How to Actually Handle Rejection

▼ Timestamps ▼
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0:00 - Preview
0:49 - Reddit Post "I have a hard time dealing with rejection"
4:24 - Rejection Sensitivity
22:22 - Questions

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Today Dr. K talks about rejection, how to actually deal with rejection, why you struggle with rejection, and more! Healthy Gamer also talks about being sensitive to rejection, avoiding rejection, and more!

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DISCLAIMER
Healthy Gamer is an online community and resource platform for gamers and their families. It does not provided medical services or professional counseling, and it is not a substitute for professional medical care. Our coaches are peer supporters, not professionally trained experts, and they cannot provide medical service. If you or a loved on are experiencing an emergency, please call your nation's emergency telephone number.

All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story.

[CalculusDaddy]

My late great uncle said to imagine a world where they said “yes, ” but didn’t mean it. Would you rather be in a relationship with someone who didn’t really like you, but just said “yes” to please you? Would you rather have the embarrassment of getting a job that you’re not qualified for just because you’re “nice, ” only to be fired a month later? Would you rather end up bankrupt because your banker funded your bad idea just because you wished they would? Often rejection is actually saving you from deeper, and harder to recover from pain.

[ebola]

the timing... I literally confessed my love yesterday and got rejected. Love you and thank you, dr K. I've never experienced anything more helpful than your videos.

[luhniso]

They’re not rejecting you, they’re rejecting who they think you are. After every rejection, you’re still yourself; what other people think can’t change you.

[ZeRo-yczf]

Have been scared of rejection all of my life. The more I go out and socialize with people, and even face tons of rejection is actually a huge relief of pain compared to the pain of living in a bubble and watching other people from the outside

[uhcbvyv]

Never got rejected because I never ask out in the first place

Keep on the grind boys

[georgegray]

A quick mental skill my counsellor taught me to help manage perception is to come up with 3 reasons why the person did what they did, and one explanation must be whacky. It really helps loosen up the mind and have empathy and curiosity 😊 Hope it helps, champions 🤩

[enthiegavoir]

"I'm 22 and still feel like such a child"
Friend, im a little older, living on my own and working, and mentally I STILL feel like I'm a strange kid, and I always get told that I shouldn't worry about how I don't feel mature, and I know a lot of people who feel the same. You're by no means alone and you're definitely not losing the race of life.

[szabib]

"You gotta be rejected over and over again."

So far so good, this part I got down to a tee. I just really wish at least once I would not be...

[mudmud]

Something I noticed as a kid is often people would have a need to put someone else down because they lacked the confidence to accept themselves, so I learned to put myself below someone to make them feel better and so they wouldn’t feel threatened by my personality anymore. I learned it because adults were bigger than me and they could hurt me as much as they wanted until I gave them the personality they wanted me to show.

When I was little it was really scary and lonely. Now that I am bigger, when I notice someone feels threatened and is going to start trying to put me down, I remember how I used to feel and think they are using their strategy they learned to stop feeling that way — becoming the oppressor so that they aren’t the victim anymore.

Being present with the person and empathizing with their secret inner feelings while they do this has really helped me find new, surprising ways to connect across differences and even transcend the victim-oppressor relationship so we notice stuff we didn’t even realize we had in common and start collaborating to help each other grow.

[skateshark]

This does a great job of addressing how to tackle the “perception of rejection” i. e. not getting a text back but I was wanting more exploration of actual or clear rejection. For example, if I apply to a job and they get back to me and say: “You’re a great candidate with a great resume but you aren’t what we’re looking for so no.” I ask out a woman and she says “You’re a great guy but I am not attracted to you so no.” I submit a book to a publisher and the publisher says: “This is a great book but we don’t publish books like this so no.” These are rejections, changing my perception or perspective on then will not change anything.

[GrippeeTV]

I absolutely can’t rave enough about you, this channel, and your coaching program Dr K. You do SO much good for the world my man. Finally making progress after feeling so stagnant for so many years. Y’all if you are having difficulty definitely sign up for his coaching. Shit is amazing 🔥

[matchasgotcha]

I would never ask out girls who I wasn't sure 100% would go out with me if I asked. While it's cliché to say that failure helps you grow, putting yourself out there is the most important. Just try to go into dating with an open mind but no expectations - don't think they have to go out with or that they're not into you.

[TSH]

Personally the only solution I've found is to have strict boundaries around rejection. If someone has proven themselves to be unreliable, then I must set a boundary around that. "I will not ask X person to hang out and will only have a casual relationship with them." For as long as I have an ego, which is pretty much always unless I'm tripping or something, I have to have boundaries to protect myself. The whole point of boundaries is to keep myself safe when interacting with other people. And it may be that I need stronger and stricter boundaries than other people due to my own upbringing. I can't allow people to continually and endlessly disappoint me, and there is no way to bullshit my perception around that. Usually when I've reached that point, I've already did everything I could and have had conversations and those conversations don't lead to anything and the best, and at worst end up with other people calling me exhausting. I can't force people to do anything. And yes, even distancing myself from people who reject me is acceptable. I don't owe people anything. I don't need to be an ass, but I don't owe them anything either. I am allowed to be disappointed and hurt

[The_Boys____]

Honestly the rejections I can handle, it's the constant ghosting after a good date that messes me up mentally.

[gianz]

What helped me a lot in learning to accept rejection by a girl is the simple thought that just as I shouldn't feel compelled to accept an invitation/proposal by someone (despite finding them agreeable), so other people shouldn't feel compelled to accept mine. I've been rejected and I have rejected. We're all just human beings and it's normal that we're not interested in everybody. What we CAN do is raising our chances by taking better care of ourselves and become better, more interesting, funnier, more mature people. But let's never forget that ours (just like anybody else's) is a proposal, an offer, not an imposition or ultimatum.

[demilung]

"You may be the sweetest peach on the tree, but some people just don't like peaches."

[Aces]

I never knew "rejection sensitivity" was a thing, I guess it's good to know that I'm not alone. I've only ever asked out two people in my life, and both rejections made me suicidal and depressed. I don't think I can even watch this video, just thinking about this topic is putting me in a bad place...

[kennylaysh]

"rejection" itself has never been my fear. I also reject people, if I'm not feeling it, and I personally feel the odds of 2 people being 'right' for each other is VERY rare in the first place. So no worries there. My issue is "how" you get rejected, and that's where the fear is. When you finally decide to flirt or ask someone out, and they give a disdainful look and make you feel awful. That may happen mostly in teen years, but when it did happen, it did not feel good and you don't get used to it, lol. For me, I would only ask out women who were good people - and anyone that turned me down in a nice way, it was totally cool and we moved on as friends without issue. I asked out a waitress (very carefully, as I knew her about 2 years and we chatted a lot - just a tiny place), and she was super nice about it, but said no. We texted back and forth that day, made some jokes, and our friendship didn't waver at all. THAT kind of rejection is actually great, because you can remove the question of "is there more here?" and let friendship be the focus. For me personally, that is a great feeling.
--this is my brain rambling, sorry if it made little sense or sounds stupid lol!

[Jyklag]

I'm so glad Dr. K is here. There are a lot of times where I find myself in such a really bad state but whenever that happen, Dr. K is here to release some videos that are quite similar to my situation. I'm so happy whenever he releases videos, i felt someone could explain how my emotions are doing right now and could guide me to the right path

[micheller]

This video should be shown to every pre-teen. Dealing with rejection is one of the most important and useful tool that nobody will teach you (except for Dr.K obviously)