Breaking Free from the BPD Cycle of Guilt, Shame, Fear, Doubt

Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:

It is hard for many people to forgive themselves, whether it is for transgressions that hurt others or hurt yourself. This video will discuss self-forgiveness and steps you can take to start healing. I also discuss the guilt, shame, doubt, and fear involved in this process. This is process that is challenging for many people, particularly those with a BPD.

Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.

He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:

Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.

[timothymcdonnell]

"I apologised, you accepted my apology, I'm moving forward" "I am not 100% responsable" Is this where normal people live? Is this how flawed human beings function in society? It sounds wonderful. I think I will write these out on a card and tape them to my mirror. This is how I want to live. Thank you.

[Sarah-cpiq]

I struggle a lot with self forgiveness. Even with trying to repair hurting someone, I can't because they want nothing to do with me because of how much I hurt them 😢. Thank you for this video. This will be hard but I will try to leave my past in the past xx

[ddcaires]

When you said "Feeds BPD" I immediately felt it...

My BPD is probably morbidly obese, it's been well fed for decades

[keef]

It's amazing how much I now know about this disorder of mine when most of my life I lived wandering and confused with no answers, now I learn more about the shame that is so in grained in me, I have so much shame surrounding so many things that people see as just normal, it's so strange.
thanks for your hard work on these informative videos, I appreciate them emensly.

[gailwestphal]

I’ve never heard a more eloquent explanation of the spiraling process. I apologized for myself continuously. I took full responsibility for anything negative that would happen, gave all credit to others and took none that belonged to me. Or denied any responsibility, blaming others totally. And then felt angry and resentful that I didn’t try and say how I truly felt or what I truly thought. So all or nothing, so maladaptive and in a moral sense, a lie we tell ourselves and others. All in an attempt not to get hurt. Anyway, I’m grateful for your work. Thank you. 🍃🌷🍃

[MAY-bmlh]

"You don't have to apologize for who you are"

[darija]

Dr. Fox, I am so grateful for your work and help. This is precious! 🖤

[DNoor-qxnu]

I swear I needed this video this morning and I’m so happy I found you doctor. Please know that you’re so so appreciated for this. I just was diagnosed last week and I have watched so many of your videos

[elliebrown]

Another thing too, maybe you haven't hurt anybody significantly...but you've got shame from childhood abuse; developmental trauma. That's my case. Forgiving myself for what happened in these years (that wasn't my fault!!) & letting go of the shame that was never mine to carry...is what is needed.

[madfisher]

I don't know about others with BPD but it always feels like whatever mood I'm in, going about my day, there's always a low simmering anger under the surface, it's almost like I look for ways just to get some of that anger out but when I do I turn the anger back on myself because I feel so bad about what I've said...I feel like that anger"s always there, just below the surface, like a low simmering pot that you can't really see on the surface ...hard to explain

[JL-iyyq]

I had a really, really bad day yesterday. I was feeling shame over the past and no hope for the future at all. It was a crisis linked to the fact of seeing so many people I know of getting engaged, pregnant or getting a new job. While I feel like I'm stuck at working on myself and my BPD.
I fell into isolation for a couple days, but at the end of the day yesterday, a friend reached for me and asked me what was wrong. And all he had to say when I was done talking was : '' well, I guess this is a day in the BPD extreme. I feel how it sucks right now, but you know that It will pass. ''
And even if I was a little mad to hear it at first, like it was unvalidating how I felt, I thought about it a little more and I knew he was kinda right. I focused on that. Telling myself that I my brain was sending me BPD reasonning. It was not magical, but I could refrain the very dark thoughts and refrain myself from self-harm.
Your video is à propos.
Thank you.

[madfisher]

you're so good Dr. Fox because you really seem to understand the deep feelings and beliefs of us, not just our symptomology, which many sites do

[milcavilasboas]

Whenever I feel overwhelmed by anxiety, or depression I turn to your videos. They're life savers.

[papakael]

This and the BPD lens video just shattered an illusion I didn't realize the depths of. This is huge. It's scary & pretty hard to digest but immensely wonderful & relieving at the same time.

[AdelePeters-nrpb]

I did a poem on bpd. It's called Broken Shadows.

Shattered broken shadows of the past, anguish and pain,
Forever ruminating, running, from trauma remain.
Will freedom eventually welcome me, releasing the shackles of despair,
How can this disparaging troubled heart ever repair?
Endless flowing thoughts, emotions, and shame,
Relentlessly searching within myself to punish and blame.
Please help me with this endless mental struggle,
It blights me daily with overwhelming, despairing trouble.
I simply ask not of anything other than to be free,
The unwelcome visitor that lurks inside of me.
Hope is all that if left when the soul is dead,
The sun rises high enough to raise my weary head.
The light of the morning instils hope once more,
For the sorrows of one's heart, tirelessly bore.
A new day, a new dawn of growth and healing,
Endeavouring not to sink to the depths by keeling.
To see the sunrise 🌅 and set in a day,
Is the hope of all hopes that refuses to fade away.
From the enchanting delights of birds early morning song,
To the whispers of the ocean moving my heart swiftly along.
The colours of the earth's landscape alight my shattered soul,
Reviving, enriching, this alas again I feel whole!
So when we feel all hope has withered,
We rise again for hope to be delivered.
We grab it tightly for a new day has begun,
Let us not do what we have always done and run!
We rise once again to see the sun rise and set,
For we can not predict our future by gut nor bet!
To face yet another day of intensively feeling,
Trying to figure out a new way of healing.
For the broken shadows once more, chase me again,
Please help to fight the judgments of man who condemn.
And so I look to music and nature to be soothed and healed,
It is these adoring, enchanting things that pain can be sealed!
For if we saviour each moment when free of pain,
That's when we rise out of the broken shadows again!
Poem by A peters

[Joy_esprida]

Wow thank you for this video. I live with immense shame and a past that I still haven't forgiven myself for. Which has impacted my present alot bc I can't act normal around certain family and I run to my cave Everytime people come over. Its like the shame I live with really takes over me.. I'm trying to tell myself that the past can't be changed..but it still really bothers me

[NightCrawler]

I didn't even know what was wrong with me until a few months ago... I wondered why no one understood my emotions & why people told me that I was "crazy" or "overreacting". I wondered why I can't bear the guilt of doing something wrong. There are three reasons why I'm so blatantly honest & straightforward: 1. I feel like being honest is the right thing to do, & it's what I expect of others. 2. Being honest is the easiest way to be, so it cuts out a lot of anxiety. 3. I simply cannot handle guilt. I may not have hurt people by lying, but I have hurt people by lashing out. My grandma used to ask me how my day was, and I'd yell at her, "How do you think it went? It's always the same. I just want to f'ing die." I used to be an addict, and I did something I thought I'd never do, and I stole money from her. I never got the chance to apologize correctly, because I didn't stop lashing out on her & I didn't get clean until after her last stroke... I wrote her a letter & read it to her, but she doesn't have the cognitive ability to comprehend things anymore. It's almost like when someone gets into a fight, and the last thing they say before one of them dies is, "I hate you." Now she can't even ask me about my day anymore; She doesn't understand much anymore & can hardly communicate, and I feel like I'll never get over the guilt I feel for treating her as I did. Thankfully, I've come a long way with owning up to my poor behaviors. But I still can't stop saying sorry for being the way I am. I tell my fiance that I'm sorry for being sad & for crying. He tells me I don't need to be sorry, but I still feel sorry for it. I am pretty proud of myself for being able to apologize after I lash out though, and I've gotten a bit better with taking time to organize my thoughts when I feel overwhelmed. I realized that my anger comes from sadness & past abuse, & so I try to remind myself not to take it out on him, but to instead calmly explain to him why I feel how I feel.

[AdelePeters-nrpb]

I wish hope and peace to All who suffer 🙏

[agnese]

Thank you soo much ....we are human and non a label....and is soo painfull to live with this everyday

[JulieEllen]

99% I have BPD undiagnosed. Thank you for sharing this information and helping others.