How the narcissist can make amends

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[lifewithapurpose]

"Some people aren't speaking to you because they OWE you an apology. Shout out to everyone healing from things no one ever apologized to them for."

[NarcSurvivor]

After everything the narcissist has done, there’s really nothing they can do to make amends and deep down I think they’re aware of that. Anything they say or do would seem insincere and meaningless. It could never compensate for all of their wrongdoing. Which is why they don’t usually try to make amends. They accept their fate. They lie in the pit that they have created for themselves.

[babylej]

Apologies from narcissists are for themselves and never for the person they’re actually apologizing to. The more I’ve realized this, the more I’ve learned to set boundaries and not accept empty apologies from them.

[Furcorners]

Here’s the typical apology from a narcissist: “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Yeah. That’s no apology at all!

[DovieRuthAuthor]

The closest my mother got to an apology was randomly throwing her head back during a completely unrelated conversation and saying, “I was an abusive parent.” Then she cackled like a witch and that was the end of it. Soon thereafter, I cut off all contact. It was the only thing I could do to protect what was left of myself.

[Jolene]

I can’t even imagine a narcissistic person being able to recognize what they need to make amends for, the narcissists I’ve known seem to always blame others for their own actions, they truly don’t seem to think they are responsible at all.

[jodycasey]

“The humility of making amends isn’t about going back to life as usual, but to admitting to living better, in service, in compassion, to something bigger than you, not the petty stuff.”
Thank you Dr. Ramani❤

[icalotdonthide]

They can make all the amends they want, just don't come near me, call me anything where my presence is. Make it far from me, forever.

[tball]

Never expect an apology from a narc. Even if you get one, they are just playing you. Cut these cancerous demons out of your life and cut off all contact. There is no other way.

[denineluchkow]

From what I know of Narcissism, their apologies would only benefit themselves superficially, no real remorse or accountability . If you don’t “accept”
You’ll get gaslighted and likely feel shame or guilt . If a narcissist apologizes to you run the other way is how I see this . They don’t mean it they’re only looking for a second chance to hurt you again in a slightly different way .

[p.w.]

If pigs ever learn how to fly, and the narcissist who has done the most damage to me approached me and wanted to make amends, I'd say, great let's go talk to the people who you have smeared my character to and tell them that everything you told them about me was a lie.

[korab.]

My knee-jerk answer: leave me alone and never come back.

[panfried]

when narcissists make apologies, it's insincere (aka - fake) it benefits them and not you and they expect you to swallow it hook, line and sinker. If you don't, you'll become the "difficult" one.
awww.. Luna! so cute.

thanks, Dr. Ramani.

[BirdShutterbug]

Being in a 12-step program myself, I've always focused on my behaviors in my marriage and my interactions with my husband. I've always worked hard to improve myself and changed my behaviors when necessary. My husband was the complete opposite and would do hurtful behavior. Then he would come back to me when he saw I was angry or upset and say "I'm sorry" without even knowing what he was apologizing for. I totally agree with you that amends is about acknowledging the harm you did and changing your behavior on a sustained basis. I got tired of being in the unhealthy relationship of my marriage and finally got strong enough to get divorced. So grateful that I was able to celebrate 25 years sober a few days ago.

[popmonika]

When they made me hit rock bottom (not respecting boundaries to the point I became I'll and nearly lost my job)- they never cared to check and see how I was - instead blaming me for their behavior.

Now they can't control me - they suddenly want me back.

I can accept the apology (if there ever will be one) and even move on with my life and let them move on likewise -but the memory of what they did to me will sadly stay forever.

[lindabell]

They have no problem telling lies. That includes fake apologies.

Thank you. This is a very helpful lesson on the process of making amends.

[rturney]

I have no expectations they will ever do so.

[sarahb]

Thank you so much for specifying that making amends also depends on a healthy approach. It is so jarring to receive a random phone call on a random afternoon where your former abuser rattles off vague confessions and apologies for "how they treated you" and you're completely caught off guard. Someone who has been abused by a narcissist has likely walked on eggshells around managing that person's shame for them so suddenly "confessing" can be terrifying to that person. Apologies should never be sprung on people, ever.

[markophillips]

The narcissist was not sorry for what they did to me. So I don't care about anything they say and I always tell them to take it up with their God. I am over forgiving people who don't really care and are fake crying for forgiveness and will do far worse than what they did the first time.
🤨🤨🤨🤨😒😒😒💯 Done 🙏🙏🙏

[violad]

I want to take accountability because my gut knew but I gaslighted myself.. they keep saying they don't know how to take accountability. I'm committed to taking accountability and making amends if I abused them. I can't live with myself knowing that i hurt someone.. I'm willing to humble myself, commit and lend compassion with behavior change to something greater than myself that will be meaningful. This was insightful, thank you Dr Ramani ❤️