Why are relationships so difficult? (yet still so important for autistic people)

CHANNEL LINKS:
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// WELCOME TO ASPERGERS FROM THE INSIDE!!

My name is Paul and I discovered I have Aspergers at age 30.

Yes, I know, I don't look autistic. That's exactly why I started this blog, because if I didn't show you, you would never know.

As the name suggests, this channel is devoted to giving you insight into the world of Aspergers.
This blog started off being just my story, but I've learned SO MUCH about my own condition
from meeting others on the Autism Spectrum that now I make sure to feature their stories as well.

I've come a long way in my own personal journey.
Now I'm sharing what I've found so you don't have to learn it the hard way too.

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// WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THIS BLOG

You can expect me to get to the point with concise useful information.
I focus on what is most important and don't shy away from difficult topics.

The best way to learn about Autism is to see it in real life ( i.e. via the stories of many, many people on the spectrum).

In this channel I endeavour to show you what Autism and Aspergers look like in real people and to also give you some insight as to what's happening on the inside.
I upload a new video every weekend with some bonus content thrown in mid-week too.
There's always new stuff coming through so be sure to check back and see what you've missed. (Is this where I'm supposed to tell you to hit that subscribe button?)

Topics Include:
- What is Aspergers/Autism?
- Aspie Tips, coping strategies, and advice on common issues
- Learning Emotional Intelligence (this is my special interest!)
- Autism in real life: stories from special guests

Everything I do is and endeavour to go deeper and take you 'behind the scenes' to understand what may, at first glance, seem 'odd'.
oh, and I love busting stereotypes and turning preconceptions upsidedown :)

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// ABOUT ME

I discovered I have aspergers at the age of thrity.
It has been my life's mission to understand these funny creatures we call humans.
My special interest is a combination of emotional intelligence, psychology, neuroscience, thinking styles, behaviour, and motivation. (I.e. what makes people tick)
My background is in engineering and I see the world in systems to be analysed.
My passion is for taking the incredibly complex, deciphering the pattern, and explaining it very simply.
My philosophy is that blogging is an adventure best shared.

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// EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE TRAINING

I also run autism friendly online emotional intelligence training. So if you like my direct, systematic style, and would like to improve your own emotional intelligence skills, check it out here:

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// CONTACT

Blogging is an adventure best shared which means I'd love to hear from you!
Feel free to leave me a comment or send me and email at any time and I'll do my best to respond promptly.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy this channel!
I look forward to hearing from you!

Peace,

~Paul

[verabolton]

"If I talk slowly I forget what I am saying" - man, I can relate to that big time !!! :D

[luifer.]

I’m not even sure I’m autistic but I know something is off about me, people treat me so oddly and relationships are definitely a struggle for me

[chrisblais]

I love that you don’t edit the heck out of your videos. It’s very helpful to see someone work through their thoughts in a way that I do. I really like your videos. Thank you!

[lauriejean]

The issue is when you don't have fear of intimacy, and you are ready to compromise and do all the things that a relationship requires, but people just aren't interested because you seem awkward because you have autism...

[elierry]

The quick realization of loneliness in this buzzing world, it's like a sudden fall into a black hole, it's a lonely time in silence and darkness. I enjoy my time alone. But the realization of loneliness hurts, a lot. Next year, 24 and friendless. You know, you have thousands of people around you, the whole world, and yet you feel alone.

[dwoktheraynejonsohn]

Deciding if I even _want_ a relationship is hard

[drlarrymitchell]

The answer, my man, lies in the root word in "relationship": "relate"... and I don't.

[mariangarratt]

I do not get “close” relationships. Gave up 40 years ago. I have one main “emotion” it’s OVERWHELM. I can only feel like myself when alone. I do enjoy my life and my cat seems to love me. It is easy to make her happy. Mostly I relate to other people who need help desperately because they are old or ill and passed by

[jenniferhendrix]

One word! Brilliant! Never in my life has anyone captured how I feel or perceive relationships like you did in this video! Happy tears! Oh my Lord! I needed to hear this and I appreciate you! BTW this was my first time discovering this channel. I couldn't sleep and searched "why is it hard for autistic people to let go". It's ironic that your video gave me the opposite of what I was searching for but exactly what I needed to develop tools to connect with others while honoring my unique needs. God bless you Sir!

[Pinedirt_]

i get sooo tired of other people in general. even if it's not a super close relationship i just get so tired trying to hold up the relationship

[allanmaple]

Relationships are essential. We don't need to be close to another person all the time. The more intimate a relationship, the more difficult it becomes.

[nikkistephens]

Could you do a video on autism and a tendency towards co-dependent relationships, trauma bonding, or the person on the spectrum being used/ abused? Thank you!

[TheOneTrueAJ]

Hugely relatable. Hits harder the second time watching. I think we AS people need to understand that we are not "typical " people so a "typical " relationship isn't for us. We have to be aware of that then not be afraid to express the boundary. We need our time dancing by ourselves!

[Arkhs]

I think the biggest difficulty I have is just in the moment processing. I can't respond in a timely fashion in even a semi optimal way. I constantly have to apologise later down the line for misunderstandings.

Local overconnectivity global underconnectivity of neurons basically says it all. It just takes too long for the bigger picture to sink in.

Time and space really does help.

Edit: Case in point I took the title and question too literally and only just now got what you meant.

[Touay.]

Sincere question; How can I be 'friends' with anyone when I have no idea if they want me around?
When you perceive no positive feedback to your presence, and do not wish to impose yourself on anyone, what opportunity is there? And yes I know you can ask, but people are polite and do not tell the truth, and if they are saying one thing with the words but expecting me to 'get the hint', a hint I am never gong to get I can't work out a strategy.

[brittanymachelle]

I’m so happy I have found your channel, my husband is an aspie and especially in moments of frustration I have found myself using your channel as a resource for myself to understand his point of view! ❤️

[Jayzen]

I found this very insightful. Relationships require being open to another person which means being emotionally vulnerable.That is the basis of trust and intimacy.

[jbrtx]

All I can say is that most enjoyable times in my life have been when I've been alone.

[lizycole]

I often sabotaged my budding relationships in the past because I was afraid I was getting 'too close' to the guy and then I panicked...that's actually NORMAL! .😭😭😭 thank you for this video, Paul

[reggiep]

Mentally, I'm ticking boxes watching this and thinking 'Yeah, I enjoyed being on my own, I could control things better' but my relationships with people, my family and my ex-girlfriend were a massive weight on me and I struggled and I still do today. It's having connections you value and people who understand you and yet, things break down as people don't understand it, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, you struggle to understand until you realise 'I've been this way all along'.