TikTok Femininity Coaching and Aestheticizing Racism

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second channel: @shansorbet
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Hi! I'm Shaniya but I use the moniker Shanspeare on Youtube. I'm 24, use they/them pronouns, and love all things pop culture! My channel has a lot going on: think Shakespeare meets Baz Luhrmann meets insufferable jester in a relevant but silly costume. I have a bachelor's in English Professional Writing (and basically Literary Analysis--long story) which aids me in the creation of my content. Above all, I wish to emphasize teachability and critical engagement through a fun lens.
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timestamps:
0:00 intro
3:35 marketable femininity
9:45 Milanote shoutout!
12:04 femininity coaching
24:22 the problem with it
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Tags:
femininity training, respectability politics, video essays, commentary channels, shanspear, tyler perry, feminine energy, divine feminine, sexyy red, elegance subliminal, tee noir kardashians, girl dinner, tiktok

[heresene]

The sheer amount of racial trauma I have around the word civilized

[birdieboy]

weren’t we all just laughing at conservatively abby and girl defined for doing shit like this not too long ago? but when it’s done *aesthetically* it’s okay to some people?? or so long as it isn’t directly tied to religion?

[NotEvelyntrust]

Femininity should be about being confident in your own skin without needing to bring people down.

[Laquia]

If feminity was never for black women, indigenous women, and women of color in the first place, then what's the point in preaching for it???

[sodadepayaso]

if she worries so much about elegance she should know that bringing people down is untasteful

[kennyyyybewatching]

Ever since I learnt that their definition of feminity is basically the ability to attract a “high value”man, I lost so much interest in these coaches

Edit: like the way they praise Sophia Riche these days just because she married a billionaire as if she didn’t exist before her marriage 😭

[zEropoint]

the kicker of it all is that even if you "succeed" at meeting the dominant culture's expectation for "respectability, " the dominant culture will just change what they consider "respectable" for you. you can't win, because the point was never for you to become "respectable." the point was to create a society where you need never be shown respect.

[isaiahlittle]

It’s so interesting how respectability politics is remodeled for Gen Z and how social media platforms funnel this content out en masse.

[betsycheddar]

Respectability politics ruined my childhood. Especially when I just wanted to wear my Afro as a child. It made me so happy, but then I’d go to my grandma’s house and have every woman in my family put me and my mom down about it (even though my mom wouldn’t let me out with my Afro, I had to let it out after I got to school).
“You’re mom let you out the house like that?”
“Did your mom not do your hair today?”
“😒”
“😬”
“😧”
yea. and that was my family. Of black women

[HighAsHeckPriestess]

It gave me permission to enjoy feminine things, but some videos are very serious about how things I like (baggy pants, cursing, silly tee shirts) aren't feminine. Which is a problem because feminity, like blackness, isn't a monolith. It sucks to feel excluded from elegance because black feminity is its own thing, and I never fit into the box labelled "elegance" because I'm black

[Mysterynovus]

Between this and TikToks glorifying physiognomy, it really feels like a dark repeat of racist history.

[zsuxruu]

*I have returned for more nourishment, mother.*

[mahogara]

I knew this is gonna happen since that quiet luxury aesthetic became a trend on Tiktok (social media). There would be more "elegant/feminine" content, which in turn would start promoting racisms with the guise of "aesthetic".

[l]

I can't stop noticing that most of these 'elegant coaches' seems to come from Eastern Europe. I'm Ukrainian and every time I visit Ukraine or Russia, I am reminded of how I'm not behaving ladylike. Sexism and gender expectations are way more rigid in Eastern Europe. I have been commented on my short hairstyle, non feminine fashion etc when visiting Russia

[PrettyPrincess]

My problem with the femininity community is when they called natural black hair styles “ not elegant “ and “ not feminine enough “. Natural black hair styles are elegant. We really need to get rid of this mindset that only straight hair can be “ elegant and feminine “. Also I feel like a lot of women even black women get their femininity from what white people deem femininity in other words white women’s femininity. I feel Karine Alourde is the only creator I came across that actually gives great advice to women on how to improve ourselves both mentally and physically and she doesn’t just focus on attracting “ a high value man “.

[nicolesvariouswares]

I genuinely think it must be so exhausting thinking about these things all the time. Like who really gives a shit if someone wears a bonnet??? Don’t y’all have better things to do?

[ramenaddict]

Once had a dude complained i wasnt being "classy" if i ever showed any ounce of my own type of sexual expression for him. He made me feel completley unconfident then had the audacity to complain that i wasnt confident. Wish i broke up with him sooner.

[jessica_]

Whew as a Black girl who grew up in a predominantly white, German-Catholic, conservative neighborhood and being one of literally less than 10 people of color this triggered like everything I ever heard growing up. My dad was always insistent that I had to be the smartest person in the room bc people would instantly expect me to be lesser bc I was a Black girl. It wasn’t even until college that I made other Black friends and it was so relieving to not have to perform but also nerve wracking to navigate my own identities as they were squashed as a kid. I’m so glad I didn’t have TikToks like this when I was growing up bc seeing it spelled out like that 😵‍💫

[Jasmine-uuxo]

I always thought the shift in current beauty standards have made "certain women" upset because them in their basic form is no longer the standard of beauty and this is their attempt at squashing the current aesthetic that has some element of black feature/aesthetics. There is no way all of these women are this triggered by simple things like big lips, lip liner, curvy body shapes, larger hum, and expressive fashion. This is their attempt at returning the standard back to white and basic. The black femininity coaches do the same thing with trying to label an aesthetic as "ghett0" and a less dramatic appearance as "classy"
I see girls with baby hairs pull "high value men". I know they hate to see that what is attractive varies to people.

[heart_breaker]

it's giving "alpha male" but marketed for girls✨👑💖💋💅🏻 lmao