Establishing Healthy Boundaries with Adult Children (Part 1) - Allison Bottke

Standing in heaps of trash, alcohol, drugs, and broken glass, Allison Bottke felt devastated. She had helped her young adult son clean up his life and rent a home, only to have him relapse into his old lifestyle, trash the rental home, and disappear. The next time Allison saw him, he was on the county’s “most wanted” list. When she noticed that almost every other person on the “most wanted” list was also in their 20s and 30s, she started thinking about the other heartbroken parents feeling powerless to help their young adult children. In this interview, Allison challenges parents of young adults to employ a tough love approach and break free of the stranglehold adult children have on their hearts. She shares a six-step acronym SANITY to help parents find understanding and freedom.

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[tammyhollandsworth]

Today I believe that families living together can help each other. The high cost of living is terrible. As a young woman years ago while living on my own, I struggled. There was no one to help me. Now my sister and I are both in our 60’s and we live together. It helps with us financially.

[rebeccaoprea]

There’s a fine line between helping and enabling .

[trollsnotwelcome]

Sometimes there are no supportive people around when you are going through something like this

[reese]

I so needed to hear this, constant prayer has been my remedy for peace🌷

[suskelleykelley]

I was 21 years old when I moved out of my parents house with 2 room mates. My Dad was very hurt and upset and thought I did it because I disliked him. He yelled I'd be back in 6 months because I couldn't survive without them. Actually it was a great learning experience for me to become independent and self efficent. I'm now divorced and a senior citizen

[barbaraclarke]

American parents seem to always be in a hurry to "kick their children out" without adequately teaching and preparing them for it, then complain when they come back home.These times are very different for young people compared to the generation who are now 65-76 or older.The cost of living is impossible and don't tell me it's all relevant and we are not even talking about the kinds of evil challenges they are exposed to in these times.Enjoy the company of your older children if you are fortunate enough to have them in your life still!Life is way too short.!

[jaynemoore]

We're the bride, He is the bridegroom. Love it when you listen well, letting the guests talk.

[tricia]

Allison Bottke's book on Relationship with Your Adult Children helped me so much!!

[apricotreewellness]

Because of economy, I would prefer my kids be house mates than work 60-80 hours JUST to pay all the bills. When rent is $2500 for a two bedroom apartment, cars are 2xs more expensive and insurances on cars require you list everyone in the household on your insurance, with$15-19 per hour after taxes, making barely$3K a month...
Burnout is a thing.
Now, I have four kids, older three are on their own. Teaching is key

[rebeccaoprea]

I think moving out also has something to do with getting married and people these days aren’t getting married and moving out like they used to.

[sharon]

To the lady, thank you for being raw and honest. It is easier to take advice from someone who is not trying to paint themselves as perfect .

[karenworley]

It certainly is a fine line between helping & enabling, 2 of my grown children are addicts, my youngest & only daughter is 28 and has been on drugs almost 6 years, lost her 2 girls 3&6, my middle son has been in this life for 18 years but only a few weeks ago went through his first, hopefully his last rehab🙌🏼 I haven't seen him yet but he's supposed to come here 2 days from now, Thanksgiving!!! I know for sure I need the help of holy spirit because our relationship has been a disaster while he was using, had finally told him not to come back until he got help, so praying this time will be different, peaceful and the beginning of our restoration 🙏🏼

[josephinescimeca]

Never lose hope!! Hope has been my anchor for all my struggles.

[bookie]

After traveling a long road of bumpy, difficult relationship with my daughter the last straw was when she wouldn't say goodbye to her dying father and she didn't speak to me when I took her son to the ER when he needed to go and I was closer in location to him. I am done. I can pray for her and her family. I do not need to see or talk to her.

[irmaflores]

Yes it really touched me. To hear her talk I really felt alone. With the burden of an adult child and feeling noone understands. Thank you. For giving me hope.

[anitathomas]

Cutting the umbilical cord at birth doesn't hurt; but cutting the cord at eighteen hurts beyond description.

[loberleitner]

I always appreciate John and Jim's demeanor in wisdom and compassion. Thank you.

[tamitippins]

I used to tie my teenagers shoes while he was still sleeping so we could get to school on time ... Four boys ... Now he doesn't speak to me... and another son is struggling to launch. 🙏🙏🙏🙏 thank you for your amazing advice.

[CreativeSoul]

Ha! I wanted my Son to feel the suffering of life so he could learn to get off the ground when he fell on his face! He is now 27 years old and I am so proud of how he approaches life’s struggles! He beat addiction and poverty on his own…. It doesn’t help to enable them!

[dedeebird]

This is a fantastic topic, thank you so much for your information and advice. I appreciate this programming.