how to make friends without being social (for uni)

#loneliness #makingfriends #bocchi

Socially akward and shy, but still longing for friendship? This video introduces some ways to make friends in university without forcing yourself to socialize or behave like an extroverted bubbly person. Some references to "Bocchi the Rock" are made.

Links:
"self-centredness is NOT "self-care": losing the human face online"
"TikTok "Self-Care" Trends Are Making Gen Z's Loneliness Epidemic Worse"

Reference to the book:
NHKスペシャル取材班, 無縁社会 (Disconnected Society) (文藝春秋, 2012), [page 3].

[Silversubs]

Me, an extrovert, studying introverts so i can make them feel comfortable and befriend them :🧐

[SuspiciousTemmie]

I learned pretty recently that being an introvert and being socially awkward are not the same thing - That what makes you an introvert or an extrovert is how much of a _desire_ you have to hang out with others, not how good you are it or how much you do it.
And it hit me pretty hard, cause that's when I realized... I'm not an introvert, I'm an extrovert that's socially awkward. I strongly _want_ to spend time with others, but I'm bad at finding people to do that with.

[Thesamegiftwrapper]

Being a socially anxious person, this is the tutorial i have been waiting for my entire life 💀💀

[cheebster]

You forgot how people our age want to feel entertained. I feel like if I haven't had any wild experiences or not known enough, they just purposely make the conversation dry to make me go away.

[_thiago_vieira_]

One thing to pay attetion is to have friends, but not too many friends. Friends usually use time, if you have many of them you can't just live your life. Invest time with some few people that you can have quality chats with is the best. I know it depends, there are people who likes use all their time with others and don't have plans for life, but I really recomend do it with moderation. The burnout of contact many persons is so stressful.

I recommend at least 2 friends. If you have one friend and he is a really good person you can be excessivaly attached, so is a good option have more than one friend to avoid dependence. It's important have a time just for you, a time without nothing, just what you like and your thoughts.

[azer]

i find it funny that this video got recommended to me now right after i soon finish with my degree. I didn't manage to make any friends during all these semesters at uni and every attempt didn't lead to anything.

[Nier_altruist]

God making socially awkward people in a species that is only able to live with social connections has got to be an unfunny joke

[blueberrydragon]

Your anti-procrastination video has helped me so much as a chronically ill and disabled autistic person. I always still managed to keep up and even excel, but it cost me my joy of living and made my health so much worse. Your video helped me solidify a new mindset of „you don‘t have to understand everything- you‘re not trying to best at uni, you‘re just trying to pass“. Thank you for that :)

[wakaa]

I pretend to be social and active, I make friends, I go thru a spiral, I ghost. That’s what usually happens for me

[notedcorpse]

i physically cant properly talk without stuttering or mumbling because i can barely speak my own language therefore i dont want to talk because i dont want to not make sense
but i think this video had some good ideas

Also i just dont understand other people emotionally or how they work
im so cooked

[ed_cmntonly]

as a boccher this hit me on another personal level 🙏

[allusionsxp]

I am a senior in college who is also an autistic introvert. COVID-19 really screwed me over and caused me to isolate. I am glad that you posted this so that younger people get the chance to do what I couldn't. I am trying to rebuild my self-esteem and form bonds with people. I am lucky to still have friends that I made in philosophy club but making new friends is more difficult as you get older.

Please please, if you are an introvert and have trouble making friends. College is such a good way to get that experience! Follow all this advice and do what I couldn't!

[luizalaureano]

There's a strategy I usually use, is to make compliments and questions, for example: ''Oh what a cute coat!'' or ''What is that book about?'' I also talk about my own experiences while making questions and etc. I also most likely choose people that are alone, because groups are way more difficult to talk with, because most of their conversations are more focus on one thing. Not just that, but when I start thinking I might be being incovenient for the other person, I like to make questions for myself, for example: Why would I bother someone? Saying ''hi'' to somebody is really that big of a deal that would end up bothering somebody? Would it really be my fault if I bothered somebody, just because I didnt know I was bothering?. And I mostly like to remember myself that, I dont need to be the best ever socializable person ever, reminding me of that, really helps me to calm down when I am about to talk to somebody. Glad I helped some of y'all

[ahyannaaaa]

Band is that shield for me. We run the yard at our university, but as a group we are isolated and really only interact with each other. Very Very Safe!

[Zyn]

On my first year of uni. I tried so hard to make friends. I tried to follow them, I tried to initiate a conversation but failed to hold it and I tried making friends in a random club. I gave up. Me here thinking that I would never get a single friend if I can't get one in the first 6 month. I found a club that suits me well. It is not active. Only like 5 people. Got a seat as the treasurer there and I started focusing on doing what I want in Uni rather then trying to make friends. Suddenly I'm being known to all my classes. My roommates and I all like memes (every year has 2 semester and each semester we change room. Each semester is about 6 month) so we get along well.

My life went great after that point. I don't struggle mentally about making friends. I now don't really care about being left out because I have more things to do and I have a friend to ask for help now.
Like the author? of the video said : Making friends is not a destination but a by product.

I'm just here to share my experience. I'm an introverts that wants friends but hate party and places where crowds gather

[wheelandaxle]

It makes me feel sad for the people who are too shy for making relationships, but I can't be friends of everyone and that is fine. I will give my advice and speech, if you want to read go ahead but if not you can leave.

"Trepidation doesn't stop death but it stops life."

I took this from a song (Full moon full life), and it tells very well about this talk. So the problem is that people are shy and meek throught their life. I can asume that it starts from humiliation to some extent. To understand how shyness and locate it's roots. We need to understand humiliation and being weird. The best example I can give is this hypotetical situation, so it first starts by something person "A" finds very passionate about, and decides to tell person "B", and person "A" might be explaining this subject, but person "B" for some reason whether it can be benevolent or not finds it weird or doesn't respond in the way person "A" might want, so what "A" does is hide that subject and avoid it since it is looked weird by "B" or other.

Now that you have the knowledge of the roots of shyness and self-isolation. My advice is that, no matter how weird you might look, if it isn't inheritaly bad or a very uncomfortable subject go ahead and be the boldest you can be, and don't mind what people can tell you. Many succeed by being bold, and if it doesn't work, at the end of the day we will all return back to where we started, and no one will care if you don't do it, and at the end no one will still care about how weird you were after your turn at life.

The world is a big place and we have so little time for doing things, so remember this phrase "carpe diem" meaning take advantage of the day, so use your time and recorses to make inpressive feats for you and explore the world.

But this video isn't about doing something, it is about how to get friends. The previous paragraphs were a way to make you understand things better. The advice from my view for making friend is, do not fret about having the perfect friends or being with someone who doesn't care about you. Focus on people who care about you, search for you and more.

Now knowing that, to make a new friend you don't need to be in a school club or a place as an excuse. Meet everyone you might find and interest, talk to them about what you like, listen to them and care for them as much as how they care for you. There is no wrong way to meet someone (apart from harrasing), if they are interested great, if not try again or go with someone else after concluding that they aren't talking. Remember how someone makes friends from a common ground, sharing interest, caring for another and being transparent.

Thank you for reading this essay, I am ever greatfull for those who like or benefit from this speech. I hope you have a great day and night.

[raspberrais]

this video has such great advice. it's so much easier to become friends with people when you have something you're already doing to talk about, or some kind of common topic to talk about like a class or a teacher. i've always struggled with keeping friends. i make friends, but then i never really touch up with them because i don't want to bother them, but this video reminded me friendship takes effort. thank you so much, really.

[Petabik]

It makes me really happy videos like this exist. I got aspergers and had basically no real life friends until late highschool, so stuff like this is something I've had to figure out on my own. It was painful as hell and I don't wish it upon anyone. And now I'm willingly going into college...

Thank you. Good luck in the future.

[ie]

Just finished my first semester of college and whew! I came in strong, willing to do whatever so that I could have friends and a social life unlike before but it was extremely challenging being that I started a semester later than my peers AND then I met problems down the line that just made my life so exhausting that I didn’t even feel like putting in these efforts to make friends. I too often struggle with talking due to feeling like I’m bothering people. These people made it evident that their lives were so much more busier than mines, so I was very weary and cautious to even try talking with them. I hope that’ll be over soon and that things will get better for us all, at least we’re trying!

[AveryVaria]

I heard a quote somewhere a while ago (sorry, I don't recall my source) that posited that the concept of "burden" is a flawed premise. Really, a burden is just something that weighs on someone's mind, good or bad. If someone thinks about you, you are a burden on them, regardless of whether that burden makes that feel frustration or relief and joy.