Obsessing over, “Why don’t they want me?”

They wanted you (or so it seemed). What happened? The loop of obsession over this question can feel like a downward spiral.

The Dating Games Guide: You know you're being played, but what's the game?
And what's your countermove?

The Older Women | Younger Men Dating Guide:
Dating a younger man and wondering if it will last?
Attracted to an older woman and not sure how to make your move?

Rough breakup?
Check out: Breakup Triage; The Cure for Heartache

Wondering how to benefit from life's challenges?
Allowing Magnificence; Living the Expanded Version of Your Life

[YunKwokLeung]

I guess the reason why we would often have this kind of obsession over an unattainable person is because they once made you feel as if you were so close to them before they decided to pull away from you and it made you feel as though this relationship might still work out if we had done something on our part, forgetting that in reality any relationship only works when both parties are present and have the same goals or want the same thing.

[runningwithscissors]

If these low vibe people think you are too much, let them settle for less. If you were good to them and they completely disrespected you and made you feel like you were nothing, know that you are probably too good for them. Pick yourself up and focus on you and your self growth. You will eventually look back on these people and see how much better off you are without them. Let them sit in their mess while you expand beyond what you thought possible.

[MrDrslump]

If I ever get the love of my life in the future, I will come back to share it with all of you, because right now I’m going through hell.

[Seattlegal]

I stopped obsessing the minute I realized that obsessing had nothing to do with them but it was looking for a way to blame myself. I refuse to blame myself for anything I cannot control. Thank you for a wonderful vides. ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

[Ckyt]

Why, why why. I had FINALLY found a guy that wanted a serious relationship and everything was so good, the first month, good chemistry, attraction... And I thought, well, this is my last try, it was too good to be true, "What's the catch", I asked him. "There's no catch". "Is your heart open for me?" -"Absolutely". After a month he showed his true colors: turned out he was a dismissive avoidant. He didn't want intimacy, love, affection. I gave too much, I cared too much. I wanted him to see me. I was too much for him. He found excuses to pull away and break up. And of course, dissapear...

[coolqh]

I mean, you can understand with your head but your heart is a different matter.

[carter]

I'm obsessing over someone who told me that they can't give me what I want. I don't know why I can't get over them and the imagined life that I thought we could potentially have. But I also know that if my friend was in my situation then I'd tell them to not waste their time in someone who isn't invested in them and to move on! Your videos are so helpful!

[craigjeffries]

I love how the content of this channel challenges us to take the control back in our lives because we can't control another person's feelings, responses, getting closure from them, etc. After having subscribed to this channel for over a year, I feel more empowered than I ever have. Thank you, Susan. ❤️💙

[LharaBarnig]

I used to blame myself if someone I love doesn't love me back but after watching your videos for a while, I realized it isn't my fault. It is now my biggest turn off when someone I like doesn't like me back. Thank you, Susan. ❤️

[sarafonfria]

I guess we want unattainable people because it's the closest we are to "having" what we want, which underneath it all is just to love and be loved, having a partner, a love story, a life project with someone... It's not about the person themselves, it´s about what being with someone happily brings to our life. It's hard navigating the uneasiness of not having that at the moment, and the discomfort it brings.... plus the idea of "what if I never find anyone"?. So we fill our heads with someone, even if that someone is the absolute worst person to fulfill said needs. I see it almost as a survival mechanism to keep us going, until we finally find what we want and the neurosis is over... The best thing that can happen to us is for said people to never want to be with us, because if they would, that would most certainly be a real tragedy

[Pacifica]

Because you've chosen them. You decided "this is the one for me." They just need to choose you back. It's like you're half-way there!

[maceyr.]

I'm already tired waiting for someone to love me back. My heart is so tired right now. 😔

I don't deserve this.

[morpheus]

Quit chasing your DA ex, it is just not worth chasing these types of people. I like Susan’s analogy, don’t keep putting more money in the pot thinking things will get better, they won’t. If your ex doesn’t realize your value find someone who does. Find someone that values you and do not chase your ex who doesn’t care about everything you did for them. Stay strong everyone!

[oussamayassine]

It's not a question of why they don't want me .is more like a fear of not finding someone like them .but we forget that we could do even better 🙂

[Imiolz]

Currently going through this and I’ve never felt this weak in my whole life. I feel like they strung me along. I’m struggling so much. I already know all that you said and I think well of myself but this hurts. It’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. The worst part is that I see this person everyday. I’m so emotionally drained 😊

[louisaklimentos]

You know how to make a person feel better . I had this problem when I was single but unfortunately I didn’t have enough self worth and married an abusive husband . So please young ladies listen to Susan Winters. I always wondered why someone wouldn’t date me or commit to me . I thought it was because I was a plain Jane and when I met my husband, I was so happy that I finally was in a committed relationship .I failed to see the red flags due to my low self esteem and self worth. Thirty years later, I am struggling to get out of my marriage . So please, if someone doesn’t want to commit to you, just let that person go and don’t rush into marrying someone unless that person treats you with respect . Susan Winters, you are a gem .

[scottkingston]

Very timely video for me. It almost felt like you were speaking directly to my situation. Thank you, Susan.

[Heldin]

I cried so much when you asked why do I need a person who doesn’t want me

[dreamergirl]

Exactly this is what m going through right now.. I ve tried my best... It's painful to knw that they don't care .. Now m ready to move on

[philipc]

Great advice. I'm slowly starting to get out of the "why don't they want me" mindset. And this can also apply to all parts of life. Job, friends, family.