Midweek with Dr. C- When You See What The Narcissist Cannot See

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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. In the past 40+ years he has conducted more than 65,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.

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[LisaSmith-ybuz]

The more we can heal, the more secure and safe we become in ourselves, the less defensive we are and the more we can accept that life is not meant to be a constant “war” of us vrs. them . 😌❣️

[rwdchannel]

What amazes me about narcissists is how they can be passive aggressive, disagreeable, invalidating, and gaslighting in a few sentences. It would take me a lot of thinking in how to pull all of those things off in a few sentences, but it comes naturally to narcissists.

[BaraSchmidt]

The biggest, most important thing I see that a narcissist cannot is "Healthy!" Healthy choices, Healthy relationships, Healthy approach to life. And a large measure of Peace! Stay Healthy !😊

[egnimia]

When my husband used to drink, he would say the most vile things to me for HOURS. The next morning when I’m super upset about the night before, he’d say “what’s wrong with you “ when I’d tell him what he did and said, he’d say “ well you knew I was drunk so you know to not listen to me when I’m drunk” he would be right in my face yelling at me for Hours!!! Never ever apologize

[moncalesso]

I find your videos incredibly knowledgeable and insightful! Thank you Dr. Carter

[DiscipleofHim]

Team Healthy in the house ready to learn how to defend against the narcissistic world.

[westcoastpicker]

Thank you for yet another fantastic video Dr C.! 😃
When I hear or read what survivors of narcissistic abuse (like myself) have endured from the narcissist(s) in their lives, I often think about the Hall & Oats song "Rich Girl". The line that states, "It's so easy to hurt others when you can't feel pain" is what comes to mind for me. In my humble opinion, this sums up why narcissists think, speak and behave as they do. Their behaviors are extremely twisted and evil in every way imaginable. Keep up the amazing work, I absolutely love watching and hearing you speak life to us all!❤

[TicktakSunny-vzux]

Don't be afraid to call out bad behaviour for what it is. Stand on the truth...sure it hurts like hell but giving in to this behaviour will make you feel like you are complicit....stand on truth and integrity.

[libbyjean]

Too the question about ‘does the N do you a favour by rejecting you’…. My own N mother recently decided to make a Declaration through an email cc’d to my entire family that I’m no longer a part of ‘her’ family. It was the breath of fresh air I’ve been waiting for, for FOUR YEARS of walking away from her abuse.
I do agree they Are doing you a huge favour by not wanting us in their lives, we’re good people, they know it and can’t handle it.
Cheers!

[jeankipper]

When my mother said, complete with tears, how sorry she hurt us when we were young, it might have worked better if she didn't ACT like, "Did you buy that? Because the embarrassment of this will be worthwhile if you do."

[darinsmith]

1. Narcissists liking each other.. My guess is that they are getting something from each other..
2. Shame.. I did not realize how much that my environment was shamed based until I left and came back..
3. Brother.. If I have to "Don't Tell Anybody" generally that means there is a problem..
4. Before the internet.. I really didn't know about Narcissism until maybe 5 years ago..
5. Father.. What is coming up for me is "Don't talk, don't trust, don't feel."
6. Affair.. I have heard that when it comes to making amends you do not do it if it will hurt the other person.. Affairs seam to be the big one when you tell someone about it that it hurts that person..
7. Art.. I think art does say a lot about someone.. I just think of nature when I look at your art.. I have to keep telling myself this but the reason that I go into the mountains skiing is to get out of the city and to get the city out of me.. It grounds me..
8. Does not accept me.. This is such a challenge for me.. My natural instinct is to go into people-pleasing.. I am aware of it and I am working on it..
9. Mom.. My mom's amends to me was that she never loved my dad and she did not want any kids.. It hurts but at least I am validated..
10. Covert vs. immature.. I look at immature as not managing responsibilities.. I am not sure how to answer it for how to handle emotions.. I probably struggle here too because they are probably being immature and then I give in.. Hmm.. I will have to think on this..
11. Are they aware.. I could get into a deep spiritual discussion with this one but I would say that they know what they are doing according to them.. New age we talk about EGO and Narcissism.. False Self and True Self.. Big me and little me.. Do they know when they skip you in line or cut you off in traffic? What do you think?

[michelleharkness]

Thank you so much 😊, Doctor Les Carter, Ph.D. and 🐶 puppy 🐶 Gus ! smiling 😊

[deborahrichardson]

When I read the title, I thought the answer is "reality" .

[CPoh]

Thanks again, Dr. C. I appreciated your explanation of different terminology. While I have shared with my adult children that my husband/their father is covert narc, they prefer to think of him as "socially awkward".

[JKB-jixl]

Thanks again Dr. C!
I liked the whole video but especially enjoyed heaiabout your wife Jennifer and your living in art! Hey, my cat Buttercup says Hello to Gus! Please let him know.

[nikkismart]

This unfortunately describes my birth giver perfectly 😢 unfortunately she's destroyed me as a person but thanks to your videos I can understand what is happening a bit more
I can't escape from her unfortunately 😔

[rosettarafanelli]

Love Govi ! Discovered over 20 years ago

[grb]

Dr C I am from Australia and I worked in Canada and have that same artist bear painting on the wall!! Small world 😀

[normanieves]

Thank you for what you do, Dr. Carter!

[JimGoatChicago]

Dr. C, I've got an issue I need help with. I stopped doing holidays with my only sibling about 7 years ago because she is so dysregulated and awful during those times and has ruined decades of family events. My kids all know this and have experienced it over and over and we talk about it frequently. But sometimes one or two of them will still suggest I go visit her over a holiday and try again because my mom lives near her now. They are in no way flying monkeys and they understand the issue very well usually, but holidays bring out the old familiar "family is family" feelings I guess? I tell them, "You can go if you want, but I'm not." and sometimes they keep gently pushing me to try again. I think they see her recent better behavior as real change, but I see it as the same cycle it's always been and somewhat due to me walking on eggshells while we have to work out some things for my mom. And they don't have the phone calls I have with her or the 60 year history of dealing with her disrespectful and invalidating behavior. She can be bad around them, but is much worse in private with me. (FYI I do go visit my mom frequently, but stay in hotels and avoid events with my sister as best I can.) How can I work with them on this so they don't feel the need to keep suggesting I try more?