9 Signs You Need Stronger Boundaries

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You may need better boundaries - and I say this because most of us need better, healthier boundaries. Many of our biggest struggles in life are caused by us not setting, and keep our clear, yet kind and firm boundaries. In this talk you'll learn what boundaries you are letting people cross without realizing it, and what to do about it.

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[galpalsal]

Julia! My Dad used to say: "Listen to people's advice, and then do what you want." That is such great advice! I live with that to great advantage.

[chrisdigitalartist]

Thanks Coach Julia! Senior Shifter here!

I just recently put a boundary and said I wasn't available to do something. I did have some unhelpful thoughts about it, but I knew that it was okay, and I know my friend understood.

Here are my quick notes:

1. You feel guilty for saying "no"
2. You Feel guilty for taking time for yourself.
3. You feel guilty for asking for what you want or need.
4. You feel have to bend over backwards to cater to others.
5. You often feel worn out and exhausted for doing stuff for others.
6. If you think it is your job to fix other people or solve their problems for them or be anxious for them.
7. You often feel people take advantage of you.
8. If you never take time for yourself and you need it.
9. You say yes when you really want to say no.

To those who are reading this, remember always what a worthy and valued person you are! ❤

[pandzia]

My experience is that setting boundaries results in very serious retribution. For instance, at work it will worsen professional relationship and I will lose my job (very recent experience). With family, they will stop caring for me. With friends, they will be offended. Whenever I set boundaries, it brings severe disagreements :(

[antonboludo]

I think it is about proper assertiveness.

Some people have this naturally. I still have problems with this, though.

"When I say 'No', I feel guilty". Great book. 

The author, Manuel J. Smith, does look intimidating, though. He looks like he has no problem saying "No".

[gediminasmurauskas]

Thank you, Julia! This clip very much hits home! Being an appeaser / people-pleaser has been a life-long struggle for me. I am learning to set boundaries, but it's hard to relinquish life-long coping mechanisms and behaviors - whether good or bad.

[tammyh]

15:30 - this may be the best example of how codependency grew for me and my daughter, based on tiptoeing around my husband's mental illness and trying to "manage" him to keep ourselves safe.

[josephinewalker]

Setting boundaries on negativity you allow in your life is the most you can do for your life. Thanks for this wonderful message.

[sgsg]

I have ordered your book " Drive your own darn bus"by Amazon. Looking forward to it! Thank you ever so much for everything you constantly give us!😄❤

[MargoMartin]

I feel often that I've inadvertently done something wrong. It stems from being overly critiqued and my flaws constantly being pointed out by my mom, and most people in my life. Too many times to count, that I've come home from a family gathering and thinking it was a great time. A few days later I realize someone in my family is mad at me for something petty and innocent. I walk around life most of the time feeling guilty for just being alive and taking up space here on earth.

[jiwonnaman_]

Julia! I wanted to just take the time to say thank you so much for creating such helpful and life-changing content for those of us who struggle with these kinds of issues that negatively effect our lives day to day. Watching your videos have helped me shift my mindset and perspectives and has been helping me live my life with more optimisim and clarity ❤️ we truly appreciate all you do !! xx

[lesliengo]

I can't help but smile. I just love the work you do, and I am so grateful to have found you. My family is codependent and there is a lot of enmeshment. It sucks to feel terrible because those around you are feeling terrible. We are definitely not alone in this situation.

Also, I share your videos to people when appropriate to get your content out more. I really wished this was taught in school. I am in the making of sending a few of your videos to my local MLA to spread awareness that living better is possible. Thanks for all you do!

[captaindan]

This part is cool. Some of these applied to me when I was a kid. It's nice to know that I've outgrown a few things about childhood that I don't miss.

[tamararahaman]

My goodness you just perfectly described me 100%. All 9 signs, which tells me I have a lot of work to do. Wow. Bit by bit I will get there. We all will!. Thank you so much for your insights. I’ve found your videos very helpful in my healing journey.

[patrycjaszlachta]

Thank you. I am so happy that i found your channel🙏 Greetings from Poland

[carlospiedrasanta]

Ask for what you need. Thanks for sharing the example with your husband. It's just opened my eyes so much! ❤️

[queensillybritches]

There is a person I’ve reconnected with recently that I don’t like at all. And yet, I found myself hugging this person and feeling like I’m lying because I don’t want to hug them. I found myself playing “nice” with them at church.

And now I feel bad about it and don’t want to hug this person again without going out of my way to avoid them entirely.

That boundary problem of wanting to say “no” but saying yes really struck me. But I don’t know what to do now.

[arielle]

Sometimes no is not taken as an answer unfortunately

[scottsmith]

Question: There's plenty of information out there about setting boundaries with others, but what about tips on setting boundaries with yourself in interpersonal relationships? I have a history of oversharing or not considering my audience before I open my mouth sometimes. This can lead to regret, shame or beating oneself up about not setting a boundary with myself before I decide to share certain content with a co-worker or acquaintance that I feel backfires in some way later.

"Why did I share that with that person?" i think later. It's like I'm fast forwarding past the small talk and trying for a more 'real connection' by sharing something typically set aside for a more appropriate time in the convo or for people you’re a tad bit closer to.

[robertduran]

😁open mindedness...physically, mentally, heartfullally, soulfully, spiritually.

[robertduran]

The workings of Julia are simply outstanding. You seem to make me light up like a Chakra Chart Illuminating thought and all aspects of my being. Thank you for your teachings.