Depression and Rage: When Anger Masks Childhood Trauma

Dr. Tracey Marks explores the complex relationship between depression, childhood trauma, and anger in adults. This video sheds light on how childhood neglect can lead to intense anger later in life and offers insights into recognizing and managing these emotions. It also discusses practical self-help strategies, including acceptance and commitment therapy, for those seeking to heal from childhood trauma.

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References for this video
Anger in Adults a Red Flag for Childhood Trauma - Medscape - Apr 05, 2023.

Disclaimer: All of the information on this channel is for educational purposes and not intended to be specific/personal medical advice from me to you. Watching the videos or getting answers to comments/question, does not establish a doctor-patient relationship. If you have your own doctor, perhaps these videos can help prepare you for your discussion with your doctor.

[sorenable]

It was so healing for me to see that there is a difference between someone who uses anger to manipulate and control, and someone who experiences it because of childhood trauma. I thought for most of my life that I was the former, and a monster, but I am definitely the latter, a broken person who doesn’t know how to regulate themselves. I’m gonna do what I can to heal and get this under control.

[Beancp]

Hygiene neglect can make a child a target for some of the most severe modalities of bullying
Social trauma is almost guaranteed to follow it

[arsonfly]

Does it piss anyone else off that the things that are done to you as a child become your problem as an adult? "Hey, we neglected and abused you, so fix it or you're out."

[eveywrens]

Glad you are validating depression and anger. I was never allowed to be angry as a child and if I expressed anger, I was punished. I'm ashamed to admit to episodes of rage towards electronics. It's expensive. I destroyed a personal laptop beyond repair and had to buy a new one. Although I've wanted to throw my laptop many times at work out of unrelieved frustration, I signed a form acknowledging that the laptop is the property of my employer and I am responsible to pay to replace it. That and the embarrassment. So I walk away, go splash cold water in my face, eat a snack (being hangry is a trigger), or go for a walk. My new therapist is doing EMDR and IFS, aka parts therapy, with me. I'm learning to give myself permission to feel angry and identify what need is not being met. Making progress.

[deanagallatin]

The coolest thing just happened to me while listening to the video. Context: I was at my mom's house. She was nitpicking at me again. I was so fed up with it. I thought to myself " just breathe like you do to go to sleep at night. Big breath in 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. breathe out slowly. Keep breathing til you are calm. Wait for it it will come. Sure enough. Did not speak nasty back to my mom. She is 79. I am 61. I felt so in control at that moment. And each time I did this, cause she nit picks all the time. And you spoke about doing just this. I am so proud I thought of it. Used it and got it right. Thank you for this video. I needed to see I did the correct thing.

[experiencelifelittleone]

I feel so sad when I think about this. I personally have been neglected emotionally. And it really snowballs into the present.

[cubanito]

To this day I dont have a memory of my parents giving me emotional support, i do remember my mom always telling me i was cold and non loving. I suspect i got it from them…. Hard to change at 32 years old but i am trying for my daughter.

[eksbocks]

I remember watching a video on another website. Where a kid jumped a student in class. Nobody intervened, and the victim just suddenly screamed.

"I'm done. I hate this place."

That's what gets to me the most.... When someone genuinely goes through abuse. And it's just dismissed as "anger issues."

The kid who jumped him has anger issues. Not him. But if nobody believes the victim: That's how we have this connection of Irritability and PTSD.

Especially if it was on a chronic basis.

The whole saying of "Hate just creates more Hate."

[kenjileach]

I'm bipolar and grew up in a family of 5 kids. My Mother suffered from depression and did not like to be held of to hold us. My father raised the boys as if we were his property. He didn't say he loved us and he never gave hugs. Lots and lots of anger.

When I was working, I would have to put so much effort in preparing myself for negative comments. If someone caught me off guard, my anger would come out.

My father just recently passed on at 92. I didn't go to funeral, because I wanted a new start with him on my terms. :)

I pray for those of you who suffered as a child. Thank you Dr. Marks for helping so many with your videos. God Bless You.

[noellealdi]

My mom has BPD was severely physically+verbally abusive, I literally feel like I was raised by a sadistic child. This rage feels like the pits of hell are bottled up in your stomach and chest with nowhere to go except consume you… you may lose a lot of friends, relationships, and family by dealing with such uncontrollable rage. Take time and find healthy hobbies like gardening, pottery, painting, and especially journaling! These have all really helped me. I’m so sorry that anyone else has had to deal with this, I resonate with you on a deep profound level

[thelostone]

My sister recently came to live with me and my wife because she left a toxic relationship. It’s been so odd because we have spent hours and hours talking about our childhood, what it was like to have parents like ours, and the neglect of having 7 children in the household. (My parents were Mormons and it was what they were told to do). But explosive anger seems to come up a lot in our conversations and this video helps explain some of it. So a sincere thank you for providing some insight.

[neroow]

Yesterday, I felt rage about my childhood wounds. I felt deep sadness and sorry for myself. I don't know who to blame.
How I grew up with emotional neglect influenced low self-esteem, low self-image, low social skills, and low emotional intimacy.
My mother has generational trauma, and I know how she was raised is a reflection of how I was raised with a lack of love and nurturing, I don't want to blame and shame myself anymore, because that won't make things better, it will only make my self-image worse .
I'm lonely going through my life's journey, trying to understand and make sense of everything, but it's overwhelming me. Since there was no one to guide me, I just hoped for it myself.

[christabelle__]

Wow, this...was actually eye opening. I thought most of my intense anger was rooted in my emotional dysregulation from undiagnosed ADHD - but this really nails it on the head. I always feel terrible, and cry, and apologize afterwards because...I hate it. I hate who I am when I hit that rage point. I was emotionally and physically abused AND I was starved as part of the punishment (and was almost never taken to a doctor...even when my grandmother, a school teacher, told them I had ADHD) - so even at 35, I'm still not okay about it all. Thank you, Doctor Marks, for helping me learn more about my own brain, and what's going on - and hopefully I can get into counseling soon, and bring these sorts of things up with a therapist. (Sadly, I'm finding that every depression medication I try makes me have nasty side-effects, so any other way I can find to help myself, I'll take it!) Having a pet really helped me - because there is no worse guilt than making an innocent feel fear at your own hands, and I NEVER want to do that. It's taught me to slow down and process things a lot more before I react out of that impulsive anger - because animals, like children, don't know any better. They're not doing things to spite you, they're the purest form of innocence, and when they're being a bother...they often just want some love and attention, and I can't fault them for that, as a once abused and neglected child.

[phyllisnuzzi]

I am 68 years old…I suffer from anxiety and depression. It took me a long time to figure out it was my mother. Looking back I think most of family her family where bipolar. She would be normal then angry in a matter of a seconds. Never held me, told me she even liked me, yelled at me for what I thought was nothing, would call me names, never helped me with my homework. On the other hand she would do all this for my brother. This is why I have anxiety and depression. I have learned over the years to have a routine surround myself with people who actually like me and love me. It was an uphill battle but it is possible. I never took any of this out on my brother. It was not his fault. To anyone that is suffering good luck on your journey just remember all things are possible.

[mfenix]

My mom killed herself when I was 7 and I was raised by my abusive father who has narcissistic personality disorder and was a Vietnam vet and drill sergeant in the Army. Also we lived out in the country, so I had no friends and was completely isolated. I've lost a few jobs because I couldn't control my rage after awhile and would be like the incredible Hulk on PCP. It took me over 30 years to get control of my emotions and relax after I went no contact with my dad because he's still a complete asshole. It's just a miracle I didn't turn into a serial killer considering my childhood lol.

[di_kid]

I used to not feel anger at all, then after years of therapy, the anger and rage came back in full force. But after being abandoned, neglected, beat up, groomed at 13 and blackmailed into silence, it’s clear where that anger came from.

But I’ve learned to pause and observe myself. To not judge myself for being angry, and act like a good friend to myself. From this, I’ve been able to break through blind rage and not take it out on things or those around me.

[junoeggers]

My anger gets so bad I physically hurt, and worse I blackout from it at times. I did years of therapy to get some control. Thanks for the video it has answered some of my questions about my childhood experiences.

[Beren_Yildirim]

I was emotionally neglected as a kid and my parents are my bosses so I've been having rage episodes for the last 2-3 days, Dr. Tracey Marks somehow always knows what video I need, seriously 😅😅

[nkwhite]

Good God, I won all the spots on the childhood neglect bingo card!! I finally got into therapy due to being physically tired of being angry about 5 yrs ago. It did NOT help that every nursing job situation I had from 2007 until 2021 repeated the same gaslighting and neglect from persons in power. From the household, to the workplace, to self-advocating for chronic illness; I didn't have much of a chance to break out of automatic trauma responses for just about all my life. I didn't end up in a safer in occupational and personal healthcare power differential situations, to stop reinforcing the same learned trauma responses, until 2020.

It's a good reminder, writing this out, as to why we're still on a weekly therapy appointment schedule ...

[kasondaleigh]

Wow!
I’ve ALWAYS carried A LOT of rage beneath the surface and I’ve always been deeply depressed. Blowing up at nothing was my normal for years and years and I felt like such a horrible person even if no one witnessed my meltdown. Thank you DR. for confirming what I suspected, - that the rage was residual from my childhood abuse and the gaslighting that followed.
I’m better now thank god after realizing the abuse I suffered and going no contact, but it has taken 5 years of healing to get to a calm place of acceptance when things don’t go my way. Thank you for this video!