Why modern dating doesn't work (and how to fix it)

Here are five questions that will fix dating (if you ask them).

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Thank you for watching! We are a couple of brothers from Nashville, Tennessee who have enjoyed making videos together since we were little kids. We've gotten married to a couple of awesome girls since then, and they show up on the channel sometimes too! If you would like to get in touch, feel free to shoot us an email. We love hearing from people! Send us an email!

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Timestamps:
0:00 - Do you feel dead inside?
0:09 - Can you relate to this?
1:08 - The Five Questions that Fix Dating
1:27 - Who is the kind of person you want to be with?
2:09 - What is the point of dating?
4:19 - Why do you want to get married?
5:04 - Where do you meet a potential mate?
7:50 - When should you get married?
8:21 - The Sex Talk
9:36 - The best advice we can give you
11:15 - In conclusion...
11:47 - Thanks, Audible!
13:14 - Josh tries to be "Instagram Fun"

[_shadownotes_]

Thank you for continuing to spread the anti-p_rn message. It is one of the things our culture needs most right now.

[juliasikes]

"You might be someone else's compromise"
Cool, new fear unlocked✅️

[katieann]

“It’s not about making it happen, it’s about being as prepared as you can when it does.” Wise words Jordan👏

[John-bdts]

I don’t think people realize that compromising isn’t a bad thing. In fact compromising can actually make you happy. If you don’t want to call it compromising, then call it serving. God made us to give to one another.

[kasuihikari]

I’m a newly single 35yo mom, and my buddies at work are like “get out there and talk to that guy and go on date!” and I’m like “I talked with him, we have incompatible life goals, even though his smile is like a ray of sunshine I’m not going to waste his time.”

[alaskanaussiefurguson]

So cool seeing our picture in a video!! We owe so much to you guys and the Cowmoonity. Thanks again and again for being the link between a Texan and an Alaskan.😂😁

[coolgirl]

29 and still not married nor dating anyone as of yet lol (thank you isolated homeschooler life). Really agree with the advice on just becoming a better version of yourself!! I believe you need to know your non negotiable standards though, theres some standards you gotta stick to your guns on. Heres my conclusion to singles: make sure that you are the person that a God fearing believer would be praying for. ✌️

[karaanderson]

i'm a law student and that "skip the contract, just participate in the litigation" line SENT ME

[TeresaJeanna]

I did sports, meetups, religious events, etc and nothing happened. Then I went online and met my now fiancé. Just because you're social when you're young doesn't guarantee you'll meet your spouse. I recommend apps that make you take a compatibility survey over the ones that are just swipe swipe swipe.

[benjaminelliott]

Bettering yourself is an act of love for that future spouse that you might not even know right now... Awesome advice, Jordan! Thank you guys for making great videos on this topic.

[annawhistles]

"Make a list and then throw it away BUT remember the important things on that list - all the stuff you've forgotten five minutes from now, not important." What a great piece of advice.

[evangelinewilson]

I'm so glad that skits are back! Hipster Josh and Big Head Kid are great

[quinniferlawrencegayrights]

People seem to often think that waiting for marriage is a religious thing, but I'm an atheist and I want to wait until marriage too. Relationships either end or they don't end. If they don't end then you get married, if they do end then you break up. If you've done The S, then the breakup will only be more difficult. I think a lot of people jump into one relationship after the next with sex being the main thing they're looking for, so these relationships are poorly thought out and they end up inevitably failing. But then every time they feel aroused, they think of their ex. They want to get their ex boyfriend or girlfriend off their mind, so they jump into a new poorly thought out relationship to have sex with someone else. It's a cycle that ends up being a big waste of time.

[leighswain]

I would love for you to do a video where you interview married couples and ask them for advice for younger couples. I have been married for 21 years and I have been so surprised of the different seasons that marriages go thru. I wish people talked about it more.

[jmfriesen]

"I know that can take all the fun out of it, but GOOD."

[WestonNey]

I’m 21 and work most of the time. The only people I meet are already in relationships. I have some hobbies and friends in those hobbies but none of them are single or my age. I don’t live a lonely life, I just never have opportunities to meet people I might have a chance with.

[tattedlace]

The👏🏻 point 👏🏻 of 👏🏻 dating 👏🏻 should 👏🏻 be 👏🏻 marriage! Thank you!!!

The Andrew Peterson quote at the end officially pushed y'all's coolness over the top.

[Ithenna]

LOL 😂 Having avoided dating apps like the plague and getting married just after college (although I started college a couple years later), this video has me rolling with laughter! I always felt as a teen that dating apps were so... weird and awkward and like a glorified, slightly less extreme version of a blind date. The who, where, and when questions you addressed are probably a little more complex than this though, because unfortunately these days so many people are just dating for fun, or because they feel insecure or pressured, or because they want something out of life/people. Many college campuses are honestly the WORST places to find a person who's committed to having a long lasting relationship - not that it's impossible, or that there aren't some good campuses out there (typically they tend to fall under private instead of public owned/funded from what I've seen), but kids fresh out of high school in this day and age are lucky they know what career they want to pursue, and are juggling their newfound freedom and responsibilities outside mom and dad's house, and probably aren't quite ready to consider long term relationships on the dating scene just yet. That being said, college IS a good place to figure what kind of long term friendships you want to have (and if you're lucky, more than that).

That caveat aside, from my own experience, what works best in finding that right somebody starts with figuring out what your priorities are in life - if you're Christian, the number one rule is God is always first (it helps a lot with your "be a better person" advice ;]). The second bit of advice is to form long term friendships around those who have similar priorities as yourself - so if God is most important to you, find friends who put God first as well. Then, if a friendship turns in a potential romantic relationship, ask as you date, "does this person help me grow closer to God?" If the answer is no, or worse, further away from God, then you're probably not a good fit for each other (though that doesn't mean you have to stop being friends). If the answer is yes, then you can start asking how or whether you can compromise or work with someone on different aspects of your life - so for instance, ask yourself what irks you about the other person and if/how you can live with that, and ask what irks your date about yourself so you can work on those things. Communication is key - if you can't find healthy, loving ways to address these topics, then it's going to get rough very quickly. Don't hide your problems in the shadows, talk to your friend about how you can work on them, and offer your services to help them with their struggles too.

So I guess the shortened form of this is: 1. Know your priorities in life - God is first 2. Make good friends 3. Be open to a relationship, but don't make having a relationship your goal like you do a college degree 4. Ask if that relationship brings you closer to God (and try to be aware if you bring your potential partner closer to God as well) 5. Communicate and help each other through your problems/troubles/struggles. (Arguably, this step is necessary even for your friendships if they are going to last any length of time.) If all of that falls into place, you're well on your way towards a healthy relationship (whether or not you end up married in the end).

[VenusLM]

If I hadn't done online dating...I would never have met my husband. We lived just far enough apart that we would never have just bumped into each randomly and had zero mutual friends. I didn't love it, but it most certainly gave me a larger dating pool. Also, my friends and family never tried to set me up wth anyone and often implied that I was too weird or independent for them to even know who to set me up with. I'm glad I didn't wait around hoping I would just bump into someone. I would probably still be single...instead we're going on year 10 of our marriage. Edit: I also tell people that we didn't date online. We MET online. We dated in-person.

[reepicheepsfriend]

I think one big thing that is missing from this video - and from 'modern society' - is that marriage also exists largely to benefit the community, and therefore the community has a vested interest in facilitating marriage. In our modern culture we have become so individualized that we think of it as each individual's responsibility to pursue a relationship and marriage. While of course that's very important, sometimes, we need more than that. And I often wonder if that's why so many young people are now single. It's because our sense of community and shared life has broken down, and we don't see the need to reach out to those who might be struggling in this area. Instead we make fun of them as failures. Even this video did, just a little bit. Maybe we need a little more of something called 'compassion'.