BPD Favorite Person | Codependency

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Are you the "favorite person" of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder? The relational dynamics of this are not healthy. You can't win. You will inevitably be devalued at some point. Being the BPD's favorite person is self-abandonment and codependent. BPD Favorite person origin with those with BPD.

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#exofbpd
#ajmahari

[rw]

Brava A.J.!!!!
As a former 'FP" you nailed the issue. Doesn't matter if you gave them your left kidney yesterday BPD will still split on you.
Upon reflection, I thought it was my JOB to take on BPDs and not look after my self. I am revulsed now.

[brianbarnard]

I was told " In a short time you have become my world my everything I love you". With that came other red flags that I chose to ignore. I had never heard of bpd back then. We were together for one and a half years she left 6 months ago and sometimes I still feel very confused.

[roosarobin]

To answer your question: yes some times I felt like an object... Sometimes she would not answer my questions but start baby-talking to me(you know how people talk to adorable babies). I broke no contact last week. Bdp ex gf texted saying she is the one traumatized about our relationship because I let her know her faults and was a bit verbally mean and demanded I'd admit mine. Talked on the phone. She told me she is PREGANT to her new BF. I ALREADY guessed it. I'm not bitter but last weeks I have missed her again. She said she isn't really happy with her situation but doesn't miss our thing. No surprise. She just changed her favorite person. I am envious because I did so much good to her which she has acknowledged and thanked me for but I wanted the family. I felt special. But I have a son from previous marriage and that has taken a more important role in my life right now. That has helped me focusing and surprisingly get rid of my cognitive dissonance somewhat

[Happy-Me.]

Yes I was a FP to a High Functioning quiet borderline. You can never live up to expectations. So much including trust is asked of you. I became her world and reminded her of her father! Too much, just too much! It can only end badly and it did!!

[TheMrQuino]

In a vicious way, "I'm yours" its was she used to tell right at the beginning.She is not mine anymore for sure after she discarded me and after a long devaluation process.
I wonder if they remember what they used to say and feel during honeymoon phase when the relation is over ?
From hero to zero in 3 months.

[nameunknown]

So when I started dating my ex I had no idea what BPD was, even after she told me she had it I didn't really understand. She would refer to me as "her favorite" and would randomly tell me stuff like "you're still favorite". Or she would say "you're my person". I don't think she ever said "favorite person" though. To me, it seemed like it was just a term of endearment you know? Like a pet name or something like that.

During the devaluation stage this stopped and not knowing the significance of the "favorite person" dynamic, I was hurt by not being referred to as her "favorite" anymore.

All of this has been super scary for me because so many things that seemed so innocuous in the beginning were actually obvious red flags that I just had no idea to be aware of.

[jasonfawley]

I used to be her boyfriend. She was gay before me. She Love bombed me.. Cut me off sexually through the years (7yr relationship). Now completely.... I think I am now her "favorite person'. By some of the things she's says. I believe she see's me as a parent now. I'm Trying so hard to get away from her!!! Everyday its an emotional toilet bowl in my head! Ugh.

A.J. I want to tell you that your content Is SO valuable to me!!!! It has helped me understand my relationship with her and the reasons why I haven't left yet.

I appreciate you A.J.!!!

[jassminyoung]

I really appreciate this explanation. I lack object permanence and seem to almost drop the connection if its been neglected long enough. I cant recall it, cant hold it in my mind...its like they just disappear forever behind hands that never stop playing peekaboo. Such a cruel experience.

[StylezMajorMusic]

Yeah I remember when I became the FP, she goes you know what zarak you're my person. Its crazy at the time I was happy she said that. She also had FP best friend, but she would be in war with constantly either loved or hater her, she had the same with her mom they were always at each other's throats. Even her 4-year-old daughter I saw her be a sweet loving mom, then go to a cold abusive disconnect mom it was so sad to see the heartbreak in the kid's eyes, I couldn't even help the kid because she wanted her mom. Thas when I decided I would never have a family with her.

This disorder is freaking crazy, but my grandmother had it so It was so familiar to me, my grandmother never got help either. I saw her be mentally ill until her death.

[THIS---GUY]

My fp has always been a olatanic friend for the most part. When my romantic partner has been a fp it's changed to a platonic friend before the relationship ended. My last relationship my bpd gf was my fp left me with a long devaluation period and discarded but has stayed intentions of hovering... I'm so exhausted and depressed

[greggscott]

Hello I was with a my wife for 18 years last year she was diagnosed with BPD which has caused so much trouble in our marriage and the children and has me alienated away from everybody now with her in the control and if I she used to call me 15 times a day to find out where I was what I was doing and that annoy the hell out of me and not understanding what was really going on until last year I finally got us in the counseling where the cancer diagnosed as having that when you’re later she started having an affair with the counselor at her work

[lisalighty]

I was just going to ask can the favorite person be the spouse, like makes you obligated to play this role.

[heathermclaughlin]

I'm my group of friends that are also carers we say it's like being "IT" in a game of tag. As you say the favourite person changes depending over time on the dependence of the person with bpd. Also I think it's not just people with bpd who are so dependant this way. There's so many other illnesses physically and mentally where the person becomes so dependant on one person . As usual you're spot on A.J. xx

[sgleason]

Hi AJ really been struggling lately. Crazy life i have. Am i gonna be alone forever??

[cloversail]

Hi AJ. I refer to someone as my “favorite person”. He is a narc. Well, about a month later, he starts telling me about an ex who is his “favorite person”. I flipped out. We got into a huge fight. I nearly walked out on him but didn’t of course. But anyway, my question is: Do narcs have “favorite people”? Or was this narc being cruel to me? Maybe he was triangulating? I don’t know, I feel like he was idealizing her in that moment which is odd because we were being intimate. Maybe he was mirroring my language ? But it was so cruel. It hurt me to hear that from him. Do narcs have favorite people?