How to Stop Overthinking Part 1: The 4 Subconscious Reasons You Overthink Everything

Depressive rumination is a type of overthinking where you create the habit of dwelling on the past. You rehash all the terrible things you can think of over and over and over. Depressive rumination says “Why is life so awful? Why am I such a failure? Why can’t I ever be happy?”

Rumination is like ruts in a road, whenever you’re not paying attention, you slip back down into thinking about all your regrets. But then you spin your wheels, you think and think but never get anywhere. One of my other clients, Elena, constantly dwelt in the past, she’d Ruminate like this “ Why did I buy this car? I’m such an idiot!” Or she’d say “Why am I so depressed?” and she’d worry about it for hours every day, for months. But she didn’t just dwell in the past, she projected it into the future. In session she’d often say “What if my depression never gets better?”.
Another type of rumination is dwelling on how you were mistreated. Maybe your dad shamed you when you came out to him as gay, or your boss threw you under the bus at work, or your lover ghosted you, and you spend hours of your day wondering why they did that, alternating between resentment towards them and wondering if it was your fault.
Rumination might also look like fantasizing about how your life could have been better if you had done things differently. Rumination contributes to depression, anxiety, and hopelessness.

Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.

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[topazrivera]

Man I so understand this. It’s like a constant hyper awareness of everything. And if there is nothing to think about your mind is uncomfortable with peace so it finds something to worry about.

[NallahBrown]

Overthinking = a false sense of control (believing that analyzing is controlling) this hits the core of perfectionism

[NallahBrown]

"Confident people are more willing to make imperfect choices."
"Self reflection leads to action, rumination leads to stagnation."

[norse_cat]

I do all of these. I think it comes from people-pleasing and social anxiety.

[shelimeli]

Signs of overthinking
1)can’t sleep easily
2)decision making problems
3)re-create past events
4)ask questions like what if or why me
5)make negative assumptions

[donnalubrano]

Overthinking should be my last name—it’s what was taught in my house growing up. It’s so comforting to know it can be unlearned! This is great. Thanks Emma!

[HrvymIk]

Man I remember being confident when I was a teen and being willing to roll with imperfect decisions while knowing my decisions would come with unpredicted things that would go wrong, but I strode on and did stuff anyway. I'd do anything to go back to being like that again, as an adult. Spending my adulthood in decision paralysis, overthinking, and basically wasting years away in depression sucks!

[PeaceFan]

This is SOOO ME!! I overthink and Ruminate about Everything and I am Exhausted!!!

[conniemiller]

I've been told I'm an overthinker, and maybe I am. I'm also a constant worrier. I've been like this my whole life, can't help it. I also think I'm ADHD as an adult. I've always had problems paying attention and listening to whatever is being said to me. I have a very hard time understanding things and following through with completing tasks. I am very distracted also. At 70 years old now, I'm still suffering from everything I've typed here, and feel unworthy, depressed and sad.😢

[ceralith]

Finally someone gets it! Rumination is a positive feedback loop with my depression and anxiety- each feeds the other in an attempt to offer some sense of stability and control when I feel physically bad, but it ends up just feeding the depressive episode instead.

[ladyjosephine]

Jayzus, you've just totally described me. Sometimes my overthinking is so bad I think I'm going to go mad. I thought I was the only person in the world that was such a friggin idiot. Nine months ago I changed jobs to a manager role and my overthinking has just spiralled and is making me so flipping miserable. Thank you for this series, I think I might end up in a nut house if I can't get a grip.

[bestiary]

Your videos make me feel instantly calmer. They’re straightforward. They make me realize I’m spiralling in my thoughts and I can get a grip when I realize that I’m being foolish with my thoughts.

[sidpastore]

“ruminant—like a cow” is how I always explain it to people too :)

Every time my one friend calls me when I’m not expecting it I ask him if it’s something bad lol. 99% of the time people don’t call me so it does kinda freak me out.

Looking forward to the series but I wanted to share—Something that really helped me was the concept of “worry time.” You schedule a certain time to worry as much as you want and the rest of the time you’re like “that’s not what we’re doing right now.” In practice for me it’s like an hour of super negative journal thoughts and then after it’s purged I have to try to be more reasonable. I haven’t needed to do it as often since I started self-compassion and lovingkindness meditation though.

[alyssabrown]

I just crossed off all seven. The issue is that I've been doing this since I've been a child. I would love to stop. Can't wait for the next videos

[sonjaforrester]

I'm a Premenopausal woman who recently in the last year or so has started ruminating at night. And it's bad. Its like I can't stop. It's often about something I have said or done..I'm a bit mouthy, anyway I will worry for hours. Then in the morning it's really no big deal and I can completely see all sides. I need this series. Thank you!

[monaami]

I only recently became aware that I ruminate. All my life I was convinced that I was not ruminating - I was only analysing my past actions in order to make better choices in the future. Just that the amount of things to improve increases faster than I can improve them.

Every psychological phenomenon looks totally different from the outside than from the inside.

[metzdupcounselor]

I literally LOLed on number 4. And then, I spent the next 6 hours thinking about all the times I could've done something more productive. Lesson learned.

[emilye]

I'm 66 years old and I still over think..this video helps a lot..ty I'm ready for the next 5..

[taranextstop]

I don't like uncertainties. It's important to me have control so I can get assurance over my comfort.

[Hisdaughter]

It’s scary how much of myself I saw in this video. I don’t want to overthink anymore, it’s draining and wastes so much time. I’ve subscribed and look forward to the next video 😊