How to Attract Your Avoidant Partner Like Never Before | Adam Lane Smith

If you want to learn to build a fulfilling lifelong relationship with the man you love and help him understand and cherish you in return, pick up your copy right now.

How to Love an Avoidant Man: Stop Chasing, Start Attracting

Welcome to my channel! I'm Adam Lane Smith, the Attachment Specialist.

In this video, we'll dive into a common question I receive: "If chasing an avoidant man makes him bail out of the relationship because he hates feeling that pressure, then what on earth is the right way to draw him into the relationship based on his own desires?"

Here’s what you’ll learn:

The Impact of Chasing an Avoidant Man:
Why do avoidant men run away when they feel pressured.
How your anxious attachment style might be affecting your relationship.
The psychological and emotional dynamics behind the chase and withdraw pattern.

Understanding Avoidant Attachment:
The root causes of avoidant attachment styles.
How avoidant men perceive risk and why they fear deep intimacy.
The role of dopamine and other brain chemicals in avoidant attachment.

Effective Strategies to Attract Him:
The importance of self-regulation and emotional discipline.
How to communicate your needs using the “what, why, and how often” method.
Speaking his language to build trust and intimacy.

I’m Adam Lane Smith, The Attachment Specialist, with over 15 years of experience in psychology and relationships. I’ve helped thousands of clients worldwide and millions online. This channel recently hit 65,000 subscribers, thanks to all of you who are seeking healthy, fulfilling relationships!

What You Need to Know:

Avoidant men need two main things to thrive in a relationship:
A partner who is fully self-regulated and never chases.
Clear, measurable communication of needs.
Avoidant men operate on a risk assessment basis:

Instead of feeling emotionally loved, they need concrete, understandable actions.
Present your needs in a way that highlights benefits for both of you.

A step-by-step guide to building a fulfilling, intimate connection with an avoidant partner.
Perfect for both partners and avoidant men looking to understand their needs better.

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If you’ve struggled in dating or marriage and worry you’re not good enough, worry no more. The Attachment Specialist Adam Lane Smith wrote this guide to show you how to stop fearing abandonment and start building healthy relationships. Through his proven step-by-step method for repairing attachment, Adam will teach you what people really want from you, how to give and receive love without fear, what red flags to avoid, and how you can build a lifetime love with a partner you trust.

Slaying Your Fear - A Book For People Who Grapple With Insecurity

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Chapters:
00:00:00 - Letting Go of an Avoidant Man
00:02:39 - The Survival Mode of Avoidant Attachment Style
00:05:16 - The Internal Response to Abandonment Wounds
00:07:50 - The Worst Instinct: Chasing in Relationships
00:10:18 - Breaking the Pattern of Avoidant Attachment Style
00:12:41 - Self-Regulation and Secure Attachment
00:15:13 - Effective Communication in Relationships
00:17:46 - The Importance of Emotional Regulation
00:20:17 - How to Attract an Avoidant Man
00:22:42 - Avoidant Attachment Style Revelation

[shelbylauren]

Unfortunately after 25 it gets down to being able to calculate how much time that is being “wasted”. If your partner isn’t working on being secure, you can literally calculate how much time you’re even going to get with them in a month or year. If they have to run away with minor inconveniences and that happens twice a week. Come on now. You’re wasting months and years you could have been having a real relationship and connection with someone. The audacity to think someone should sit around and wait on you because they love you is absurd at this point.

[writer]

It sounds like the avoidant runs because they're projecting their fears/insecurities onto us. So they're basically just running from themselves. This is a lose-lose situation. Personally, I gave up. I gave up on my husband (an avoidant) and our marriage. Only then did he stop running and start showing up.... I agree with the first thing you said: don't pursue the avoidant; if you lose them, you lose them. At least you didn't lose yourself.

[J-nd]

Leave avoidant men and women alone. Unless you want a relationship where you have to adjust yourself around another person and walk on egg shells.

[r.bishop]

Avoidants are exhausting. And honestly, make me react toxic to their toxic bs.

[amybraun]

I let him come back. It works. The truth is they will definitely come back after a few months but the reality is they show up the exact same way as u left them! They will come back with the same half assed energy as they always had. They will always keep you at arms length you will never hear words of confirmation and if you want to be with somebody like that, you have to accept that you’re gonna get crumbs from a person like that so you have to make the assessment of, do you want to be in a relationship where you feel like you’re enduring 90% of the time and coping 90% of the time? I didn’t.

[ancica-zcl]

Honestly shocked this book isn’t viral yet. The Power You Forgot by Luna Calden breaks down manifestation in a way that feels fresh and actually doable.

[nickus]

You are damned if you do, you are damned if you don't.
Only solution is to become secure, call them out, set boundaries. If they aren't willing to put in the work, leave.
What they are doing, including stonewalling, silent treatment etc. is all emotional abuse.

[JustMe-kice]

I let go of “breadcrumbs” and gained “self respect” .

[Evolucija]

Avoidant people are just so not worth your time. Was in a relationship with one, totally emotionally drained and destroyed me. My advice: find someone who will fight for you like you fight for him, and let avoidants run away from life forever.

[OlderWomenRock]

Agree He felt stressed by my expectations and standards, normal and healthy ones like respect !
He wanted to be a flake without any protest
He wanted it all on His terms
He created the stress not Me
I only wanted what most Woman would want
I gave Him space, I was as patient as I could be
But I wasn’t being respected or valued
I won’t accept that

[Starlight_]

My advice after dealing with an avoidant, RUN. Love isn't meant to be this hard or painful. And you certainly don't need a wounded little child to sooth, calm, and feed. Let them RUN FAR FAR AWAY or you will spend your days having to watch every word you say or every move you make like you're walking on eggshells. They need to fix themselves, you're not their mother. They are draining and exhausting.

[dig-inbo]

Ladies do yourself a favor. Stop chasing avoidant men. Let them do the hard work to heal and let them show you they are trying to change. Otherwise stop wasting your time. Months or years can go by you will never get back.

[Soltice-tynf]

I just learned that my anxious attachment style is getting tired of the avoidant feeling. I am done

[joed]

With an avoidant, you are alone and that is a worse alone than being totally alone!!

[shekar]

I began avoiding the avoidant man and healed the part of me that kept selecting avoidant men.

[usaksuleyman]

I'm 25 and even at this age I'm already so sick and tired of searching some other person's childhood trauma's for them just to get a little bit warm feeling of being loved. I shouldn't have to work that hard for something so simple. I'm literally feeling sick omg

[hardboiled]

The more I watch these, the more I realize that having a relationship with an avoidant is like fucking babysitting and basically doing all the work for someone who wants all the gain, but doesnt want to put in any of the work. It feels like by trying to be with someone who is an avoidant, even it I love them, I am destroying a part of myself. Damaging my own inner integrity. Communicating to myself that I’m not good enough for someone who will actually cherish and appreciate me.

[bhumikamohan]

Why is it that the avoidant is allowed to lean on anxious partner for emotional support and then the anxious one isn’t allowed except for the friends and family

[TheAlixir]

It’s starting to feel like torture to be honest. I think I don’t have the luxury to keep this relationship. I’m in recovery and it’s just too much

[brendanavarro]

Work on your self and INVEST! in a secure person. Abuse is abuse no matter how you put it!