Techniques for Talking to Strangers

Connected communities are critical to the health of individuals and societies. Yet, even in New York City, which is crowded with over 8 million people, making new connections isn’t always easy. In this episode of If Our Bodies Could Talk, senior editor James Hamblin seeks wisdom from Kio Stark, author of When Strangers Meet. Hamblin attempts to implement her advice in Brooklyn’s Prospect Park.

[Zeyev]

A friend asked me how I find out that so many people I encounter have something in common with me. I responded that I first say "hello" and then other things come out. It is amazing. Thanks for the confirmation that I'm doing something right for once.

[CantThinkofaCoolOne]

Americans are great for random chats with strangers. I saw it and experienced it myself on all my visits to your great country, and New York people did it best. It inspired me to do it more in my own life.

[IINabz]

The only reason I watch these is because I think he's got the best fucking sense of humour ever.

[kkgt]

Me : Hello
Stranger : You gotta dolla

[garyhorsman]

(Love you, James!)

I believe picking up conversations with people you don’t know has so many more benefits than downsides.

A big part of being comfortable speaking to people, especially ones you don’t really know, is feeling comfortable in your own skin. If you like yourself and have self-confidence, that goes a long way in being able to reach out to others. Plus, when others see your comfort level, they become more open.

And there is a feedback loop that the more people you speak to, the easier it gets.

Besides, you’ll likely discover that the vast majority of people are fairly decent and are willing to interact. Yes, you will run into people who are socially awkward, just want to be left alone or need privacy or maybe they’re just having a bad day. You can just pick up on those social cues and let them be. You’ll learn it’s not personal.

I used to mumble quite a bit, either out of laziness or reluctance to engage. But now I speak in a clear tone with enthusiasm and I notice people react much more positively than when I used to speak low. (Mind you, not everyone, but then they might be tired or grumpy, nothing to do with you.)

What a difference it makes in your whole outlook to engage with the world instead of staring at a screen.

[alenatorres]

This is so true! When my husband and I travel we sometimes try to start convos with others and I always end up feeling like they think we're trying to pick them up.

[daisydrawsstuff]

My immediate thoughts seeing this guy saying hello to everyone in a smart suit and tie is that people will definitely mistake him for a religious missionary trying to preach

[bassemb]

The presence of the camera and mic changes the dynamic, sadly.

[PPandaPete]

That guitar guy probably never went out with his guitar again.

[arlingtonguy]

Strangers that talk to me are exactly the kind of people that I don’t want to talk to

[thorstensou]

Civil inattention is one reason I prefer cities to villages. It doesn't make me feel lonely, it rather makes me feel secure.

[LambentIchor]

This is a like a lesson in how to become Irish. We have a kind of a meme about how every little country road in Ireland has that one old guy who waves and says hello to everyone.

I live in London now and after 30 years I still will just talk to strangers. While some people are startled a little, often because the only time people will try speak to them is to hit them up for spare change, they will relax and talk once they don't see you as having ulterior motives.
I remember once a woman I started chatting to at a bus stop said to me that when at first I started talking to her she was going to get up and walk away; but then she caught my accent, and realising I was Irish it put her at her ease. It made me laugh, and I realised that people are probably used to us being this way.

[sbush]

Thankful to live where I live.... normal to speak to everyone AND engage with strangers!!

[wearealljustclowns]

cities need to make friend benches. so people who are willing or want..know exactly where to go to meet. and help each other..maybe save lives.

[andreashoppe]

It was so easy to chat with strangers in NYC. Even if it's just small talk… I find it a lot harder in Europe for some reason and I don't know why.

[doyouevenreadbro]

I always say, “hey what’s up? I’m trying to use dating apps left, on the count of three let’s both swipe with our hands whether we should continue this interaction.”

[Amurphybartlett]

"You just want me to say 'hi' to people?.. They're going to think I'm a weirdo..." lol yup that pretty much sums it up

[LonelyCinderella]

If he said hi to me in the middle of a park I would say hi back and then go behind the bushes all surprised he didn't follow me.

[TheLuismaBeaTle]

In my country you say goodbye to people as you pass on the street

[julieholland]

Omg. I'm from MN and talk to random people all the time. It's so much easier to be that way with people.
It's not unusual to have people say, it was really nice to meet you and it was so good talking to you!
But in this video, where you're in some odd proximity to them, like the guy playing music. It would seem too intentional and contrived. (He clearly meant to be off the beaten path by himself as opposed to playing while sitting on the park bench) You may be the one person in someone's day to make it or break it. So make it!