What is Splitting with Borderline Personality Disorder?

This video describes “splitting” in the context of borderline personality disorder. When we talk about the concept of splitting and borderline personality disorder, it's important to recognize that splitting is a nonspecific term. Splitting is either a cognitive distortion or a psychodynamic defense mechanism, depending on how you conceptualize it, but either way the concept of splitting is related to dichotomous thinking. Splitting not the same thing as the symptom criterion in borderline personality disorder that refers to unstable and intense relationships. These types of relationships are an example of splitting, but we can also see other types of splitting behaviors with borderline personality disorder. I'm going to be talking about splitting as it refers to that symptom criterion: a pattern of unstable and intense relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. I'm going to refer to this idealization devaluation cycle as the love-hate cycle. There are some characteristics that are specific to this particular symptom criterion or characteristic that we oftentimes see in conjunction with the symptom criterion. With this love-hate cycle, we oftentimes see that it's related to just one person at a time, and often a new relationship. Another characteristic of this love-hate cycle is that it can continue even when the relationship is over. Even though we think of this love-hate cycle as an example of splitting, sometimes we see ambivalence with this particular symptom criterion, so it's really focusing more on the unstable an intense relationship component and we don't always see the extremes of idealization and devaluation clearly defined. This is particularly the case in the devaluation phase of this cycle. Another characteristic specifically of the devaluation phase and the idealization/devaluation cycle is that it tends to be triggered by a fear of abandonment. The devaluation phase tends to co-occur with a lot of the other symptoms.

[victoriamorgan]

I’m glad I found your channel. I had an abusive childhood and my father idolized everyone else’s children, but NEVER his own. He abandoned us when I was a teen and once he found a new wife, he treated her children like gold and his own like dross. All 6 of his children, including myself, have spent a lifetime getting degrees, achieving high success in our careers just to prove we have worth. We all need a lot of attention, but are unable to form attachments. We don’t cry at funerals, we shrug our shoulders if a love interest rejects us, it seems VERY easy to remove people from our lives with a spoon and not think twice. I’ve always wondered why we are ALL that way. Your information has been very helpful. I’m tired of being told that I’m “just depressed”.

[veronicabetz]

I can see how the devaluation phase and the idealization-devaluation cycle is triggered by a fear of abandonment.

[MissLibertY]

I was raised by a bipolar mum and splitting is definitely a result of that childhood trauma. I suppose I started splitting as a reaction to my mum's shift from mania to depression.
I would hate her during a manic episode and love her when she was harmless and sad.
I can't help but think that I'm borderline, I know I shouldn't self-diagnose but I've got 7 of the 9 symptoms. When I have more money, I have promised myself that I will start therapy.

[gabilurio]

What a great find is your channel! As a mental health provider, I really appreciate how precise AND concise you are in your explanations. Thank you, Prof. Grande!

[timothymcdonnell]

Would you please include some examples. Also, for me, splitting has been more prevalent in non romantic relationships. It's tied to emotional disregulation. Looking back I realize that friendship has been black or white. You are my best friend ever or I don't even know you. What I am discovering is the grey shades of friendship. I have coworkers, neighbors, aquantinces, people with common interests and a lover. I'm 58 years old and just figured this out. In the words of Jerry Garcia "What a long strange trip it's been".

[darrynreid]

It strikes me again from your description here that splitting reflects deep emotional immaturity: babies and early toddlers do this too, where either everything is wonderful or it is screaming rage (research using facial expression analysis has shown the when babies really cry they are angry). However, while this is a normal part of being 18 months old, it is something again to see it in an adult who's in their 30s, 40s, 50s 60s or 70s.

[click_gaming]

Dichotomous thinking strikes me as the wrong descriptive term. I believe 'Binary' or perhaps 'Antithetical' thinking more so encapsulates the black&white nature of the perceptive disposition.

Pedantic as it may sound.

Or perhaps dichotomous thinking is actually the medical term and I'm just unaware.

Great vid. Fair play.

[wandamixon]

I understand that splitting can be conceptualized as a cognitive distortion or defense mechanism. I think that I understand how the idealization and devaluation cycle is an example of splitting. It might be helpful to provide other examples of splitting, if you have not already done so elsewhere.

[heartspacerelaxations]

I’m very insecure at the moment for a few understandable reasons. Im so easily triggered, especially if perceived sign of rejection or feeling insignificant to my significant others occurs very soon after particular closeness, be that emotional or physical intimacy. The uplifted mood, drops and I feel like rejecting them, even though I might do things to help them, which I tend to view negatively as a strategy to win approval. I hate my approval seeking.

Tricky stuff.

[jackiesorrells]

Splitting can be a self-preservation strategy for someone with borderline personality disorder.

[virginiamurrey]

Very informative video on a topic I was unfamiliar with. These video truly are enlightening, clear, and understandable.

[kelly]

This is interesting and good to know the distinction, all I knew of splitting would be in connection with dissociative identity disorder.

[SK_TorON]

It's funny (curious) to hear about an idealization-devaluation cycle being spoken about so clinically, when to those on the receiving end of such a cycle it feels like being put through a meat-grinder. How do psychologists who work with BPDs or (especially) NPDs cope with being subjected to such cycles in a patient? BPDs and NPDs have a knack for making any relationship personal, so that when they cut a therapist down, it is probably not easy to maintain a professional clinical stance.

[pinksonly]

Great to find your channel.helping me a lot in understanding just bookish words i read more clearly..thanks a lot!

[cee-emm]

Thank you for your BPD videos. They have helped both my husband and myself understand my mother-in-law better. We are currently no-contact with her but she will text to say that she wants to see our kids, then she will send "f**k yourselves" texts when she learns that other family members have visited us/the kids. Then she'll text another apology; rinse/repeat. I don't know how to deal with this other than ignoring her.

[eardrummed]

Thank You for your channel. I think certain disorders become popular un social media, with many people finding common ground with their beloved youtubers or social media influencers. What I notice lately is many young people saying they have Dissociative Disorder ( split personalities). Could it be that this spliting is actually a defense mechanism? They feel intense feelings, and deal with it this way? It's not Dissociative disorders but actually bpd?

[surfreadjumpsleep]

Once "painted black" & "bpd door slammed", what chance is there that the person will stop attempting to cut me out of their life? The painting black happened when I left town. But also it had to do with my reaction to her wanting to end the relationship... I did not accept it for a couple days and then tried to make her feel guilty about leaving so casually.

[Beam]

Thank you for the video and all the information you provide on mental health topics. Is there any literature you would recommend on BPD specifically? It can be aimed at either an audience of people close to someone with BPD or professionals. Thanks in advance and please continue your great work :)

[johnharrisjr]

Great video! Would splitting be like all or nothing thinking?

[TKO-qjzx]

I feel like the devaluation phase is also a defense mechanism. The intensity of the mood swings is unbearable most days.