7 SIGNS YOU HAVE REJECTION TRAUMA | DR. KIM SAGE

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[ChrisW]

I'm trying to learn that unless someone has actively and directly said or done something to me, then it is not rejection. Sometimes our minds carry us away to conclusions that are just not true.

[carenfeldman]

I think such rejection traumas can also come from outside the home, from the betrayal of trust from peers and friends. You expect a certain reciprocity from a friend as well, a feeling of safety, of mutual interest, but when childhood friends pull that rug out from under you and betray your trust, I see a similar emotional response can result. Loss of trust in others, loss of belief that you are worthy, constant self-reflection on why you must be defective.

[BecomeConsciousNow]

This is all me! I have complete "DISBELIEF" if someone likes me or shows any interest in me because it seems "ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE!!" If someone shows the slightest interest in me I kind of shut down, freeze and panic all at once because I cannot handle at all the thought of someone liking me. If feels unbelievably uncomfortable. I guess that's why I've been single almost my entire life because being close to someone makes me fall to pieces. Really good insights here!

[pamelapalmer]

I got all 7. I'm diagnosed with CPTSD. I was rejected from birth. I've made it to 70, all messed up but I'm content now in my own world. Atleast I know what's been the problem all along.

[whitebirchtarot]

Unfortunately, people get parented incorrectly and then they just keep passing it on through the generations. I’m glad I decided by the age of 13 that I never wanted to have children and I never changed my mind. I’m in my 60s and still working on myself! Parents have no idea how much damage they can do. thank you for this video! I’m sorry that it resonates with so many people. 💕

[lrain]

I had everything materially, good home, nice toys, clothes, holidays, but I was never; hugged, kissed, held, told I was loved, felt loved or knew how to approach anyone for love. Criticism was the norm for me. I am 67 now and have two children both adults. They were loved, cared for, hugged, kissed, appreciated. I have fostered children too and now realise I was trying to undo what was done to me. My mother is 95 now and I can't bring myself to hug or kiss her. As for a new relationship, I would struggle to believe anyone could like me enough to stay! I had three long term relationships including one marriage, and they all cheated multiple times. Best stay single, I can't go through the pain again.

[Greeneyed_goddess]

I just realized a few days ago that I’ve had this. I’ve been working with law of attraction and through the theory of “everyone is you pushed out” I realized every single person in my life has rejected me and then I noticed I’m rejecting people lately to gain some sort of sense of self because my self concept, or self belief system was so damaged. I saw how I’m doing exactly what you said, projecting rejection into every single conversation or interaction I was having. I’m 35 and have almost no childhood memories so it really sucks to have to take responsibility for something I didn’t deserve but that’s been subconsciously running my relationships and keeping me in isolation my whole life. Just like you said at the end, that’s not the way to live and we deserve better. I’ve lacked healthy reciprocity in every relationship my whole life. It was healing to hear the things that help is what I’ve been doing. Challenging those beliefs has helped. But the biggest one is being aware of this and then we can take those baby steps, as you said, to get out of this cycle and change our lives for the better

[Mus]

It’s based on experience. I’ve been rejected so many times specifically in relationships that every time some thing seems to be potentially working out, I just wait until the rejection hits. And it almost always done. Almost fourteen years of this. It’s real people.

[Elicia]

My father left within weeks of being born and my mother blamed me because I ruined her life. I completely relate to the deep loneliness that you speak about and have lived in survival all my life. Am so exhausted

[pooie]

When I first went to collage, a guy in my dorm said I was an enigma. I didn't know what that meant and when I looked it up I felt ashamed that he was so right. I'm now in my 50's and I spent a lifetime distancing from people and deliberately not letting them know who I really am, often abandoning them before they get too close in an effort to protect myself from being betrayed or abandoned by them first.

My dad was stoic and emotionally distant. My mom was a narcissist who would alternately say that she loved me then take any and all information I gave her about myself (what I was doing, thinking, feeling, etc.) and weaponize it to cut me down emotionally. I grew up being so confused about what love really means and to this day I still feel like I can't trust anyone.

I do have friends from college and work, but I've never been in the "inner circle" - I've always only been a satellite, revolving around other people or groups (and focusing on them more than they do me).

I'm a loner and I do often really enjoy being alone, but sometimes I wish I could have (or could figure out how to) found a really good life partner who I could trust and with whom I could be vulnerable and then I get really depressed in the realization that I will likely die alone.

[coryharry]

I hope you’re teaching other therapists about CPTSD, Dr. Sage. I literally have been to 20 therapists over the last 40 years, trying to explain / understand what was going on with me, and you nail it. Putting a name to it was the start of my recovery. I tend to attract people with narcissistic tendencies (because familiar), but can spot and avoid them right away now. I’ve gotten all the selfish self absorbed people out of my life now, and have no regrets. Thank you so much for what you do!

[joemama]

Would it be possible for you to do a video covering the effects of frequent moving/relocation during childhood?

I experienced the aforementioned rejection trauma on top of moving every 6 months to 1 year until age 18.

I’m 26 now. No long term friends. No history with anyone or anywhere. I barely know how to socialize even tho I desperately want to.

I’ve been working minimum wage “background character” jobs, lacked the self esteem to pursue higher education beyond my GED. I could go on and on. I have an older sibling with all the same problems. We both feel hopeless sometimes

[chenaloyon]

for real i am currently weeping tears while watching this... I'm so tired of being always rejected

[bitssoriASMR]

A guy I was least interested in blocked me suddenly and it triggered me. I don't know why. I didn't even fancy him. He's almost a stranger but the rejection has suddenly triggered something in me. This happened previously as well when a complete stranger kicked me out of an online audio chat room after being friendly. In both cases, the common denominator I found was being misunderstood and rejected without giving me a chance to explain/understand. That triggered me.

[heatherwiner]

This is a 100 percent me. I am 57 years old and single and lonely. Only time I can let my guard down is when drinking. I can not even hold on to a job. Had one relationship.

[loztpm]

I already knew I had this trauma of course, but it has never been so eloquently and perfectly put that I have that deep, DEEP loneliness and I literally have an emotional breakdown every couple months over loneliness. It’s so hard to shake cuz I moved to another country alone in my early twenties and community is just harder to find. But it’s also good ole trauma. Thanks for not just explaining these things but always offering ways to deal with/resolve it so we don’t have to feel so stuck ❣️

[MarCapa-eduv]

I’m 40, and I’m trying to live cured from this feeling.

[thescapegoatclub]

These are so spot on. Always anticipating rejection from others, avoiding being reliant on other people, saying yes as a reflex rather than if it’s the right thing….. thanks so much for the video!

[Sashology]

Thank you so much for this. I knew I wasn’t imagining the treatment I experienced. It’s really sad that some of us come from households whereas the parents made sure we had food, clothing, shelter, an education, extracurricular activities and everything we could ever want but felt rejected by our parents. Trying to tell them these things is met with their denial because they did the aforementioned. Thank you for seeing us, rejectees!

[nancybartley]

Do any of you lack memories being touched, hugged, held, kissed, cuddled, or patted on the head by your mom? I can't remember one time any of these things happened. I can't figure out if that means I was never touched. But if most people can't remember these things it might suggest they did happen and I just can't remember it.