When anxious dumps avoidant

#avoidant #breakup #dismissiveavoidant #heartbroken #attachment #avoidantattachment #emotionallyunavailable #relationship #dating #relationshipcoach #anxiousattachment #divorce #fearfulavoidant #fearfulavoidantattachment #insecureattachment #attachmentstyle

[akarshadithya]

the amount of disrespect and damage avoidants do is downright evil

[justpassingthrough]

I wasnt anxious until I had an 18 month relationship with an Avoidant. I was kind, thoughtful and generous to her. I always paid the restaurant bills. I bought her clothing, perfume, jewelry and entertainment tickets. I taught her to surf, boogie board, and surf fish. (Things she'd never done.) I always commented on her beauty i.e., "You're the most beautiful woman in the world." I'm retired but always made sure I had meals prepared for her after her work. She slowly changed and began to nit-pick and say hurtful things to me. I noticed her intentionally distancing herself from me. She began filling up her schedule on weekends and made sure to tell me she was going to be busy before I had the chance to make plans. She spoke of her future life and it didn't include me. She used words like I, Me and Mine not We, Us or Ours. The final act came when I was away visiting my parents in another state. I let her stay rent free in my condo for 2 months. During our last phone call, I told her I decided to come home early because I missed her. She seemed flustered at this unexpected change and not at all excited to see me. I asked her if she could text me during her 8 hour workday. (She began not contacting all day and usually gave me a goodnight text). She responded, "I'll never be able to make you happy." Something inside of me changed at that moment. I told her "It's over." I told her I wanted her to move out by the time I returned home. She did. That was 11 days ago. I blocked her phone number. My friends, dont expect them to change. If you suspect your partner is Avoidant, dont waste any more of your life trying to fix them. Have some self respect. You owe it to yourself.

[LMangj]

As an anxious, leaving my avoidant boyfriend is something I am very proud of ❤

[karmakimdaisy]

The avoidant indirectly ends it. Anxious, disorganized or secure usually put into the position and have no choice

[asiah]

This is so true! I ended our relationship less than a year of being married. Previously the avoidant would always end the relationship and then come back to rekindle later. Constantly hearing “divorce” in our marriage made me realize that I didn’t want to be with someone who can threaten and retreat their love when things hard. I now realize I was only anxious with this partner. Now, I’m very secure with my new dating partners.

[JustTasha]

I finally called it OVER! I studied narcissism but not AVOIDANT. You have educated me. It’s been awful. Dealing w/ him and his never ending ex or whatever you want to call her

[terasamcgilvray]

I have been with my husband for almost 30 years, accepting breadcrumbs always trying to anticipate and meet his every need so he would be happy. I raised our three boys alone and created a million excuses of why he couldn’t be there for us. I never even heard of attachment theory and now know we have been doing the anxious/avoidant dance for decades. I thought I was too much, even though all I ever wanted was consistent affection and acknowledgement. I’m leaving now and feel so guilty as he is struggling and can’t help but want to continue to fill all the gaps for him. Thank you for the video. Nail on the head!

[carrieh]

Hey, friends, I am a healed anxious person. The thing you need to do my sisters and brothers is love yourself more. Love yourself hard. It truly is their loss. Heal yourself. You cannot control what anyone else does. You can only control yourself. What kind of life do you want? It’s time to find out. Be proud of yourself for loving yourself first. That is the secret sauce to life. Loving yourself first. Those who align with your own self worth and value will find you. What is most important is just because your value scares someone away, doesn’t mean you dim your shine. Use it to GLOW BRIGHTER ❤❤❤

[johannees]

Did this for three months, reached my tipping point and just disappeared without any explanation. I apologize to myself for keeping this craziness for 3 long months. I felt like a truck ran over me. I don’t know how people do this for yearrrss 💔

[katieraehiphiphooray]

I love this. I’m anxious. But I’m healing. Anxious ppl build your boundaries!! Don’t let these time wasters get you. You will end up feeling lonely even if you keep them.

[HoroHigh]

You have 💯 nailed this, after 9 years I hit my breaking point and had to end it for my own sanity. Still somehow I feel guilt, shame, and the overwhelming feeling that I failed the relationship. It is really brutal to endure the emotional warfare of being with an avoidant.

[henpus]

I am an anxious. I have told him many times and clearly about what I need in our relationship. I need communication, consistency and trust. ALL his words never aligne with actions. I feel tired in mentally and impact to others area in my life. Now I am doing No Contact phase. Suddenly I found this channel and learn a lot about attachment theory. And what I feel already described by You, couch. I want to say thank you. I will stand with full awareness to guard and love myself more and more. Let the my ex avoidant happy with himself. I am happy enough now and I know the answer now, what is the high wall that separate between me and him. Actually he made me easy to leave him without any hesitation. I choose myself and love myself. ❤

[Snuffymcgee]

Formerly anxious guy here. I was married to an avoidant/narcissist for 25 years, then post-divorce had a multi year relationship with a borderline woman, followed by a couple shorter relationships to avoidant women.

I am now with a former anxious turned emotionally secure woman.

These all amounted to interesting learning and growing experiences for me as I was evolving from anxious to emotionally secure. She can tell a similar tale.

2 emotionally secure people in a relationship. That is the best place to be I’ve concluded.
We just hit 1 year together. Let’s hope this is forever!

[mgn]

The avoidant doesn’t end the relationship……they just ghost or stonewall you…..permanently.

[First_Jenny]

Having a ghost girlfriend is not for me. Hot and cold behavior, not for me. Canceling plans last minute, not for me. Not responding to my messages, not for me. No amount of patience and understanding was ever enough. I hope she finds healing and learns how to take down the barriers around her heart and let love in

[pokawolf]

Exactly this happened to me.
I had it leave. I could either be lonely in a relationship or actually lonely on my own.
I gave my whole heart to this woman.
Moved countries.
And ended up being neglected, ignored and discarded.
The lack of accountability really wounded me as it invalidated my emotions, feelings and the emotional abuse I had undergone.
I still feel responsible, as if I should have known better

[ianbooth]

I have anxious attachment and ADHD and ended it with my girlfriend a month ago. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
I’m going through cancer for the 2nd time in two years and I have never been so frightened. She didn’t want to know. I could never have an open conversation with her about how I was feeling.
She pulled further and further away. I got massively depressed and she pulled away even more.
When I started on antidepressants they gave me such clarity. I could see her actions (or lack of) clearly. I tried reaching out again and was dismissed.
I knew it was time to go 😭 I loved her much.

[ikeerc]

in tears, went through this as the anxious and it was hell on earth

[catharinamariatheresia]

This is so beautiful, that I watched it twice. You are right, I am securely attached. I had no issues walking away. Yes, it hurted. But I saw his avoidant attachment style very early on, in the first weeks. After two months, I noticed that I started to change. Try harder. Love more. And I realised how unhealthy this was. I let the avoidant go, with sincere love in my heart. I deserve better. But so does he. Maybe one day he can heal his wounds and finds a lovely partner. I am grateful being single and sure that I will met a person one day, whom is also securely attached and ready for commitment.

[kimasp]

I'm the Anxious one, my partner was the Avoidant. I love this man to no end and he knows it. Despite what he believes he truly is a wonderful human being but he has emotionally drained me so after 5 years of playing the revolving door games, I called it quits. I really thought it was going to "kill" me doing it, but here we are. When you tell someone you deserve better and they agree with you, that's your first clue.