What is Splitting in Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)?

In this video I'll be talking about splitting, a common defence mechanism used by those with borderline personality disorder (BPD).

TIMESTAMPS:
0:00 Intro
0:46 Splitting Defined
1:24 Why Does Splitting Happen?
2:46 Problematic Nature of Splitting
3:30 Splitting and Cats?
3:49 How to Manage Splitting
4:32 How to Tell When You're Splitting

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COME SAY HI!

Disclaimer: This channel is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute a replacement for the practice of psychotherapy or other professional health care services. The use of information on this channel is at the user’s own risk. The content of this channel is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining professional advice for any conditions they may have and should seek the assistance of their health care professionals for any such conditions.

[peytondowns]

This is so helpful as someone who definitely splits at times. BPD is a tricky illness.

[redkingsingh]

Being with some with BPD is probably one of the most painful experiences anyone can ever go thru...especially if they don’t get any treatment. Seems like your aware of your illness and doing your best to overcome it. All the best to you and yours 🙏🙏🙏

[carlosorjuela]

hi Kayla, im really happy to have found your channel, my ex girlfriend probably have bpd and this last months have been a process of working in me after the breakup, your channel have help me in the process of understanding more abour her process, i also think her story is really smiliar to yours. i got a great relationship with her family and we also got to the conclusion that she probably have bpd so they are now trying to help her in many ways, including getting help for psychology and psychiatry professionals. i show them your channel in hopes to help them and in some way help her in her process. keep doing a great work, i do think your are doing great and helping a lot of people, greetings from colombia

[Bathing.in.Emptiness]

This is a BIG issues in my life. My BPD wife of 30 years treats me like a king and says that I’m the greatest thing in the world, and then she’ll talk to her mom on the phone and literally throw me under the bus to her mom over a personal disagreement we had weeks, or months ago. She doesn’t want me to talk to her mother, other than discussing the weather, so her mother thinks that I’m this demon who treats her daughter badly, and I don’t tell her mother “my side of the story”, because our PERSONAL life is none of her mother’s f*cking business in the first place.

Because of splitting, I don’t have a good relationship with her mother. It makes holidays and get-togethers REALLY uncomfortable and awkward for both of us, and it gives my wife an “excuse” if our marriage falls apart, because it will look like I was the “bad buy” in the relationship, and she left because of me…. When it wasn’t! SMH!

[mrlozano]

In your video, you mentioned that people will ask "how do I know when I'm splitting?"

Let's say a gf is one moment saying you're the most amazing an hour later they are essentially calling you the devil incarnate. Do they know that just an hour prior, they were completely in love with the person? Wouldn't the fact that they are hating the bf with intensity just an hour later be the indicator that they are splitting, and cause them pause?

Can't they say to themselves, "wait a minute....this was the love of my life just a few minutes ago, why am I telling him I hate him now?"

Does a person with bpd have this internal dialog with themselves? Or are they so overwhelmed with black-split thinking that they honestly don't recognize it is their bpd, and that it is in fact because their bf is somehow truly an awful person all of a sudden and worth breaking up with at that moment?

Thank you for educating us and for all the successes in your own journey. God bless you!

[brianmarshall]

I had never known a person with BPD until I met my ex... Now I know all too well what "splitting" is... I got introduced to it in the worst way possible . Black and white thinking. Going almost instantly from "love"' to the ugliest form of of HATE. I was lucky that it was only verbal at that point. The uncontrollable rage and physical attack came before that... I will never be able to forget either event... live and learn...

Now, over 2 years later - I can see that it was not totally her fault. She was damaged in childhood. Her behavior seems to be dictated by a 2 or 3 year old child inside her who makes flash decisions based on entirely on emotion and impulses - not logic and rational thought.

However, she IS an adult - and she should take responsibility for not having sought treatment long, long ago.

I am glad to see channels springing up like yours - that actually deal with this from the BPD side. I've learned quite a bit more that better explains what happened and I can't help but be sad for her. She is one of those who vehemently denies that she has a problem. Follows that with blame shifting and gas-lighting. Unfortunately, that didn't work well on me. I keep a handwritten journal. She got tired of me pulling it out and showing her what really happened on whatever day she was trying to pin something on me.

From "our" side, my side - this was the most painful experience of my lifetime. 14 months of deep, dark depression followed. But I lived, and life goes on...

[phoebe-vcuk]

you are so gorgeous! and very intelligent! love watching your videos, they help me out a lot. :)

[coreanpolar]

I feel like I do splitting but I am very much aware and would come around BUT I do splitting more on myself. I criticize myself for doing such thing, which makes it difficult to trust my own judgment...(I think I have quiet BPD)

[alexb]

I think I could have bpd, but I can go weeks/months being totally ‘normal’ and then I have week-month long episodes of bpd like symptoms? I have all traits except from self harm/suicidal tendencies (tho I have thoughts) and chronic emptiness/boredom. I can’t see a doctor, any thoughts on if this is bpd/could be something else?

[khoakdoan]

One day I'm the love of her life and the next day she hates me in a matter of a few minutes. She hasn't contacted me since Valentine's which was when she broke up with me for someone else, I wonder if she even feels bad about it.

[ryarbrough]

Right... Sooo, suddenly you're being yelled at, accused of doing things you're not doing, and cheated on... again. ... ... too painful. NEVER AGAIN..

[darkninja]

Did you have trouble splitting with your therapist at all ? I find myself doing that if they can’t read my mind and then I want nothing to do with them smh

[cory]

Me: "I dont care for politics, I dont have opinions on anything really."
My friends: "You have strong opinions on literally everything"

It's funny because me thinking I dont have opinions at all is me being black and white about being black and white lol.

[charlesbromberick]

As Judy Collins sang, "I´ve looked at splitting from both sides now....".

[notyourfallguydaddyorson]

Ohh man you should see me during elections. I just stand there in the cross hairs and can't decide whether I agree more with the far left democrat or far right republican. Definitely a disorder that needs to be addressed. I think there's pills for this imbalance.