Is Your CPTSD/Clinging Behavior PUSHING PEOPLE AWAY?

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Do you get ghosted when you give too much? Trying MAKE things happen with other people -- over-giving, pretending to be OK with an uneven relationship, and trying to control other people through pressure or guilt -- almost never gets you what you want. In this video a offer advice to two letter writers who are confused whether they ATTRACT the type who ghosts (cuts off all communication) or if good people are abandoning them because of something they are DOING.
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I've got lots of info and links for you below. But first, PLEASE READ:

I am not a therapist or physician. My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in-person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client physician or quasi-physician relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go to the nearest emergency room immediately.

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[cthornton]

"...they *are* avoidant people and you...
Are attracted *to* them."

I felt that in my soul, Anna.

[sherryf]

Human beings are meant to attach and bond. We live in a world where we are told to not be attached and to be independent and to not look too "needy".
If someone ghosts you because you want to create something meaningful then they are not into you and they are just a crappy human being for not being honest. This whole dating thing is a game that I do not want to play ever again. Text too much and you look like you are overeager and if you don't text at all they say, " you don't seem interested.'
We are biologically wired to meet somebody and be with that person in a pair bond. It isn't supposed to be casual and confusing. Unless you do something off-the-charts crazy and someone ghosts you, it's because there is something wrong with THEM, not you.

[edennis]

About 15 years ago, I realized that if I wanted to talk to or see any of my family and most of my "friends, " I had to contact them first. I decided to stop chasing people who clearly didn't care. My life has been a lot quieter, and less drama filled. Maybe part of the problem is that I attract narcissists because I have a soft heart, which led to having a soft head. After some bad long-term situations, I no longer have such a soft head, and I'm cynical about people's hard luck stories because most of them either turn out to be their own fault, or they're outright lies.

[tarpz]

"We feel uncomfortable when people show up.". This is remarkably true.

[gpparis]

It seems like the more someone doesn't want me the more I want them. Like "winning" them over will prove my parents wrong about me.

[scoobysnax]

Her advice makes sense. However, bear in mind there are also many who pay lip service and say things like ‘let’s hang out’, ‘call me’, ‘we should do xyz’ but don’t mean it. It can be confusing and disappointing.
With experience you can detect these situations/people quickly and not waste your energy.

[shacka]

being on the receiving end of avoidant people is so annoying. And confronting my “problem” of being rejected by my own friends feels like an exercise in self humiliation and self deprivation just as much as the rejection does.

[alisonschmitt]

I think it needs to be said that people who ghost, cannot give a straight answer to a straight question, or who will not give any leeway to someone who may be trying a bit too hard but is fundamentally a good person… THOSE people aren’t healthy either: they are also damaged and lack basic social skills and human empathy. I don’t think we always deserve to be pathologized for bad situations that were CO-CREATED or are actually the other persons fault!

[lilafeldman]

This has been the story of my life. People just stay away from me, bc they sense something isnt right. My neediness and clingyness drives people away from me. I'm learning to live with being alone.

[JacquiCryer]

Never ever and I mean … EVER … chase up for a reply to a message online dating. Bite your lip - ensnare your fingertips.
Don’t don’t don’t !! 😘😘
Just love you Anna ☺️ x

[Chahlie]

I almost think that sometimes we are attracted to avoidant people as it's so embarrassing when people ask about your family and so on. It's much easier if they aren't interested in knowing anything personal about you.

[djinnierasmussen]

I tried to step back and I started to focus on hobbies and things that make me happy. Automatically good people come themselves. Even date invitations.

[KaraLey]

Good one: "There's no revenge like success. "
Love that, and its so true, and it doesn't hurt others, only benefits you.

[ThingsILove]

Speaking the truth in love: This is why this woman is amazing!

[sysye]

I used to be like this. Everything changed the day I sift all the attention to myself and started loving myself, yes it was selfish, but now my relationships are much much better, people seem to value me more.

[jeffreysperber]

Last male of my family name. Mom moved away at 11 . Dad gave me 15 minutes to move out of the home that I was raised in at 16 and he left the state. Rarely introduced to extended family like aunts and uncles. All for being gay. Doing hair for 23 years trained a condensed version of people pleasing. 48 years old now no family no friends. You just described my behavior. Great work CCF. I bombard with compliments and outrageous gift$ . I have won the world’s record for most ghosted. I do unconscious bargaining. That’s it! ❤

[toscadonna]

The first girl doesn’t understand that she’s in his rotation, and it’s not here turn yet. When it doesn’t work out with the other girls he thinks are better, he’ll be back. The ghosting was to leave the door open for future fuckery. Whenever a man pulls away, it’s over. He doesn’t like you, or he’d never do anything to lose you. Just learn to ghost back and make it last forever.

[hipnhappenin]

I mean this in the most respectable way, Anna: You're brutal. You say what the person may not want to hear but NEEDS to hear. You made me realize I need a therapist who won't validate me constantly or coddle me. I need the hard truth. Thank you for your honesty in all your videos.

[Carriesue]

I’m 39 and just starting to realize that I may have ptsd and borderline. I grew up with an abusive step father and an alcoholic mother. I still find myself tensing up if I hear a loud noise or if someone is angry and I really suck at friendships, if I start to feel like they’re detaching from me I’ll destroy the whole friendship and leave. I knew that I had trauma and issues because of how I grew up but never thought ptsd could be involved, this channel is definitely a god send!

[sidlife]

Ally, you never have to send a message like that to people that don't want to be with you. If they are interested they will message you. No need to ask if they are ok. I did that too. Just makes you feel bad after.