You Must WALK AWAY From These People! (Heal From Toxic Breakups & Betrayal) | Dr. Ramani

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On Today's Episode:

By now, you are most likely aware of narcissistic behavior being grandiose, egotistical and charming. If many of us can describe a narcissistic person, then how do we fall into unhealthy relationships with people that have zero concern for our happiness or well being? If you’ve experienced a relationship with a narcissistic person or happen to be currently living through narcissistic abuse then you are familiar with the frustration, the gaslighting, and feeling totally lost on how to end it or get out of the relationship. There are very clear traps narcissists use to keep hold of the people they want to control. Dr. Ramani Durvasula is an expert in narcissism and clinical psychologist. She is also a repeat guest on the show, joining Lisa for the third time. She’s breaking down all the ways narcissists are trying to trap you, how to heal from narcissistic abuse to move on, and how to create better boundaries and a plan for revenge.

SHOW NOTES:

Feeling Lost | What does moving on from a narcissistic relationship look like [1:02]
5 Traps to Avoid | Dr. Ramani breaks down 5 traps in narcissistic relationships [5:39]
Hoovering Trap | A powerplay tactic narcissist use to suck you in after you’ve left [9:38]
Avoid Enablers | Dr. Ramani explains how enablers make it harder to walk away [11:44]
The Hope Trap | Dr. Ramani reveals how narcissist trigger hope to keep you baited [13:44]
Trapped by Guilt | When vulnerable narcissists trap with the belief you can save them [15:24]
Responsibility | Dr. Ramani on why responsibility of being treated poorly is not on you [17:27]
Trauma Bonding | Why people hold onto the good things in bad relationships explained [21:47]
Breaking Triggers | Dr. Ramani explains why being alone for a whole year is necessary [25:35]
Danger of Control | Why controlling what someone wears is a dangerous dynamic [35:53]
Be Cherished | Dr. Ramani reveals why being cherished over desired is important [38:37]
Rebuilding Trust | Why it’s hard to rebuild trust for with yourself and tips for progress [42:00]
Boundaries | Dr. Ramani’s tips for setting boundaries when you don’t feel safe [55:21]
Revenge | Dr. Ramani explains the best form of revenge against a narcissist [57:25]
Self Efficacy | Dr. Ramani reveals how to heal from narcissistic abuse with indifference [1:04:38]

QUOTES:

“The hope is around, you are a better navigator of your own life, and you had the wisdom to extract the lessons from this really difficult experience.” [5:07]

“You can retain your empathy and compassion, and you can also preserve yourself, and your job on this earth is not to rescue another capable adult. That responsibility lies on them.” [17:03]

“Even if you try to teach them how you want to be treated, they ain't listening because they have no empathy. They don't care. You're merely an object to get them what they need.” [20:08]

“That time and becoming reacquainted while you're not in a relationship is where you find out that your legs can stand on their own.” [32:04]

“It's not just about the trust of the other, it's about that you have the right to set a boundary, and that's about trusting yourself.” [46:45]

“You may not be able to like, boom, set this line in the sand with this person, but that doesn't mean you have to sit here quietly and endure an uncomfortable situation, you can give yourself permission to leave, and it ain't your job to school that person anyhow.” [56:06]

“If you can think of revenge as you being your best self that shuts everybody down.” [59:04]

Follow Dr. Ramani:

[LisaBilyeu]

What is your best tip for someone who needs some emotional healing?

[Stygian]

I just filed for divorce after 31 years of adultery, devaluing, disrespect, and blaming to justify his affairs. I have watched Dr. Ramani for the last year, building courage to take that last step. I am finally free of a loveless marriage, starting to look forward to every new day. Maybe I will find a real love later on, but for now I am enough;) Don't tolerate being treated like you have no value and are less than. I am so glad I found these videos as they helped me to break away, know I am not alone, and I am not the broken one.

[unknown-lfzx]

When you can’t afford therapy…thank goodness for YouTube and this doctor!

[DoctorRamani]

Always a pleasure to have a conversation with you, Lisa! Thanks for having me again!

[daphnygregory]

From my personal experience….once I was able to leave my narcissistic relationship, I dated myself for two years! Yesss, I went to places he wouldn’t take me, changed my daily activities to include all of the things he wouldn’t want to do with me. I ventured out of my comfort zone, took the path less traveled, and at end of it I discovered my true potential, I found

[etaokha]

I was more lonely in the relationship than I wasn't in a relationship. Being alone is the best thing ever. Embrace it

[douglassmith]

When you break up with a narcissist, you wake up the next day and say to yourself "oh, my God, I am alone...." Then, after many many more lonely mornings, you wake up and suddenly say to yourself, "oh, my God, I am FINALLY

[melanievanoorschot]

You will never be as lonely as you were in the relationship. Being alone does not equal loneliness🙏🏻

[MaureenWHamblin]

A Dr. Ramani video a day keeps a narcissist away!!!
Her and Patrick Teehan have saved my life.

[RippleDrop.]

The _hardest_ thing was to realize the person I fell totally in love with, never existed. He was a phantom and I'll never get the 'first week person' back because it was all a fascade. He idealized me and I felt for the first time in my life seen for who I was instead of being scapegoated. Then it turned slowly into a nightmare.

[sannajohanna]

I spent my christmas with my three cats. I had peace. Peace. Peace…. And fun, when my cats played. They did not yell me, complained about my outlook (they never do), or controlled my eating or anything, etc. Peace and fun, can you imagine such a Christmas?

[briarrose]

The best revenge is living your best life. Absolutely.

[melissamiller]

I have blocked and cut off all communication! I will never again give my siblings the chance to hurt me! I've been the family scapegoat since I was 15 yrs old. I'm 60 now and their games are OVER FOREVER!❤️

[amberthrockmorton]

"So many people were never taught how to be treated." - I resonated with this!

[cherylinfield]

I'm in year 3 of being divorced from a narcissist. I have to co-parent with him because of our 2 kids who are 12 and 13. It's been a struggle but he told me when we were divorcing I would never make it without him. I've since then bought my own home and upgraded my car all by myself. She's right, be successful, be your own navigator!!!
If you're planning on leaving a narcissist, plan, plan, plan! Be patient, get a better job, save money, build your support system. You can do it!

[GillianRice]

This woman has helped me more than any friend, relative or therapist ever ❤ thank god for this woman

[susanjurasas]

Dr Ramani has saved me my life. Leaving the narcissist was the best decision I made. I continue to obsess over him but I know it will take time to heal. If it wasn’t for listening to her, I would still be trapped in that nonsense.

[fatcatontario]

My biggest learning takeaways from this life lesson are:
- always trust your gut
- establish strict boundaries early on and see if the person respects them
- listen to how the person describes people (narcissists view people as resources/tools and will generally not talk about inner personality traits as valuable)
- share a sad story with the person to see if they display empathy (they usually ignore the topic)

I have been out for a month and I would never go back. Not after I've learned the true face of the person I was with. It is like a blackhole consuming any light it can possibly get near.

[mariavargas]

“We really do gravitate towards the familiar even if it’s traumatic”. That is absolutely truth

[shrewdminion]

What sucks is that my husband acted like he cherished and respected me in the beginning but he slowly started to show his true colors throughout the yrs. Towards the end, he really showed his narcissism. Watch out for covert narcissists