4 reasons why MY parents TRIGGER & STRESS me out...

Going home for the holidays can be triggering for so many, and lead us to resorting to old childhood behaviors. We can adopt practices that we used to do when we're around our family or friends from home, or we can go back to self harming thoughts and actions that we thought we healed from. You may find your family triggering or you may be triggered by old places that you have negative relationships with. Let's be real, families can be tough and family relationships can be tough - and depending on our childhood relationship with our families and parents, whether it be neglect or emotional damage or just fear, we can find ourselves feeling uncomfortable. Your family may trigger your anxiety or your depression or your eating disorder and so many other things, or perhaps other triggers may be set off. Let's talk about why we may be triggered during the holidays or when we go home to our family and ways that we can fight the holiday blues or holiday stress or holiday anxiety - let's jump into it now! Let me know if you have any tips you find helpful in the comments below!

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[bevmal]

Needed this video. I am a better version of myself away from my family. It's heartbreaking, but true.

[mariametheexplorer]

This is even true if you are living with a parent who cause your childhood wound and refuse to see you as an adult

[snappycattimesten]

It’s impossible to not have regression if your relatives have never grown/matured/changed. The only prophylactic is to not be physically in their presence.

[private_pickle]

I really do have to remind myself that I'm 30, and I don't have to do ANYTHING that makes me uncomfortable anymore.
And fulfilling someone else's needs doesn't mean I have to put my own aside, I'm equally as important.

[laisfbc]

Just came back from a two-weeks holiday with family. We live in a different country so usually we go one or twice a year for a couple of weeks. This time our main boundary (for both me and my husband) was that we would not stay at either of our parents house, we would stay in an Airbnb, which made a huge difference as we had the liberty to just be away from everybody if we wanted!

[LolaPopente]

SO relevant to me right now, due to the horrible rental market I've had to move back in with my parents. The regression is real, it's like I'm back to that scared, depressed teenager back with an emotionally abusive mum. It's not ideal

[shalryma]

I'm so glad this exists. I have felt reluctant to visit my family on big occasions for the very fear of regressing. Everybody else seemed to be so cheerful about spending time with their families, all the time, I felt odd and ungrateful in comparison.

I definitely experience still being treated as a child by some family members. It turned from being kinda understable to downright silly (imagine being talked down to like you're 13 year old during your 30th birthday, ) and it's a big anxiety factor around the holidays.

Some of them sometimes make me feel the need to be asking for permission for the things I'm free to do as an adult person. I need to remind myself constantly that I and myself alone are responsible for my way in life and the family's just talking, even if it is annoying.

[nicole]

My mother brings an unbelievable large amount of stress. I am triggered by her entitlement and her hurtful words.
I have embraced my boundaries with her. Therapy has been such a blessing.
My mother and sister (co-dependency) will come at me hard because I don’t fall for their manipulative way. “I wouldn’t do my mother like that, I wouldn’t do my sister like that”…. It’s sickening.

[TNothingFree]

Just because you understand yourself better or healed from your family trauma - doesn't mean they did.

[CaroleCares]

Sometimes going no contact with family is the only choice we have in order to help us heal from past traumatic family environments.

[MonalysChannel]

About that boundries... My Mom loves to talk about my "bad behavior" when I was a teen. She takes every opportunity to tell everyone... even over and over again. Like, I slammed the doors when I was angry. I´m 34 now. But still... I just dont understand why she is doing this. I mean... Im her daughter. Why would I enjoy making my own daughter look bad to someone. She did that to all my boyfriends. She told them everything. Im married now. She keeps telling this storys to my husband, who heard it a thousand times already. The thing is, ... I told him before. I told him, that she is going to try to make me look bad. I told him, I slammend the doors as a teenager. I told him all. So... he wasnt surprised, when she told him. He was just like "I know". She was stunnend. Speechles. And I said to her: "He already knows. I told him, because I knew you would do that." And she was like: "Its just the Truth". And I mean... yes... it is. But why telling everyone? She did that too, when I was a little girl. Once a week we visited my grandpa. And the whole Family was there. Like... everyone. At least 15 People. All Aunts and Uncles and their children. It seems to have been a thing back then. I sat on the sofa just 4 steps away. And they talked about me like I wasnt there. Talked about every negative thing that happend the last week. Everything I had done wrong. And all agreed that I was a bad person. Even though when I look back now... I wasnt. I was always friendly to everybody, I never stole. Nor have I ever hurt anyone. All I did was fight back at home to my parents. Because I seemed to do everything wrong. I was just in my room, listening to music... I´ve been told its to loud, even though I could barely hear it myself. Or I´ve been told to clean up my room, even though it was fine. Or I used the bathroom... I´ve been told I made the bathroom sink dirty, or I havent washed my hands good enough. I was never good enough. And all I did was wrong.
Thas why Im getting stressed out, when trying to work. Im so afraid of doing something wrong, that my head is a complete mess and I actually DO something wrong. And when I get told I did something wrong (wich is btw most times not said friendly) Im getting a panik attack and run off. I once tried to work in a shop, where I was myself a regular customer. In the end I run off and never came back. Not even as a customer. Im in therapy for more than 15years. But still... I cant overcome this. Any Ideas?

[tardisMC]

I almost didn't go to my family's house for Thanksgiving this year because I was scared I couldn't handle it and that being home would bring me back to a dark place/older version of myself. But I've been working extra hard to not regress, and it's been okay so far 🤞 Thank you for the tips, Katie!!

[clau_chann]

This happens to me too and whenever the holiday season rolls around it's even more depressing because I know I won't be seeing any of them and as much as I know it's better this way for my mental health, it still hurts like it did years ago.

[deinaperianessantos]

Kati, thank you so much for this video. Now I understand why I behave like a teenager with bad mood or strugle with the presence of my parents when I'm around them, and then when I am not with them I'm like other person and I've thought that maybe only happened to me and that I wasn't being comprehensive with them, etc... and I always was surprised of how my mood changed automatically. So this explanation and others in your channel help a lot. I' really appreciate it :)

[sofienasiha]

Thanks Kati, I was praying for THIS and you just answered it through this video.

[stevereadeable]

After all these years I've learned that some things will never be resolved and the people I'm closest to will never be the people I'm related to. Accepting that and grieving the loss has been really helpful, it allows me to take a "it is what it is" attitude, accept it, and ultimately no longer care, so I can binge on turkey and apple pie with relative glee, which I plan on this year too, a great practice on staying centered and boundaried too.

[robertivers]

I moved away from the area my parents lived in my early thirties. When I would visit them that sickening toxic would come over me within minutes of our visit which I had felt free of once
I
Lived away from them. I felt normal or good once I was away and I was surprised because I always felt very damaged growling. Up

[maryarg]

Thanks for being so respectful to this feelings . I agree with you. Sometimes even if we find help, the fact that emotional abusive manipulative narcicistic o psicopath family members won t change is really painful

[renostubbs]

This is an extremely important video, a amazing amount of people, including myself are struggling with these very same issues.
It isn't easy as said because people have their own response to your healing process.
Glad that you created this channel and pick such an important topic.
WOW

[mocajrx]

Last year, I spent Christmas with a close family member for the first time in decades. Although we are in our 60’s and have been in therapy much of our lives, we both regressed to pre-school and have still not spoken in 2022. 😢