The BIG SIGNS You’re Dealing With A Narcissist & How To SET BOUNDARIES! | Dr. Ramani

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On Today's Episode:

The term narcissist gets thrown around a lot to the misfortune of people who are not actually narcissistic. Toxicity, emotional, mental, and verbal abuse are clear common markers of narcissistic behavior. Hopefully, you’re not in a relationship with a narcissistic person, but perhaps you’ve recently left a toxic situation and still feel lost, confused and uncertain how to handle the narcissist in your life.

Dr. Ramani doesn’t mince words when it comes to dealing with narcissists. The depth of knowledge she has from working with victims of narcissism is mind-blowing. In this episode we’ve packed some of the best advice Dr. Ramani has shared with Lisa on Women of Impact so you can take notes and the cycle of abuse and start healing.

If you’ve managed to avoid relationships with narcissists to this point, we’re cheering for you. We want you to be safe and be aware of the red fags many people miss until it’s too far gone.

SHOW NOTES:

0:00 | Introduction to Dr. Ramani
0:09 | Look for These Red Flags
26:02 | They Weaponize Vulnerabilities
47:48 | 6 Types of Narcissists
1:04:44 | Red Flags in Conversation
1:15:15 | How to Heal & Detox
1:37:06 | Break the Trauma Bond
1:52:15 | How to Leave a Narcissist

QUOTES:

“Once you’ve communicated something about three times, and it has been dishonored, devalued, not listened to, or validated, that’s it! You're done…” [3:29]

“Charisma is a tricky pattern, because we always assume, that it's a good thing and I think people have to be discerning about charisma.” [15:12]

“We're literally more protective of the password we have for some game on our computer, then we are with the most sacred parts of our psyche.” [27:02]

“There's a short list of reasons people stay in their relationships, hope, fear, guilt, and lack of information.” [40:48]

“Secure, people don't lash out at other people, [...] they know they're not always going to get it right. They're not always trying to overcompensate, they apologize when they are wrong.” [52:18]

“this is it. This is who this person is. You stay. And this is how it is” [1:04:40]

“It's not just about the trust of the other. It's about that you have the right to set a boundary. And that's about trusting yourself. “ [1:36:30]

“The primary motivations of these difficult relationships are that the narcissistic or difficult person wants power. They want control. They want everything for their own pleasure, their own needs.” [1:51:19]

“There’s no such thing as failing at healing. If you’re getting out of bed in the morning, even if you’re slow and even if it’s later than you want, you’re healing because you had the courage to face down another day.” [1:54:03]

Follow Dr. Ramani:

[LisaBilyeu]

Have you had run in with narcissists in your life? How did you handle them?

[OccupationalThpy]

Favorite quote: “Don’t serve up your pain to someone who is going to melt it into bullets” -Dr. Ramani.

[annaire]

She’s so right. Don’t ever cry in front of a narcissist. Ever! They will feel empowered by that. Remember narcissists don’t process emotions the same as normal people do.

[BobTheSchipperke]

“Narcissists don’t pause, they reload.” Good quote Dr Ramani. This is absolutely true. Going no contact has been heaven.

[Tarsarian]

We need these subjects taught in High School and College. To many people are getting attacked by Narc's and develop mental issues. If people had the knowledge before hand, then they can keep those walls up.

[hollylynn]

“They know what they are doing.. it’s a very ‘functional’ dysfunctional kind of disorder.” This was absolute gold - so true.

[ketoauntie]

This quote @17:13 from her, very powerful: “A narcissist is like a 6-month old baby, throws their tantrum, and still wants people to snuggle them afterwards”.

[Canaday]

“Charisma is like heavy perfume covering up when you didn’t shower “ described the malignant narcissist I divorced.
A wolf in sheep’s clothing
To exist around him the victim has to get used to fawning, suppressing your true self, feelings and emotions.
giving in, forgiving, forgetting all of his abuse, being submissive and subservient to only his wants and needs

[intuitive_duck]

“You’re disrespecting yourself by staying in this conversation.” So true. ❤️

[cjk]

Benefit of the doubt can be very dangerous if you're not careful.

[intheknow]

I didn’t know I was actually with a narcissistic man until I moved in with him. It was a freaking nightmare, he was always blowing up over the smallest things…like a human tornado. Always blaming me for everything, never taking accountability for anything, cursing me out when things didn’t go his way and minutes later act as though nothing ever happened, never would apologize, every time I would try to talk to him about how his behavior was affecting me he wouldn’t listen. He once told me that my crying when I was upset was a form of disrespect towards him. This man was so evil, I always wondered why most of his family had shut him out…so now I know. I’m a empath and it literally took God to get me away from this man. He put people in my path that helped me to move out of this mans house. I thank God every single day for saving me from this man. Thankfully I only lived with him for 6 months, but that’s 6 months of my life I lost dealing with this man. He said he loved me but I know what real love looks like and feels like and his love was toxic. I’m in counseling to help me heal from this soul destroying and always angry person.

[The_Crusty_Old_Hag_Next_Door]

Don’t bother putting work into setting boundaries with a narcissist RUN A MILE!

[treasurerox]

Four years after my one and a half year relationship with a narcissist and I'm still validating myself and my experience by watching these videos and reading books and articles. Sometimes I feel like a paranoid drama queen but then I remember how terrible I felt during that time and how no one knew what I was going through but me, I was the only one who could validate what I went through and get me out of the situation. Not having anyone to talk to about it really had an impact on me though, and I think all of this research into the topic helps me process things out loud and with people who had similar experiences.

[uknpdsurvivor]

"Don't share your wins, your losses or vulnerabilities"
So accurate. Also her comments on how vindictive they will be if you leave. I wish I knew this. The divorce was awful and has taken over 3 years to recover from.

[rossferguson]

“ Feels better to be alone than with someone and feel alone.” WOW! This is one of the most powerful statements I’ve ever heard ! Thank you

[vladynick]

That concept of staying involved and being played by a narcissist because we "pity" them is so profound and just answered a pressing question that I'm having in trying to break away from a narcissist that I'm in reality pitying! Thank you.

[jackieanderson]

Never ever heard the word sorry in the 35 years with mine. Life is amazing now without him.

[oleoleo]

The thing about shutting off empathy, and using pure logic when dealing with a Narc, is not about being cold hearted. It's because you can't trust your feelings, after narc abuse.

[bam]

I use to always give people the benefit of the doubt until I learned what narcissim was. I used to always try and see the good in people. I am so glad my eyes have been opened through the help of Dr. Ramani and others on YouTube. Thank you as always for your wonderful work!!!

[cindy]

2007 my therapist said write “the reasons I needed to leave. So valuable to pull out once in a while for years. As no contact continued, there was amnesia to the unhealthy abusive behaviors. When that abuser bond crept in. The list was life saving.