End Self Criticism Now!

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Are you always extra hard on yourself? Do you often feel like you are your own worst critic?

If you tend to demand a lot of yourself and constantly feel frustrated or disappointed, then stick around . . . because today, we’re talking about one simple tool that will help you to create more confidence and self-worth in every area of your life that really matters.

Nothing impacts our lives and overall happiness quite as much as our relationships with ourselves. In fact, it’s such an important dynamic that I’m currently writing an entire book on it (it’s going to be called OMOS: On My Own Side, but don’t ask me when it will be released, because I truly have no clue yet).

For many people, the conversation that takes place in their own minds from day to day can only be described as abusive.

Since I’ve started collecting ideas for my book, I’ve taken a lot of time to interview people about this topic and reflect on their experiences, and I’ve got to be honest: I’m seeing a lot of emotional and verbal abuse, full of contempt and ridicule.

In noting this fact, something occurred to me: we don’t even know it’s happening!

Think about it: when was the last time you stopped to consider how you talk to yourself? It’s probably been a while, right?

Take a moment now and consider the most recent exchanges within your mind—were they positive or negative? Did you walk away feeling like you could conquer the world, or did you feel like you’d rather curl up into the fetal position with a pan of brownies?

If you’re leaning toward option B, then here is an exercise you should try: for one week, every time you feel a negative emotion, jot down what is happening inside your head in a journal. Feeling down, anxious, upset? Write it down along with your inner monologue.

Most of us with this issue not only have no idea that we’re doing it, but we’re also constantly desensitizing ourselves to it.

We do it so much that we get used to the abusive treatment, and it no longer shocks us.

What happens in these scenarios is that the abuse becomes the new normal. Instead of questioning the abusive tactics and language—as we would if we saw it between two people on the street—we brush it off or barely even notice it.

When we notice ourselves engaging in an abusive cycle of thought, the only thing we should be thinking is, “This is NOT ok.”

- Why did you say that? You’re so stupid!
o This is not ok.
- Of course she doesn’t want to give you her number—you’re ugly!
o This is not ok.
- You’re never going to amount to anything because you’re worthless!
o This is not ok.

This is the only healthy, acceptable response to abusive behavior.

Any time that inner critic starts to tear into you and make you feel as though you’re not worthy, you need to push that shame and embarrassment aside and pump the brakes. There’s no need to replay the negative scenario in your head over and over again—it’s not going to change anything.

Instead, you need to immediately reverse the narrative by reminding yourself that you’re a good person: “Whoa, let’s chill out here for a second. There’s no need to attack my character—I’m a pretty good guy. Back off!”

In order to effectively reverse the negative cycle of self-criticism, you must create a shock response to it every time it starts back up so that you begin to wake up to the abuse.

Topics covered in this video:
dr. aziz, confidence coach, build confidence, increase self-confidence, overcome social anxiety, overcome shyness, get more confidence, confidence tips, life coach, how to be confident, positivity, attitude, self-esteem, zizard411

#DrAziz #BoldAction #ConfidenceCoach #SocialAnxiety
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I like that. Calling it out for what it is. “Thats self-abuse, thats self-hate.”

JolinHard
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You're the top!...others give me insights and good advices, but you speak to my heart. Please don't stop with this channel, rhe podcast and wrighting

tonyferr
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You re the best Aziz in this area of life! I try from my 12 years to now (24years) to figured out the way of changing my low self-esteem and every life couch says like "just be aware" or "love yourself" and you re the first one that tell about methods and I now know about inner voice that tells me shit and my life little by little starts to change, I have more courage for everything, to go out, to post pictures that I want on my Instagram, just more freedom. It s not always easy, I still sometimes behave in my shablon but at least i know what it s all about. I left a few comments already, but I am so grateful for you. Love from Serbia, Belgrade ❤️

yorkidog
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Dr Aziz - you are the bomb! Your book "Not Nice" really really helped me more than any other book ever has! I've become so much more assertive in my life and I love challenging myself each time I feel that discomfort in "you should just be nice" situations and am so proud when I lean into it. This video was helpful because I resonate with that self-critical voice always chirping at me and making me feel like I'm not good enough. I've been in an emotionally abusive relationship before and definitely don't want to be in one with myself. But I tend to internalise issues around me as my fault. I convince myself I'm being too sensitive and should just suck it up. So when previous partners and bosses haven't treated me with respect, I've just thought it was me not being deserving so have just put on a brave face and "taken it". But of course that has impacted my health and happiness over the years! So my question - do you have any advice around how to recognise when you're the person (and it's your attitude) that needs to change so a situation improves, or when it's someone else's behaviour that actually isn't appropriate or acceptable? I find the boundary very blurry! I should think more of myself and know I deserve better, but it feels very wishy washy in mind. Thank you for everything, as always. Love these videos and am looking forward to your new book in due course. Take care.

stephie
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I literally cried watching this video..have been indulged in self criticism since long way beyond i remember...thanks for the video

syedanaz
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Hi Dr. Aziz. Thanks for the tip about the diary. I'll try it because today my critic was furious like many other days and I want to stop it. I can't even listen to what the person next to me is saying because my critic doesn't stop reminding me all the things I did wrong, how awkward I am, and the other person can feel that I`m just not there, that I`m in my mind and it looks that I don't care what he is saying, but it isn't true, the problem is that I can't listen when my critic is yelling me and saying I`m stupid and I just want to give up. I don't know how in these situations not listen to my critic and just be in the moment. It is too hard for me right now. So I`m going to try with the diary. Thanks for the tip.

TheSofronisco
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New book *_* Looking forward to getting it on kindle AND especially Audible!! How you read for "Not Nice" was absolutely amazing; I couldn't turn you off. So glad I purchased on a whim this month and it introduced me to you.

RedJasmineTea
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Thank you Dr. Aziz, your videos always help and inspire me.

ranaa
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damn We all have that inner critic voice in our heads

m_rd
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I swear I feel like Dr, Aziz reads my mind or something... each trouble i need to fix in my life . I open Youtube I see a video on that topic from Dr. Aziz
Thank you for helping me always

isoooalrock
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Really needed that today. Thank you so much 🙏

j.rezende
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Hey! Just a tip on the intro of the video. When you talk a little about what the video is about and how it might help I found that I had already clicked the video and was planning on watching it. It might be a good idea to put that short bit at the end of another of your videos (One that is somewhat related), along with an annotation that links to the video. So it can be something like this "If you think this would help you, click here to watch that video now". Might help direct people from one video to another :)

Thank you so much for all the videos- i'm struggling with social anxiety right now, but am trying to get better!

Adam-sgeo
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Great work as always. Can’t wait to see what this next book brings. Are we supposed to battle this with just positive affirmations/ self talk?

resilient.gladiator
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if you ever come to delhi, india..i would really like to meet you..why don't you come here there are lots of people here who don't know about you but need your help desperately and even it's a good market...your free ebook about confidence really helped me

riteshyaduwanshi
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Hi i hope you read this well I’m not sure if it has to do with not having confidence in myself but when I’m getting in trouble or someone is saying something mean to me I don’t know how to speak up for myself but then after the whole situation is over I beat myself up about it telling myself man you should’ve said this or you should’ve done this I just can’t figure out what I need to do to build the confidence to stand up for myself especially when it comes to women

valariepajas
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Thanks once again Dr Aziz. You've spoken about this topic many times and every time you're as passionate as the first time. You've also mentioned that this is the base for confidence. P.s. I've left my number on the comments section like you've said on your website but I'm yet to get a call from you. I know you're busy. Thanks once again Dr Aziz.

amali
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Excellent video coach, Truly if we think about it this IS the most important thing I noticed in my confidence journey alongside with our identity. One thing I wanted to share was that I noticed a extremely bizzare pattern that whenever I noticed my self attacking myself, I got even more mad that why am I attacking myself and then attack my self LOL. So just one insight I wanted to share 💪

ismail
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So this other time I decided to watch the Netflix doccie on Tony Robbins, I'm not your Guru.Basically it was a taping of one his 3 day seminar (might have gotten the days), it showed how he helped people get over personal problems such as one guy not having confidence and some other lady struggling with a personal relationship.The methods used were just ineffective or let me say anyone who understands how change works will just see that.I respect Tony Robbins and all with what he has done in the business world but when it comes to solving personal stuff he lacks greatly.
Now I say this because know you, Aziz, admire Robbins a lot and would like to have the footprint he does and you do mention in your podcasts that you sometimes feel like you are not reaching enough people or growing as much as you would like and that it can be frustrating.
You may not have a channel with the most subcribers or even be a household name but honestly I have never ever, and I have looked a looot of people up, who really understands social anxiety/shyness/confidence as well as you do.The first time I read the sample of your first book on kindle I was blown away cause you articulated my thoughts in a manner that I myself could have never done.Your knowledge and the fact that you talking about something you've actually gone through just make you better than anyone, Tony Robbin included.I would like to go on and on about what you do and how it has helped raise my awareness to levels I have never thought possible.
You are what James Allen was to philosophy, an unsung hero.Not a lot of people know of James Allen or his work as much as they know an Aristotle or Plato but the very few that do know that he has written some of the most potent books on philosphy and has done it a way never to be matched again.
To the little community you do have here you are that Aziz.

khanyafaba
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Can make a video on how to care less about of people think

damobrown
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What if I'm a good for nothing, I need to have something, one good quality or skill I can feel confident about. I'm good at nothing, can't understand, can't remember like normal people, you name it, and people look down upon me, and I don't blame them. But you never get used to it, there is so much pain when someone looks at me, not even a word, but they say that, oh no, here he comes. I get to know instantly. So I don't talk, then I get criticized again for being an introvert.

sambhavdutt