Midweek with Dr. C- Why Do Narcissists Need Your Confusion?

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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. In the past 40+ years he has conducted more than 65,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.

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[jimmydean]

They need you confused so that you don't see who they really are.

[amandaliverpool]

Confusion is necessary to keep you believing in their chaos!

[Coolingfin]

They need your confusion because... They need you to mirror THEM.

[SherryWilson-dkbo]

Confusion to the enemy is an old war strategy.

[anacardinale]

I want to offer my perspective on the topic of adult children reconnecting with estranged relatives. I am 68. I have been invalidated and treated like an outcast by my mother and siblings my whole life. I blocked out most of my childhood trauma as an adult and have tried to forget the past and live peacefully with my relatives. But, the last 10 years have been hell on earth for me. No matter how hard I tried to fit in, I have been subjected to the narcissistic manipulation of my mother and siblings all over again. Their modus operandi has always been to label me difficult, isolate me from other family members by saying malicious gossip based on their own false narratives, and in doing so, silence me. That is where I find myself today. Totally isolated. My only support has been my adult children but because they interact with my biological family it is only a matter of time before they accept the lies. The lack of remorse within family bullying systems can only be addressed through distance. No one ever said reconnecting with malignant and dysfunctional people who feel they can get away with the level of character assassination I have been subjected to is required, necessary or desirable. Reopening old wounds in social family settings will be like opening Pandora's box.

[abetterlife]

Wow! I’m allowed to make mistakes and that’s okay?? I needed to hear this!

[jwilson]

I think narcissists need to confuse the person theyre abusing to hide what theyre really up to. I was accused as a child of 'imagining things' and being 'deluded'. The result was that i didnt know what to believe and it made me doubt my iwn thought

[vanitamann]

My husband of almost 47 years is very sick now and I take care of him the best that I can. He's an extreme narcissist. I don't really have clarity of mind anymore. He's been emotionally and mentally abusive. He used to shove me and throw trash at me but he's too sick to do that now. Looking back on my childhood I was always wanted to make people laugh and please them. I never pleased my mom. When I was little I stuttered a lot. She would laugh and tell me to say what I was going to say and my brother and sister would grin in agreeance with her. That would always make my stuttering worse. Several years ago I was in a car wreck and had head trauma. That changed my way of thinking and responding although I still wanted my husband's approval. Now I wonder if the tables have turned. It's like a line was crossed and I'm at a point of no return. I'm afraid that I'm a narcissist now or am I just finally taking up for myself? Your videos have helped me tremendously. You are greatly appreciated. God bless you!

[BaraSchmidt]

The rampant manipulation and exploitation of another human being who is there FOR you...finding that truth and acceptance of that reality will start your journey to Healthy! Just know not spending another day as their supply is an option. Stay Healthy!

[IzabelaWaniek-ix]

Feeling confused around a person is a huge red flag for me that I might be dealing with a toxic person. Thank you for your brillant advice and calming presence and assistance dr Carter ❤

[FLOWERSMe-kq]

It seems that the narcissists in my life sometimes create confusion because good people show them up for being the callous, manipulative people they are. Secondly, they want to destroy anothet person because their sadistic and seem to reel when someone else is joyful or happy. Pretty sick.

[wendychavez]

At 26:02, the question about a narcissist's triggers, I thought about the first time AG and i watched a movie together at his house. We had been seeing each other for a couple of weeks maybe, & I think he was shifting gears; he'd been gathering information about me, & obviously understood my triggers better than i did. Now he was shifting into testing my triggers, & Planet of the Apes gave him a good opportunity. He made a comment about how he thinks war is a "gift from God" using one of the scenes as an example, & I flipped out. I calmed down enough to finish watching the movie with him, though I think I spent the night at my own house rather than with him, & the next day i told him maybe we shouldn't continue because our views are so different. He's a skillful debater, & easily talked me into sticking around, despite my awareness that I was allowing a precedent to be set. I dont think I "regret" that choice, or 5 years that we were together, because I learned a lot about myself and continue to learn through my association with Team Healthy. I do wish I had held my ground when I realized toxicity was his preferred MO. Shame & regret are anathema to my preferred state of being, & they're integral to his dealings with people. When he suggested we separate because he didn’t like the fact that I was making friends that weren't him, I saw that he wanted to manipulate me and chose my words carefully. "You're probably right" was not the response he wanted, & he couldn't really argue with it. I immediately felt the release of tension. Then I watched a video from Dr. C for the first time, & have been growing ever since!

[michelevarner]

Both my husband and myself were raised in dysfunctional families with narc parents. Our parents are definitely NOT the only narcs in the family. You have to do a lot I mean a lot of work on yourself to even start to see dysfunctional, unhealthy behaviors in others because of how the narcs raised you to not see it and deem it as normal. So be very careful reaching out to family you don't know. NPD 60% genetic and 40% environment meaning raised by disordered people. The family is riddled. Our parents are great with first impressions. And actually can keep it up for years until the person triggers them and they get targeted. The family revolves around them. IMO unless a narc parent is severely disordered has other disorders they aren't the black sheep of the family. At least in our families the narcs center themselves in the family and it provides enormous supply and controlling the narrative, hiding poor behavior etc.

[RobSlopezJr]

Thank you, Dr. Carter. You have helped me so much. You give so many examples and you are a really good person. I've watched some other videos and they give bad advice. I will only watch your videos or the other channels I watch are people you have had as a guest on your channel. I hear a lot of stories about bad therapists, some have even taken advantage of their patients in such evil ways. I know Hannibal Lector is a fictional character, but he was a therapist too. It's sad how so many narcissists are in positions of authority and abuse that authority and trust. You are a very good man.

[EmilyKresl]

My ex would sometimes say "fine, you win" to end a fight he started, it worked at first because I was just so happy to get a win, but after that when he'd say fine you win I'd say "it's not about winning or losing. It's about learning and evolving and respecting my right to have my own opinion." Then he'd fly off the handle which proved to me I struck a nerve. It always gave me power when I remained calm and collected and chose my words wisely when he went on a tyrade. He'd start a fight only to be all lovey dovey and act confused when I wouldn't reciprocate and I would have to nicely remind him he crossed a line and that I ONLY ever had one boundary and he continues to ignore it only to cry and ask me why I'm not talking to him and don't want to "make this work" again for the billionth time. Fun fact! 3 months after I ended it he wound up getting arrested for assault and domestic battery on his own disabled elderly father and is in jail for 6 months. If it wasn't his dad who got hit it would have been me. Stay safe out there team healthy!!!!

[mommaboombam]

Need it or not, their very good at confusing others. It almost seems like its fuel for their soul. Yuk 😮 yes i understand they may have experiences that may have brought them to that point but do they not make a choice? Unconscious behaviors? Maybe for some of them but not all. Peace to everyone. Ty Dr Carter.

[jeankipper]

THANK you for these very clear directions to answer. All of the narcissists in my life have had (very selective) moments of being a good person. ESPECIALLY to outsiders. In fact, I've been told how wonderful they are. Were. Thankfully few are complete sociopaths.

After years of your clear talks, I'm finally hearing THAT I DON'T HAVE TO GO ALONG with them. It's SO helpful to have specific words to say to them.

Thank you so much!!!

[tbunnyshy]

First off, thank you Dr. C. Secondly, the title of your channel stands out to me today. “Surviving” is the truth! I just got ambushed and starting explaining too much, aka giving the playbook. 😂🙉 When we fall for the antics, we can simply begin being a part of Team Heslthy again. No biggie. Press on and move forward. 🕊️❤️

[CaterinaRivanor]

Visiting Paris from Sweden and needing to hear this on my holiday ❤

[Pamela-ku]

My health insurance was hacked and updated with another persons address to receive communications. Which of course is illegal and they weren't authorized. So yesterday they became the victim.