The Advantages of Being 'just Good Friends'

We're used to thinking of the state of friendship as hugely inferior compared with that of being in a relationship. But comparing how most people behave in a couple, compared with how they are in a friendship, should perhaps lead us to reconsider our choices.

FURTHER READING

“One of the most subtly hurtful and quietly damning of all remarks, perhaps quietly and sweetly delivered on the doorstep at the end of a long evening, with the taxi still hovering somewhere just out of sight, is the suggestion that we should in the end probably remain ‘just good friends’

We know exactly what to understand by this. The path towards a tender future is being gently but firmly closed off. We are, with a smile, being shunted into the category of the failed, the ignored and the lightly despised. The other must in some way have worked out the despicable truths about us – all the ones that we tried so hard to disguise and even to believe didn’t exist – and has logically decided to take their leave. We return crushed to an apartment which we had left with butterflies and elevated hopes only a few hours before…”

MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE

Watch more films on RELATIONSHIPS in our playlist:

SOCIAL MEDIA

Feel free to follow us at the links below:

CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Nick Hilditch

[eneveasi]

Platonic friendships have literally transformed how I view love. Letting go of the desire for sexual intimacy has brought me to see just how truly I love and am loved, completely and fully. You don't need sex for love. Just enjoy the being with a person, care for them, share compassion and invest in each other's well beings no matter what and you will see what true love can be. And you will find yourself in the Best relationships of your life, and who knows it may lead to a far more harmonious and caring intimate partner.

[sonninblaning]

True Friendships could simply be one of the most wholesome things that make life worth living

[MatthewVanAtta]

Being alone but not lonely is a wonderful place to be!! :-)

[mrflibble]

I recently met a girl and we really seemed to hit it off. It's safe to say I developed a crush on her but over time it became apparent that she wasn't interested in a relationship with me, or anyone else for that matter. I was pretty depressed about it for some time and I even stopped talking to her for a bit. Then I realised, what's the point? If we can't be lovers, why is being friends so much of a step down? I actually feel a lot better around her now, my only motive to be a friend not a lover. This video couldn't have come at a better time.

[MicahBuzanANIMATION]

"Couldn't we just be lovers?" is already the culture of dating apps.

[RoxyAKADrakesWife]

Part of the issue is that we put friendship on a pedestal and force ourselves to stay friends in situations where we would be better off taking a break. If you have strong feelings for a friend and they turn you down, you need to take time away from the friendship. You're not a bad guy for ending a friendship in which romantic feelings aren't reciprocated.

[gabania]

To the ones who've missed the point: Friendship is more valuable than, not love, but "romantic" love.

[Milkyboy]

Except a lot of the time "let's just be friends" is just a polite way of saying "I don't see you that way and now it's gonna be awkward between us so please don't speak to me ever again".

[fadifadi]

it's not the "love" lost that makes friendzoning terrible, it's the opportunity of intimacy that is thrown out. That alone makes one feel rejected and unwanted.

[ecrtzpb]

I'm over 60 years old and the school of life is helping me finally come to realistic terms with my relationships. Thank you

[melkerart]

Having friends of both sexes is just as vital as having a relationship.

[KericthePally]

Moral of the story is that if you know your own worth and stop allowing other people's opinions to form the basis of your value as a human being then a rejection becomes what it is - another human being trying to gently tell you that you're not what they're looking for. There really is no reason to feel bad about it, we have all rejected someone before and none of us mean it to cause pain.

[AfterschoolPsychology]

Being friendzoned by an ex is worse. You cling on to old memories when her love was still yours, Knowing that you are no longer the object of her desire, that she has buried you in the graveyard of dreams once she shared with you

[shavooo]

Social Media keeps pushing the idea, that being in a relationship is the ultimate goal to true happiness. Yet I'm most aware of my own existence and get my most fruitful ideas and thoughts, when I'm by myself. There are far more interesting things out there, which yet need to be discovered and experienced, so why wasting your time in a failed marriage?

[GreeceKelly]

We should adopt more aspects of friendships into relationships that's for sure! Why have huge expectations from a partner? Just explain what is bothering you and actually listen to what they have to say, as you would with a friend.

[Elizabeth-yfdp]

This was exactly the video I was looking for. I’ve always been upset when I have friends who become so infatuated with their lover they forget about their friends, the people who care about them most. It’s so strange how a person can rise to such importance once the label “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” is used. In my opinion, having many people around you who love and support you, who make you feel happy, is better than one person who you love so much that it causes you pain.

[licas]

I was rejected by my friend, he said that " I don't like you like that, can we just be friends like before?"
Surprise surprise, we still friends four years after that rejection, and sometimes i think back about what happened that day and glad, I accept his rejection and still be friend

[marcemerson]

The best friendships are often destroyed when one of the friends falls in love. All that history goes down the drain and the other friend is out in the cold.

[YukiKunikida]

I needed this. I was in a relationship and we broke up two weeks ago. I was devastated (still am a little) but now I realized that I'd blame him for my irritation and sadness. Truth is, my depression is something I MUST eradicate before being involved in romance with someone. And for this, I have to be surrounded by the good friends. :))

[meettheartist]

I was looking for this statement to be said by somebody having a mass following. Thank you for putting it out in world <3
*_"Paradoxically, it is the friendship that offers us the real route to the pleasures that Romanticism associates with love."_*