DBT - My 'Favorite Person'

A lot of people with borderline personality disorder find themselves involved in an intense idealized relationship with a "favorite person" (FP). In this video, Dr. May thoroughly describes the dynamics of a FP relationship and how you can move toward creating more healthy connections.

**This channel contains videos of ALL the Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills, Radically Open DBT skills, and much more! Check out the new series on Sensorimotor Psychotherapy (*designed to help with attachment problems!), which is currently being recorded. For updates and easy access to content, feel free to SUBSCRIBE.

[Incandescence]

Anyone else re-read conversations on social media/phone with their favourite person? Going over and over the text to relive that kinda sense of warmth or happiness. Sad but just being open. God bless you all.

[kathrynjaneway._]

Okay you just described me. I’m concerned now. Especially the re-living positive interactions, copying their personality, and having fake conversations with them

[alexandracowley]

I feel like my favourite person relationships are almost entirely in my imagination. This includes constant commentary to them throughout the day, imaginary conversations and scenarios where they 'rescue me'. I am very aware of what the person means to me which is why I avoid in person interactions as much as possible. Anyone else experience it like this? I have already tried to reduce intensity as much as possible so it seems I'll be focusing on letting go of the fantasy and getting a life lol. But thank you very much for the moving forward tips- this is the most helpful video I have seen on FP so far!

[huma]

this video is such an eye opener. i was diagnosed with BPD a few years ago before that i was obsessed with this classmate of mine. never knew why that relationship ruined me until now.... holy shit

[sunflowers]

i've suffered from this. i'm relieved to hear that i'm not alone, that this is a thing. because i felt so much shame because of it for years. if only this dynamic was as well known as the topic of narcissism!

[AlexA-nnhq]

One thing that helped reduce the intensity was having a regular predictable weekly meeting time and no or limited contact in between. Unfortunately my FP is no longer able to offer that, but it worked well for a long time and might be worth trying.

[StrangeOccultist]

I’m scared to trust therapists enough to open up to them. This has made me feel so validated and heard thank you so much.

[Vladimyrful]

The "Fear of Separation, Rejection, & Abandonment" section sounded like it was written while observing me. I knew EXACTLY what Dr. Jennifer was talking about on each and every point.

I would love it if someone could point me in the direction of some resources that could help me learn how to combat these tendencies and what to replace them with.

[ShieldMaiden]

I've only learned about BPD and FP in the last few months and it's been helpful because I use social media now to have a few FPs but to bounce between them to avoid full long term obsession. However, I find that in real life I self isolate to avoid driving people off with the FP obsession or intensity of BPD & an FP. It has felt very lonely

[tinayalatorres]

This is one of the best videos about FP. I’m a men and I have BPD. All you said is real and scary. We need more content about how to deal with our insecurities 🙏

[gemmaknowles]

This is the best video on the 'favorite person' i have seen. You explain it so well. I believe that this will help many people. I would love to share this on my counselling page.

[ggishallou]

Holy crap! You have just described every one of my major relationships.

[larad]

The tricky thing is feeling like the other person in any given relationship (romantic or no) always has all the power and can/will drop you at the first bump in the road and not even really miss you, but there’s nothing they can do that will make you not care for them. It’s a frustrating dynamic, even knowing that it’s self-inflicted

[dawnemile]

Very thorough discussion. I am an FP but the person with BPD is very unpredictable and trying.

[IntheMOMENT]

This is great...I have tried to get help with a FP relationship and have always been let down. People just tell you to get over it but it is not that easy. Thank you for, explaining this in a way I can understand and provide skills to get through it. Thank you!

[antiquemacabre]

I have done this ALL of my life (and am currently doing it with someone) -- teachers, celebrities, friends, coworkers, acquaintances. It's like I get hyper-fixated on them, idealize them, place my self-worth in them, and then crash into despair when I realize that I'm not their "favorite person." I tried to "unalive" myself once behind this behavior. I almost had to stop watching this because it was like holding up a mirror to myself and what it's like in my head all the time. Thankfully, I'm currently in therapy and will bring this to my therapist. We've already been touching on this a bit, but you put it into words in a way that I've been unable to thus far. Thank you SO much for making this video. 🤍

[christinecooper]

Crises that keep happening and feel all consuming, nothing left for the relationship.

Sounds realllly familiar-- pretty positive I'm a favorite person. Thanks for this video, it has greatly deepened my understanding of this dynamic

[rrtvox]

This is such an informative video! Thank you so much. I have been the favorite person a few times in my life, and each of those friends had BPD. Now that I understand so much more about people who have this I can steer clear of the signs and symptoms if I ever see it in a new friend. TBH it was extremely disturbing and creepy to be the FP. Ultimately when it got to be too suffocating, I had to leave! Each and every time I ran away from the person they thought I was abandoning them. However, it was really more self preservation for me and an act of self love... the final time it happened, at least I learned to keep my exit strategy as brief and civil with as little emotional drama as possible.

[jonmars]

Best video I've seen on this subject and very timely for my own situation. I've been FPing a perfectly wonderful innocent individual for a few years now and she's had enough and now I've made a complete fool of myself. I'm working so hard to heal and I so want someone special to understand what I go through but it's not possible and she did not ask for this. It's a no contact situation now and I have to say it's such a relief. I cannot heal without letting go. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one that has done this and that there's an actual discernable pathology I can follow in this behavior and understand. I don't ever want to do this again and awareness is the key.

[ianbuchan]

Thank you for this. Beautifully elucidated.