Why Narcissistic Parents Don’t Teach Their Children (Infantilization / Learned Helplessness)

An in-depth look inside the minds of Cluster B disordered parents, why they sabotage their childrens' cognitive development, and a brief overview of the golden child / black sheep scapegoat dynamic

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[GypsySoulSister]

My mother didn't teach me things, but she sure ridiculed me when I tried and was indifferent when I succeeded.

[etaokha]

A child's first bully is the parents. It starts from home

[dreamyk]

this is very true, my parents never taught me how to do laundry, drive a car, upkeep my appearance, cook... nothing. everything I know is on my own.

[ra]

It is so hard not to feel anger at these types of parents- they rob you of your life as much as any physical abuser...

[PassionateFlower]

When your narcissistic parents tell you they want you to be happy and successful but cruelly invalidate, gaslight, and blameshift everything your whole life leaving you a physically and emotionally crippled miserable failure then shame you for not having your life together while feeding off your soul that has come to depend on them through endless hours and years of grooming, conditioning, guilt trip infused methodical social isolation so that you can't ever leave them while acting like they don't want or need you around...

[BlackCoffeeee]

Omg. I could cry at the accuracy of this. 'Narc children are trained, not taught'. I always said my mother saw me as a dog, something to be trained and controlled. Envy and competition were huge. She also trained me to be an idiot. She would deliberately tell me the wrong thing and tell me to do the wrong thing. Then she would tell me I didn't hear her right when it failed and made me feel incompetent. It was deliberate, she actually wanted it to be like that. Sick.

[toughenupfluffy]

It's like a bird breeder that raises up birds, clips their wings, then expects them to fly.

[kosmicinclinations]

My parents forgot they would get old and need me later. Later is nearing and my mother is starting to understand lolz

[highplainsdrifter]

AS A 54 year old man I agree . The narc parents slowly psychologically destroy us, death by a thousand cuts .

[SummaGirl]

If I ever go to a therapist, and they ask me why I am seeking therapy, all I will have to do is show them this video. This pathology describes my parents exactly. I have always wondered why my parents, both highly-educated with advanced degrees, seemed to hate teaching me anything, belittled me for learning new skills, publicly ridiculed my musical talents, and resented my own academic achievements. My mother was a professional educator, who refused to actually educate me or answer any of my questions. My father insisted that I had "barely graduated from high school" even though I had actually graduated with high honors. They both treated my brother and me as mere possessions to be used for their own benefit. These behaviors had always mystified me. Now, at 52, when they are both dead, I finally understand. THANK YOU for this.

[isobel]

My mother won't engage in conversation about the past, she starts yelling and insulting me. My step-father says ' that never happened' and gets that hateful look. No contact is the only way for self-validation for me because they are soul destroyers. Thank you for this amazing vid, I needed to hear this. My heart goes out to everyone here who's gone through this.

[ashb]

Both my parents are narcissistic af. It sucks. The only thing these type of parents really “teach” you is how to stick to the script of the fake reality they build up around you. Everyone has a role in the narcissists’ play. When you act out of character, the gaslighting, blackmail, and emotionally erratic behavior ensues. They don’t teach you anything about how to be independent as an adult, then ridicule you for not knowing certain things. Were we just supposed to learn how to do our taxes, drive a car, have healthy relationships, understand mortgages, paying bills from a storybook?

[omarazami]

“If your parents don’t accept you then who else will?”……yup, have social hang ups to this day.

[jaushuagray]

Because they don't want their children to leave them. They want them to be under their thumbs for life. My mother tried this and as a result myself and siblings have removed ourselves from her life... Though none of us are doing that well as adults because we definitely were not taught anything.. the freedom from her is at least some peace.

[wrmlm]

I was taught nothing! Not even daily grooming! Which I learned from visiting friends' on overnight visits. I wasn't taught to clean a house. I was taught exactly what she needed me to know.

[theyrekrnations]

My parents taught me nothing of value and gave me nothing I wanted or needed. They sabotaged my life with humiliation and neglect. They stunted my potential and robbed me of relationship skills. At the same time they each lived their lives to the fullest. I must of been rotten in a previous life. I've paid my debt

[wg]

My mother was narcissistic and did turn me into a codependent. You are right about how narcissistic parents treat kids. My mother didn't want me to be able to stand up for myself. Raising me to feed into her personal disfunction also caused me to feed into the disfunction of every other A-hole out there. I was naive and backward. Had no ability to defend myself. I could go on and on. She was not self aware, had no concept of empathy. I became a phenomenal doormat She should never have been a mother.

[xMrjamjam]

Dont harbour anger for them as hard as it is, they want you to be angry so you think of them. Embrace the anger and give yourself the love and empathy you didnt receive from them.

Youll become a better version of yourself and youll never be so weak that youll need them in your life again

[Reevay]

My parents are jealous and can't take it because I am free, living on own, happy, love my freedom and meeting people I actually like. Despite suffering from chronic illness, I am grateful I get to work from home and do what I love. They are so upset and want to disturb that. Oh no they have no power over me 😊

[KathrineJKozachok]

This is depressing and true and, sadly, an accurate description of my childhood. This should be punishable by law.