The Feminine urge to internalize the Male Gaze (clip) Khadija Mbowe

Click this link to watch the full video:

[lavenderkoi]

The first part. Almost every single male “friend” has done this. And it makes me feel like I’m not even a person. Just like a sex object or they want to date. But it’s never good enough for them to be just friends. I’m still triggered by the phrase “leading people on” because I never have. And I’ve been told it many times just for being nice. I can’t even be nice without others thinking it’s an invitation to be creepy. Or they’ll wait til you and your partner break up to start hitting on you. Like that’s what they wanted all along. It’s awful

[Kira_Kadaver]

I have two guy friends, one of which I asked to hook up(over the phone) to prove a point to my boyfriend at the time(we were arguing over whether or not men and women can have honest friendships and he told me to ask my best friend to hook up thinking he would jump at the opportunity) and my friend literally laughed at me for a solid three minutes then was like “Bitch. So anyway-“ then proceeds to tell me about this girl he was crushing on 😂

On the other hand I HAVE had men completely blindsight me with confessions. That’s not the crappy part the crappy part is the way they stopped being my friend after being turned down.

[onesabrathwaite]

I dressed masculine today and guys that used to say "good morning beautiful" or " enjoy your day right babes" had nothing to say. I was able to do so many thing, it felt so nice.

[gen_li]

I work in retail, I had long hair and still dressed fairly androgynously. I constantly had to deal with random men touching my shoulder or hand or whatever to “ask a question” or getting all creepy, flirting inappropriately etc.

I still work retail but I cut my hair off, got the bottom half buzzed and the top is boyish. I wish I could express the sheer difference. I got work in peace now. I haven’t had a weird interaction with a man in MONTHS. It’s amazing

[YourMajesty]

That didn't stop men when I was growing up in New York during the 90s, even though masculine trends were common (women wearing suits, collared shirts, neutral makeup, matte skin, etc). While it was 3rd wave feminism shifting these trends out in the corporate world, in the hood we dressed masculine bc female rappers were having their own Renaissance and it was the "Aaliyah era". Guys saw a girl wearing baggy jeans and a opened collar shirt with a wife-beater underneath as "sexy". Even when I was completely covered and dressed baggy all over, grown men had no qualms hollerin at me (a 13 yr old). You could be wearing a burqa and men will still feel compelled to whistle and catcall for no reason other than to be deviants.

[Sarah-recg]

I steer very, very clear away from guys who firmly believe that men and women can’t be friends. Like there are people who believe it’s biologically impossible and I find that incredibly sad. That’s a very limiting and unfulfilling life to live.

[wolfdogg]

These ARE incels. Mostly guys at work that mistake getting along with coworkers for a personal dating service.

[lilyzemengist]

Child...I'm so glad you're saying this for the the rest of us experiencing it.

I have literally the same experiences in regards to dressing a bit more masculine & these dudes just looking the other way.
As soon as I put a short skirt on, the dogs come out to play🙄

[stephanie]

100%! I hated always finding out my male friends weren't even friends! The betrayal was painful. Especially for my alleged best friend who suddenly dipped as soon as he found out I was intimate for the first time with my first boyfriend. 7 years or hanging out almost everyday just to find out he wanted sex? I honestly don't trust men anymore because of how often they've lied to me about friendships.

[TititoDeBologay]

I had a 15 years friendship end like that.
Me, a whole lesbian, and He was dating my cousin. Waited until I was vulnerable due to the break-up of my 1st relationship. Then tried to forcefully kiss me, talking about "He'll treat me better"
I should have punched the ballbag.

[lefromthecity]

10 years!!…10 years this dude finally spilled the beans and had the nerve to blame me being too general and friendly as the reason he never said anything 😐😂.
Sir…yes you were a

[TinyyTinkerbell]

Yes! Alot of my male “friends” seem to have ghost me because i didnt allow them to sleep with me. Though when they ask and i say no they say they are just playing 🙂….i know for sure they were not and they are proving that they were not.

[geelllee]

i hate this so much, it's made me so jaded and less likely to befriend men because i just don't trust them. it's happened too many times at this point and it's so insulting.

[deeraredear]

i'm a trans man and i agree on both counts. back in my femme presenting time i would always be so disappointed when i finally made a male friend then he just wanted to get with me. and at the times when i pass better in public i am treated so differently. gender constructs are wild.

[austincde]

I've never had str8 male friends because I'm i n s u f f e r a b l e

[chloeme]

I literally only wore "masculine" fits and no makeup at all whenever seeing male "friends" from 2018-2020 because I've experienced them wanting more than "just" friendship so many times. I even told men how bad of a partner I would be and how bad I treated people I "only slept with" (just dramatizing the teenage mistakes most people make when first experimenting with casual dating) to avoid them falling for me. It does not work. Like clothes make things easier but they really didn't care as what character I portrayed myself.

[SureYoureRight]

Honestly this is the reason I dress modestly. Not because of religious beliefs, or because I’m trying to attract a certain kind of man. It’s because I absolutely hated the attention I received dressing more scandalous. Men refuse to believe a lot of women dress and do our hair in a certain manner because we genuinely like it and it makes us feel good. I still get attention but it’s more of the lighthearted inquisitive kind compared to the drooling mangy wolves howling.

[dogearedverse]

Repetitive situations where male specimens have ruthlessly stayed friends with beautiful women on the off chance they might realize what a mistake their life is to not make him feel special are the reasons why so many straight, and especially bi and pan, female presenting people are friends with gay men. All of the jovial teasing with none of the consequences.

[lotus_dream]

Okay.. so I wasn't overreacting when I cut off a my friendship w a guy after he asked if we can be fwb... we were friend for 2 years prior and he had a long time girl friend the entire time, but as soon as they broke up (so that he could explore), our friendship apparently didn't matter anymore. I was so hurt at the time lol im not opposed to starting a relationship from a friendship (i wish that happen *organically* more often), but fwb just make our friendship feels cheap

[freenote]

Men pretend to be friends, hoping to get sex. This isn't about how the woman considers him. This is all about waiting around for that slow yes.