card in any christian rule, it’s just fine to say NO.

[TorMax]

Here's how to say NO to people: "No."

[dralex]

1. Be your own advocate. In order to advocate for yourself you will need to equip yourself with arguments and strategies to say no.
2. Your persona is the "mask" you use publicly. It is subject to societal pressure and ideology. An ideologically possessed individual deals in absolute terms and is very predictable in their argumentation. This is due to their neglecting of their own shadow, which contains all the parts that you don't want to show the rest of the world.
3. A "social machine" is an uncritical representant of an ideology. They support something while, often subconciously, distancing themselves from the opposite side of the argument. This is due to a neglection of their shadow.
4. Human beings are capable of both good and evil. Not only pathological people commit heinous actions. If you cannot see yourself as a potential agent of destruction, i.e. look into your shadow, it is very likely that you are part of the problem.
5. Enlightenment is the ability to see yourself as a human being that is capable of both good and evil and acting out of reason and integrated personality rather than emotion or lashing out from persona/shadow.

[Thomassina]

He's right that agreeable people don't take themselves into account.

[johnhare]

Just my take. Some of the comments say JP is not telling "how" to say no. He's explaining you can, should and why. I think, a vast majority of times, when you're confronted with a situation where you should say no. Often there's less than a nanosecond of time after you have processed the information and said yes. Not realizing your subconscious mind said no, before you verbally said yes. How many times have you asked yourself, "why did I say yes"

[lugan]

I was raised in such a way to agree with almost anything and accept it. I learned the tough way to say no and bargain. Four months ago I was able to get a 50% discount with one company (you could say they were overpriced). I have a naive, trustworthy, baby face. Really. That's a reason why people usually try to get advantage of me. I don't look tough. Now when I am working I deliberately don't smile, ever. It actually works.

[AnnaLVajda]

People have ceased to respect personal boundaries which are very important for mental health and self respect. It's like rapists who won't take no for an answer.

[jacobkendrick]

I think one of the main reasons people don't like Peterson is because he reveals to them how little they actually know. Understanding is a threat, and those who have the humility are able to grapple with it.

[giaguaroturchinoYOY]

He says how to say no right at the beginning: when you realize you are not taking yourself into the equation, that's when you say no. This video is *not* mislabeled.

[BarrySchweig]

When you encounter your own "shadow" you will be amazed as well as appalled. Scary yet ultimately worthwhile.

[captainbeastazoid]

To echo another comment on here: when does he tell us how to say no? This channel has a tendency to put totally unrelated titles on chunks of Peterson's lectures. This selection was mostly about how regular people engage in evil through ideological possession and how there's always a dark side to those who claim to have purely benevolent intentions. I'm a huge Peterson fan and I'm happy that you take the time to share his talks. But please make an attempt to use more appropriate titles for your videos in the future. It's getting a little annoying...

[shaundaross]

I am in awe that all of our patterns have always been. This is not new. That means there are answers and remedies already available. what a relief. Thank you...this is stirring up hope for me.

[sobeidalagrange]

"If you follow what is meaningful & you do it honestly, it will take you somewhere you really do not want to go... And until you go there you won't be able to climb up higher to the other side... For enlightenment there is a price to be paid..." Min 8:34 to the end...

[ImaNPCman]

Im not entirely sure what I learned from this, but whatever it was, it was awesome.