How To Deal With Childhood Trauma, Toxic Parents & Toxic Partner - Riri Trivedi |FO237 Raj Shamani

Disclaimer: This video is intended solely for educational purposes and opinions shared by the guest are her personal views. We do not seek to defame or harm any person/brand/product mentioned in the video. Our goal is to provide information to help audience make informed choices.

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Timestamps:

00:00 - Introduction
1:30 - Ways families influence children to choose bad partner
4:53 - Children can develop trauma from ages 0 to 3
11:16 - How everyone interprets events differently
16:49 - How emotional neglect & abuse shape our brain
19:14 - Toxic shame & healthy shame
27:04 - How people become codependent
32:25 - How people develop abandonment issues
43:23 - Harmful attention seeking behaviours
47:34 - Does having kids fix marital problems?
50:16 - How to handle your triggers
55:20 - Psychiatrist vs psychologist
58:14 - PTSD vs CPTSD
1:00:36 - Techniques to heal from trauma
1:03:24 - Most astounding research yet
1:11:29 - Parental physical abuse
1:16:04 - Many men don’t seek therapy
1:19:19 - Extramarital affairs
1:22:31 - Signs of healthy relationships
1:27:24 - Importance of space
1:32:08 - Mental fitness or physical fitness
1:35:43 - Psychoneuroimmunology
1:41:07 - Concluding thoughts
1:43:36 - Thank you!

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In today’s episode of Figuring Out, we have Riri G Trivedi in conversation with Raj Shamani.
She is a PhD scholar in childhood trauma & mental health, co-founder of Wellness Space, and an Inner child therapy trainer and parenting coach.

In this episode, we talked about the psychology of people who marry at an early, three things families do wrong that make the child choose the wrong life partners, what are top contributors to suicide, and the difference between toxic and healthy shame and toxic and healthy fear. We then talked about tips for raising an independent kid and how to build emotional resilience in kids. We also talked about the causes of self-harming behavior, what is trauma and the signs and causes of it, and the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist and when to go to each of them.

Towards the end, we talked about shocking facts she found out during her research, what real forgiveness is, and the side effects on kids when they are beaten up by their parents. We then talked about why some men tolerate domestic violence by their wives, what are the few common qualities in functional, healthy couples, and tips on healthy parenting. To watch such insightful podcasts, subscribe to our channel right now!

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To Know More,
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About Figuring Out
Figuring Out Podcast is a Candid Conversations University where Raj Shamani brings raw conversations with the Top 1% in India.

[queenbeestings]

That line, "when a marriage is not working, do not have kids" Thank You for it

[shreyasinghrohilla]

If parents don't take therapy, their children have to. Someone has to break toxic generation traumas

[sonal]

I've cried multiple times while watching this video ...this was so relatable.. I'm in a constant survival mode and nervous system has been completely destroyed cuz of my parents as they were themselves abused... now this a high time that we should spread this message and make people aware that parenting a child is not like playing Ludo .. it takes much effort than an Indian society think!!!

[poonamsaroj]

A person in depression needs a lot of mental strength to even get up from their bed to do physical work...

[maithlizen.]

Please bring her again... We want to hear more of her and topics like this.

[monishasarkar]

I was reading the comments and realised that i am not alone....well we all suffered n may be suffering.... constant emotional fight goes on in thanks to this podcast....not gonna pass it to my next a promise

[JASMINE-]

I am a mother of 6 yr kid, thank you to make me realise my mistake in my behaviour towards my kid and also it helps me heal myself

[politeburger]

Raj was my school senior and I feel so proud to see where has he reached now. I have severe child traumas and since a while, I have been severely depressed and had often had dark thoughts as well. This session was extremely helpful! I felt heard and seen after a long long time. It's a humble request to invite more such people, who can provide people like me: a healthy therapy session. Thank You Raj! :)

[shubhamwankhede]

I don't tolerate $hit from anyone, and people around me call me egoistic and cold-hearted for this nature of mine. Now I realize how well my parents raised me and taught me about self-worth and self respect.

[CHY]

Raj actually asks a lot of WHYs, so that a common man understands! He never pretends to be intellectual or to understand everything the guest says, unlike other podcasters who tend to agree most of times. Raj always asks how and why, which I really like about him! Because we don’t want the podcast for the sake of it, but to actually understand the topic.
Thanks Raj for doing such an amazing job and for spreading awareness!!

[parveenalria]

This is one of the best podcast I have ever seen. Things they discussed were spot on. It's so true that your childhood trauma leads to the wrong decisions in your life. Since childhood I was judged for my dark complexion. When I got physically abused as a child, I told my mom but she simply asked me not to tell anyone. I was in 2nd class and dealt with the whole situation alone. The home environment was so toxic that I just wanted to get married and leave the house forever. As ma'am said I said yes to the first person (arrange marriage) who said yes to me. Got married to the wrong person, toxic in-laws. Thought that the child would change the situation but nothing changed. The whole pregnancy I went through depression and tried committing suicide. Later separated from him. Escaping remained a trait in my whole life. Rather than finding solutions for problems, I just tried to ignore them which later on became unmanageable areas. Today I am independent with a well paying job and supporting my kid too but it's true due to the traumatic things that happened earlier in childhood I have trust issues with everyone.
Hats off to you both to discuss such an important topic.
Thanks❤❤❤

[sujaydutta]

Please bring this kind of Guest who has the ball to speak the truth of our stone aged outdated culture, not like Mr Sandip Das kind of guests who support the blind faith and outdated culture.
Thank you very much for introducing such kind of brilliant guests.🙏

[souldigger]

One of the red flags of parents who DONT WANT TO heal themselves is " they dont even rememeber what damage they did years back, and they refuse to accept anything. My mother only remembers the abuse SHE faced, but clearly ignores and denies her kid's suffering because ego hurts to accept that I FAILED AS PARENT"
i so badly want to show this to my mother, but she will not even see this complete. Because she was a victim but also full with Ego. Infact i got to learn through her that so many victims are by choice victims, they hate every person and talk which compels them to face their own shadow self. They always need a punching bag, a scape goat, a person BECAUSE of whom they could not do something is always required in thier lives to give them survival. Infact the woman who talk sense, or took divorces are looked down upon by women who didnt have balls to take this step in their life. So instead of admiring or appreciating the one who CHOSE freedom over bondage, they start rediculing her/him.
Indain parenting is most toxic because if you go out and try to share anything . you are made to shut up because PARENTS CAN NEVER BE WRONG.. even if they are feeding your poison, you are supposed to think" they are doing it for my best"
obedience is demanded
respect is demanded
nothing is earned by indian parents

[HumanFirst]

Brother..I used to troll u at times...just for fun...bt after watching this podcast i feel so freaking guilty... My mother has Narcissistic personality disorder.... The amount of emotional abuse and neglect me and my dad have suffered is indescribable..my dad a very sensitive man passed away a decade ago... I'm in my mid 30s n still go thru trauma n debilitating memories of what she has done and still doing... Bt cos Indian society is such that nobody thinks mothers can be evil.. Can't even imagine... They keep taking her side and Gaslighting me...thanks to ur podcast more and more ppl ll know that parents can be evil n mean too... Not all..bt a fraction of them are... Thanks Raj bro

[NehaYadav]

I personally love the line "you can't own any human being "
Just In love with this conversation ❤

[apoemadaywithkk]

Raj, this episode is a favor to so many many adults who have grown up in abusive homes. There are no laws in India to address these issues, and a lot of abusive behaviour by parents is thought to be a way to discipline children. I can tell you, it's a terrible situation out there. I hope more people watch this episode. Thanks to the guest for her clarity of thoughts and advice.

[enivrante_shweta]

I cried so much watching it coz the things I got to know about myself at 28.... So many answers for why am I the person I am today, so many memories of constant nagging, the toxic fear and toxic shame that i have faced... Everything came flashing like a flood....
Thank you for such a brilliant video, this was needed..!

[arundhatifit]

This just goes to say that we need to be kind to others. You never know how much of trauma the other person might be carrying. Some of us were lucky to have the right kind of parenting, some weren’t. I wish every child gets the parents he or she deserves.

[InterDstar]

Forgiveness is not tolerating someone's shitty behaviour. it's about letting go of imprints of your past trauma.

[simranmehra]

As a psychology major, I am so happy that you brought someone like her on the show. People have normalised this behaviour of parents but, it is important to shed light on the same.