How to Stop Depressive Rumination: Overthinking Part 3 Stop Dwelling on the Past

Depressive rumination is a type of overthinking where you create the habit of dwelling on the past. You rehash all the terrible things you can think of over and over and over. Depressive rumination says “Why is life so awful? Why am I such a failure? Why can’t I ever be happy?”.

Rumination is like ruts in a road, whenever you’re not paying attention, you slip back down into thinking about all your regrets. But then you spin your wheels, you think and think but never get anywhere. One of my other clients, Elena, constantly dwelt in the past, she’d Ruminate like this “ Why did I buy this car? I’m such an idiot!” Or she’d say “Why am I so depressed?” and she’d worry about it for hours every day, for months. But she didn’t just dwell in the past, she projected it into the future. In session she’d often say “What if my depression never gets better?”.
Another type of rumination is dwelling on how you were mistreated. Maybe your dad shamed you when you came out to him as gay, or your boss threw you under the bus at work, or your lover ghosted you, and you spend hours of your day wondering why they did that, alternating between resentment towards them and wondering if it was your fault.
Rumination might also look like fantasizing about how your life could have been better if you had done things differently. Rumination contributes to depression, anxiety, and hopelessness.

Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.

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[kaw]

It helps when I tell myself that no amount of stressing in bed until 3am is going to allow me to travel back in time to correct something.

[KimberlyLetsGo]

I try to say to myself when I catch myself ruminating’Stop! That’s not true.’ And I immediately think about one of 3 things that I love or enjoy. Mine are watching snowflakes from my living room window, seeing my sister or how soft my bed sheets feel. It’s called a break state and it works.

[dbsk]

Basically ruminating makes you feel productive but is actually a waste of time and makes you miserable

[beautyamongashes]

No thoughts without action…
I live 98% of my life up in my head. This could be one of the biggest changes of my life! 🤯

[laralebeu]

1. "What" questions instead of "Why" Q's, "Why am I so depressed?" --> "What small thing can I do to feel better?", "Why am I so stuck in avoidance patterns without a chance to break out and why am I so dissociated?" --> "What can I do to break my routine and what connects me to life?"
2. No vague statements / overgeneralizations, "I will always be miserable and stuck." --> "Right now I'm feeling blue, and it's okay for now to feel that. I'm already doing a lot just by accepting myself and staying aware."
3. No thinking w/o action: Be the wish I want to see in the world. Choose an area of concern, what is needed, and then take steps towards that.
4. No self labels, "I have depression." --> "Currently, I'm giving energy to behaviors patterns and habits which make me feel depressed, and I use this time to gain awareness of them.", "I'm lazy, and I never change." --> "Change takes time and isn't a linear growth curve. It's okay to fall back into old toxic habits. I continue to stay aware of it in order to learn."
5. If you point out the negatives, you must counterbalance w/ at least 2 positives. See both sides and not only one side, "I make a mess out of everything." --> "I messed this one thing up, and in my past I did things right. In my past, I also learned from my mistakes."

[TheSouthIsHot]

"You might believe that thinking about your problems a lot may help you solve them."
"You feel like if you just think about the bad stuff more, you can prevent it... or regain control over the past."
You have given me the keys, Emma.🥰

[thenande]

Sometimes someone does something unjust to you and you will keep thinking about it simply because of how unjust it was. What worked for me is telling myself they are mentally sick, so we can't be upset at sick people, so forget about it.

[WithMunchkins]

"The more you think about something, the deeper the grooves it creates in your brain"
💡WOW that's Big!! 🤯
That's a game changer. I picture it as, the thoughts are water, and they will flow along the certain pathways where it's easiest to flow through, the pathways most used.
I'm going to start applying that right now!! To make new pathways, the ones that are much more positive 💛 Thank you!!

[markg.]

As we say in addiction recovery, "Don't live in the wreckage of the future". (or the past) It's debilitating mentally, and physically. Prior to getting sober, I had no concept of a "spiritual condition". During my now 28 plus years of continuous recovery, I have seen countless people go from "restless, irritable, and discontent", to "happy, joyous, and free"! THAT is the power of developing a spiritual condition. My belief system today, tells me that no matter what, I won't have to self destruct! It allows me to LIVE IN THE SOLUTION, instead of the problem. All the best...Mark

[ireallyder]

One aspect of rumination is that it tends to become addictive (drug like). So once you start, you fall into a pattern. Thank you for the strategies because identifying the behavior or pattern is the first step to change.

[madammisha]

I’ve been haunted by an incident for the past 3 days. No amount of rationalization, explanation, destress mechanisms, or yelling “Stop thinking about it” IS HELPING. I will watch this video in full to see if I can get better

[katherineliriano]

I have been working on this for quite a while. It is quite crazy how automatic this way of thinking is for me and how hard it is to not think like that anymore

[MrAdriancooke]

I am 65 years old now but seem to be obsessed with my schooldays 50 and 60 years ago

[Darwaxion]

I ruin my life overthinking, I feel miserable. I get anxiety attacks thinking what a failure I am. I hope I can afford one day getting online therapies from you, Emma. We are most probably not in the same country.

[andreasrylander]

Wow! When you said that dwelling on things become a comfort zone and it feels weird when things are looking fine.... damn. I've always wondered about that, but I don't think I've heard a therapist mention that before. What a wakeup call! Of course that's somewhere I wouldn't want to remain. I resonate with some of the reasons I ruminate... and yes... it's not the way to a better life. I will not be able to solve things by ruminating.

[danshaffer]

Thank you for this video. I have 67 years of regrets and anger that continually comes to mind. It has been driving me nuts lately. I am reviewing your steps and hopefully applying them will give me some relief. Thank you again.

[dcny]

You can't shame yourself into a positive state of being.

[daniellefever]

I am going to have watch this video 3 times a days for the next 5 years.

[ceralith]

Thank you. This is the closest anyone has come to describing my experience during bad anxiety and resurgent depressive moments.

[JuliaShalomJordan]

In the middle of ruminating…I found this video. 😂
Thank you.🥰🙏🏻🌟