What Might 'Trigger' Someone with BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder

Clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula outlines some communication styles or topics that could "trigger" someone with Borderline Personality Disorder.

[CrimsonVioletMoon]

True story. For me it’s anything that makes me feel rejected, disrespected, or invalidated. Unfortunately that covers a lot of things.

[JB-flwk]

Abandonment is a huge one. Personally, my biggest trigger is someone not standing up for me. As I kid I was abused & nobody said/did anything about it. As an adult when I don't stand up for myself & the person I trust doesn't say anything I immediately feel small & worthless. It's something I've been working on for a long time.

[XxNekoMoonxX]

being unheard, dismissed, or misunderstood is my biggest trigger. especially if someone isn’t an active listener and not responding even just a “i understand why that would upset you/whatever feeling” or “i would be upset about that too”

[welej]

Tone is a huge one for me. If I’m talking to someone and they have even the slightest upset/mad tone in something they say I immediately think “I must have said something to upset them” and I over analyze the hell out of it.

[ABLW]

I'm so sensitive to abandonment and rejection. If people don't like me or are annoyed by me or disgusted by me it freaks me out. I'm trying to recover from addiction right now but the emotional pain inside is unthinkable.

[sholmes]

I'm jobless and I'm triggered by all kinds of people's words, like they literally gave me advices sincerely and I just got mad thinking about how useless I've been all my life, how abnormal I am, and all bad things that I did. It's just shitty how I can't even control my thoughts, not saying my life

[Noname-hslx]

The emotional flashbacks are intense and are triggered usually by things that press on the abandonment buttons
Shifts in energy, tones yes

[adipoem]

I lost a good friend because he has BPD and it became unbearable. He would attack and mock me over little disagreements or differences of opinion. He sounds like a 10 year old having a tantrum and I could not take his abuse. Such a shame because in other ways he was a great guy and I still miss him. What an unfortunate condition.

[rayisrael]

She nails it. Thank you for calling us "people with BPD" instead of "borderline". Thank you.

[carriemcdermott]

My therapist is retiring in a few months. This is our 8th year working together. She's helped me more than I can say.
I don't know how to cope.

[rachelb]

yep. my now ex friend went crazy over "tone" constantly, even in a text message or email. the toxicity became unbearable and when I tried to end it and walk away in peace, that's when she showed the scariest side of herself. im a survivor of abuse and put up with her to my own detriment. I did what needed to be done to protect my child and myself from her abuse

[StatchanaReborn]

For me if someone is unclear or not decisive makes me so anxious.

[securityguardcommand]

Absolutely 💯 abandonment. I was dealing with a patient yesterday who was triggered by a sense of abandonment by the nurses. Patient felt that time between checks was too long. He became violent. I was able to successfully de-escalate the patient and gain compliance. I used the LEAP method of communication that I adapted for security. I validated the patients feelings. I reassured the patient by actively listening and repeating back. Found something common to agree on and developed a plan (return to bed and get treatment.)
Had a great outcome to this combative person call.

[rachelm]

I wish that I had known about BPD and NPD years ago. I would have had a better understanding and more compassion towards some relatives in my family. Thank you Dr Ramani for sharing your knowledge.

[chaneykane]

I’m BPD but I don’t relate to the abandonment part so much usually because I don’t form relationships to begin with. Even if people do abandon me, I’m expecting it from day 1 so I never truly trust them. I very much use the technique of pushing people away and putting a wall up.

[rayelliott]

and for the partner it's like being afraid you've triggered a landmine

[SummeRain]

Those seem like things that would bother a lot of people whether BPD or not.

[softballgrl]

Definitely abandonment, specific topics, and if someone “needs to talk to me”. Like if someone stops texting me all of a sudden or my mom brings up how bad I am at my finances or when my supervisor calls me into their office 😰

[nm]

That inescapable feeling and fear that sooner or later, I will say or do one thing or mistake that would immediately trigger me being fired, or lose the respect of my colleagues, or be rejected by the workgroup. That dread drives me to feeling miserable - even if I love my job the retroaction I get is that I'm doing fine. Plus, you cannot reach out to anyone at work because you are afraid of outing yourself and thus be seen as a burden, or be told that all this is too heavy for them and risk termination.

That means, one day I might feel great and the next day because of some unrelated thought I'd be on my bed with my anxiety and negative thoughts racing through my mind.

[DulceN]

ANYTHING can trigger someone with BPD, things are black or white with them and there are no shades of grey in between. My 28 y/o daughter was diagnosed years ago with BPD and she can explode in the middle of a normal conversation or to a neutral comment about something not affecting her personally, refusing to even consider a different point of view or use common sense, although she is normally very even keeled and reasonable. She and her dogs live with me and it’s like walking on eggshells, never knowing what will trigger her next, just like when her narcissistic father was around. The best way I found to deal with it is to recognize that she cannot reason at that moment and either drop the subject or park it for a better time if it still needs to be addressed. The interesting part is that she later thinks about it, reconsiders and, not being good at expressing emotions verbally, comes home with something I may like such as Australian licorice, a veg. burrito, a sushi roll, etc. Life with a BPD person (or anyone in the Cluster B) is a rollercoaster of emotions.