3 Reasons Dismissive Avoidants Go Stone-Cold Silent After A Break Up

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How to Heal From a Breakup & Transform Grief

What are some reasons dismissive avoidants can go stone-cold silent after a break up?
In this video, Thais shares 3 insightful reasons someone with a dismissive avoidant attachment style can go stone cold silent and withdraw after a break up.

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00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:20 - What Is The Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Style?
00:01:05 - Reason #1: Disconnected & Repressed Emotions
00:03:54 - Reason #2: Feelings of Shame and Unworthiness
00:06:35 - Going Through A Breakup
00:07:35 - 7-Day Trial: How to Heal From a Breakup & Transform Grief
00:08:19 - Reason #3: Minimizing Attachment Needs to Other People
00:10:05 - Summary

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I’m Thais Gibson, welcome to my channel, and thank you for stopping by!

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[TheCoffeeCat]

I still love Thais's content, but quite frankly I'm sick and tired of feeling empathy for DA's who never felt empathy for me, never even thought about the possibility of being honest with me, and never sought to help themselves with their own issues. I'm now finding it much more efficient to turn this empathy toward myself and to forget they ever existed in the first place.

[roni.cuh.]

I gave my DA so many chances. I kept telling him how inconsistent he was and that I didn't want to deal with that. He would apologize and chance only to fall back into the same pattern (taking hours to reply or a reply till the next day). I got tired, always questioning him. After 6 months, I wanted some commitment from him to make me feel secure (I'm an AP). He said okay, then he became distant with no replies from a few texts. Luckily, I had been reading a lot and watching these videos. I can kinda confirm he detached, and I won't probably hear from him again. My last contact was 3 days ago, but I'm already blocking him. I knew something wasn't right since the first weeks of dating. Ladies, pay attention to the red flags. I shouldn't have let it go on that long ✌️

[margaretschmidt]

My ex, with whom I shared 11 years of friendship and 4 in a relationship, vaguely ended our relationship in 10 minutes and then dropped off the face of the earth. He couldn’t commit to living together but didn’t have the decency or courage to say so after all we’ve been through and after all I poured into him. He’s in individual therapy, too. Be careful out there everyone. And to those working on healing - I salute you

[yellowtheresunshine]

Very recent break up with a DA, who monkey branched to another woman, after 18 months with me. His break up text message to me; "Interesting week with my friend staying over. We hooked up. Didn't know she was here for that. I'll see how things go there."
I swear I read it 50 times to comprehend the brutality of what a way to discard me, or anyone.
He's on dating apps while starting a relationship with this poor, new very obviously AP woman.
12 days down the track for me, and absolute silence from him. He's not my problem anymore, and the relief is kicking in for me. He was an endless flirt with other women. Has no empathy or conscience, and completely self absorbed, and I've learned he uses women only for validation. I know not all DA's are this harsh, if at all, but this to others in my experience, hidden behind a superficial boyish charm.

[Mermaid_]

He ghosted then sent a message 6 weeks later on my birthday weekend. He didn’t say happy birthday or God forbid send a gift. No, he told me I should go a different route with my business 😐

[everybodysayparty]

Oh my gosh yes. This cycle of blocking feelings and eventually they flood out. It’s exhausting 🥺 thank you for articulating what I am now realizing I’ve been living

[Sarafara]

Thank you for this! When I broke up with my ex DA he didn’t say one word. I was so hurt thinking that I never meant anything to him and he so casually moved on. Now, I can understand more why that happened.

[asmallbitchybanana]

The Da told me one day “ive always felt like i have nothing worthy to offer 5o a good woman”. That hit me deep.

[Kv-pkst]

I've heard you comment several times and your videos about DA's feeling defective in some way. My DA Partner made the same comment about feeling defective.
It broke my heart to hear that she could feel that way. I said to her (I hope this was the correct thing to do) Babe, we're all a little defective and it's ok.. no one's perfect. it's what we do about it that makes the difference. She had her first therapy appointment 2 weeks ago. Wish us luck

[beckymusgrove]

In my experience, my DA ex jumped into another relationship before he even had a chance to process our breakup. After 1.5 yrs, he broke up with me on the phone and was so cold and emotionally shutdown. I tried to talk to him in person, and he refused. We had no real conversation about the breakup, and he left things in the most negative and unresolved place possible. Within two months, he was in another relationship, and five months after that got engaged. His son was killed three months after we broke up. So he basically didn’t process our breakup, distracted himself with another relationship, and then rushed into engagement during the honeymoon period shortly after his son was killed. So much about that timeline is mind-boggling and unbelievable to me.

[imsunnybaby]

this makes things make so much more sense. still thinking about a d.a.... and my emotional communication towards them probably couldnt possibly have made them run away further. pushed them as far away as possible. im sad my desire to connect with them is probably the thing that makes them disconnect so strongly

[restlesswinds]

I strongly identify with the FA attachment style, but I can relate to the reasoning behind the DA's search for distraction. I ended a relationship with someone I believe is a DA last year. He didn't reach out until about 6 months after that & our communication has been sporadic since. I haven't really minded that though. Recently I've really started to miss him & it's been occupying my thoughts. It's crazy to realize all the things we do to convince ourselves we don't care & how both types will push away in different ways.

[dloaded]

Thank you Thais for the reminder about what we grieve during a breakup! 6:35 It’s so helpful because we do tend to make it about that one person otherwise, and it’s really not as much about them as we think it is. Tough perspective to remember when we’re deep in the pain and generating stories from that hurt space ❤

[edgreen]

To all da's doing the work. That's great.

[martine]

Thank you so much, your timing for this couldn't be better. As an FA i get why he did it, things were getting "real" and neither of us were secure enough to realise what was happening or knew what to do. I was in the middle of exams when just decided he didn't want to do this anymore and being so stressed I lost it at him 😢 It was only then that started looking at attachment styles and realised what was going on. I don't blame him for not wanting to speak to me. I have apologised over text but I don't know what else I can do. So in the meantime, last night to be exact, I have joined the PDS community to make sure I become secure. I wish there was a way to get him to do the same but I doubt he's even in a space to contemplate a suggestion over text, it sounds like he'd probably just see it as another defect he has, and that hurts me to even think about because I hurt him enough to retreat. I know it's not all my fault, but it still hurts😢

[peacefulminds]

Your insights and observations were so helpful, and I feel like I have a much better understanding of this attachment style as a result of your video. Thank you for creating and sharing your video on Dismissive Avoidants.

[sifublack]

As I watch more content on DAs from this channel, I'm questioning where the fine line is between being a DA and being a narcissist. I'm a DA and 70% of these behaviors and coping mechanisms I've never done and/or used.

[howtosober]

This alone is why I'll never date a DA again- on top of all the other reasons. Kudos to the DAs on this channel doing the healing work. But being thrown away and stonewalled as if you never mattered to a person isn't something anyone that respects themselves should put themselves through. I know I won't anymore.

[Braddicusfinch]

Interesting to get this perspective. Went through something recently where she said she needed space and then just never came back. Cut to 3-months later, and we're at the same event (My friend is her brother, dumb of me I know aha) and she goes to him, bearing in mind I was the last one to message, "Why hasn't he said hello to me?" 🤣 Just trying to see the funny side and the understanding side of it all haha

[mdmcpherson]

Explains why I got silence both times I’ve tried reaching out to reconnect as friends