What a BPD Episode Looks Like

Dr. Ramani breaks down for MedCircle host, Kyle Kittleson, what a borderline personality disorder episode actually looks like.

#mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealth #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #bpd #borderline #bpd #medcircle #psychology #personalitydisorder

[MedCircle]

What topic do YOU think we should cover in our next series?

[rose-hljq]

It’s the self awareness that kills me everytime, afterwards I have to live with the guilt of everything I said and did as an overreaction to something so minor

[jenniferblanchard]

It feels like a rollercoaster. One minute, I'm pushing someone away, the next I'm begging them not to leave me. It's so obsessive and I cannot seem to control myself.

[ambiguoussarcasm]

Anyone else isolates themselves because they don't wanna grow attached to people but do anyway and feel utterly alone in the earth?

[devlinfae]

I experience the “favorite person” a lot. I constantly cling to people I’m romantically interested in, but the feelings are extremely intense for a short period of time, and then fade.

[spookybihgaming]

My bpd is super triggered by jealousy and the fear of abandonment.

[BlueePanties]

after an episode, i always feel very shameful and undeserving of love and dissociated and if given the wrong response by my loved ones it just starts up all over again. its absolutely exhausting

[little_miss_vintage]

Having to live with BPD everyday is a literal nightmare and SO exhausting. It takes a lot out of me to have severe mood swings.. going into a full on rage when I feel someone has done me wrong and asking them to leave my life forever only to beg them to stay. Afterwards feeling super shameful and hating myself for the way I react and the things I say. The next few days/weeks I feel super low and begin to disassociate and blankly stare at nothing. Usually at this stage I just want everything to end and don’t care about anything. I don’t know how to stop

[VictoriaDiNatale]

BPD feels like a death sentence. There is such a heart-breaking stigma associated with those of us suffering from BPD. Society thinks of us as “crazy, ” but really, we are loving, caring, and kind-hearted people who are terrified that others don’t love us back. The erraticism makes me physically ill. Every day I get upset multiple times and then ruminate on it for several hours until my head, neck, shoulders, and jaw hurts. Then the next minute I’m happy and laughing so hard that it’s too much of a good thing, and I start to see blackness in my vision. Today, I’ve been ruminating for 6.5 hours about a conversation I had earlier, and my head started hurting so bad I had to come home and get in bed. I have no appetite and keep losing weight. I’m tired of burdening my family. I love other people and God so, so much, but I just don’t understand why I was created to suffer so severely. Most days, I don’t feel I’ll survive this illness called BPD.😢

[etaylor]

For me BPD attack occurs when I feel panicked that I’m going to be abandoned or betrayed. I don’t get these attacks if there are no other people involved. It’s very people focused.

[blckgoddess]

Its really hard especially when nobody understands or tries you’re just labeled as having a bad attitude or getting mad at small stuff..nobody understands..

[willowenchant]

Honestly, it's so exhausting having this disorder and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I'm constantly battling my own thoughts and made up scenarios in my head to try and avoid having a "BPD Moment" but no matter how hard I try sometimes, it just wins. I hope one day to not react with so much sadness/grief, it's tiring.

[kristenmeeks]

I’ve been medicated for “bipolar disorder and anxiety” since I was 14. I am 26 now and I watched the first video about the 9 signs of BPD and I cried becuase it was like putting on glasses for the first time.

[FucyouTarot]

The level of self awareness BPD's have is like a curse when it comes to these episodes.

[autumnwoodward]

When I experience a trigger it can cause me to “shut down”. I feel almost mentally paralyzed and I can’t stop thinking really negative things about myself.

[TheWerttyFiles]

I dated someone with BPD for over a year, and while at times I felt loved deeply, there were other times I felt deeply disrespected, distrusted and at times hated. I had to leave, it is not anyone's responsibility to fix someone else or to be their only pillar of support, even though I tried my best during that time. It's exhausting and painful, and even more so because you know the person with BPD is suffering just as much or more so than you are.

[kyliehenderson]

One of my most common "episodes" usually revolves around feeling judged or unwanted. In these episodes, the smallest trigger and my mind just starts racing these profound thoughts. "They said your shirt is wrinkly, that means you look ugly and dingy. Nobody wants to be around that. They probably hate being seen with you. They'll never want to hangout with you." At times, these thoughts come so fast I can't even decipher what they all say, because it's like 1, 000 people talking at once in my head. Which leaves me completely unable to communicate, just pure panicked, and then comes the "you're better off gone, everyone leaves you anyway, nobody will ever stay, it's not like you'll be missed" and it gets detrimental. I get uncontrollably angry and ashamed of my entire being. I am however, learning slowly but surely how to manage these spirals with the different DBT skills, and that has helped tremendously.

[michellefigueroa]

I don’t realize when I have “episodes” until it’s over, my emotions go into a crazy roller coaster

[Veeisforvictory]

Please remember to apologize to the people you have hurt during your episodes. It will help both sides to feel better and stop the cycle of hurt.

[fctr]

Omg reading everyone’s comments makes me feel so calm knowing that I’m not alone, I appreciate everyone last one of u