How to Overcome Infidelity In Your Marriage (And Prevent Divorce!)

When someone you love betrays your trust, it can feel like an hopeless hurdle to overcome. But the truth is, with a little tender love and care, and dedication from both spouses, it's completely possible for your marriage to survive infidelity.

My name is Brad Browning, I’m a marriage coach from Vancouver, BC. You may recognize me from another one of my videos, or have heard about my best-selling Mend the Marriage program, designed to help married couples work through their hardships and recommit to one another. But today I’m going to talk about how to overcome cheating in your marriage.

Before we get started it’s important to note that before any progress can be made in repairing the marriage, the unfaithful spouse must first end their affair. Once that’s done, both spouses must commit to repairing the damage, rebuilding trust, and working through the following steps to save their marriage and emerge stronger on the other side.

Here they are:

1. Openly talk about the affair.

In order to move past the infidelity, it’s important that both partners are given the opportunity to share their feelings and get the insight they need to move on. The betrayed spouse should ask questions about the things they need to know. For example, how long did the affair last? Was it sexual or emotional? What was the extent of the lies that were told to conceal it? And is there any risk of an STD or pregnancy? Although they may have the urge to learn the x-rated details of the sexual encounters, they shouldn’t ask. Instead of causing more unnecessary pain, keep the focus on the relationship, not the affair.

It’s also important that the unfaithful spouse shares the thoughts and feelings they had that caused them to cheat. Doing so will help you both understand the underlying problems you face.

2. Practice honesty and work on rebuilding trust.

It’s crucial that spouses provide all details honestly and completely, and take the steps necessary to prove their trustworthiness. Even though telling the truth can be tough, it’s been proven that couples heal better after an affair if the adulterous spouse supplies all of the information requested by his or her betrayed partner. If you never discuss it, you cannot recover. A willingness to talk about the affair will rebuild trust, but if you leave out details and they come out in the future, then your spouse will feel betrayed all over again.

Another great way to work on rebuilding trust is by making sure that your actions match up with your words. For example, if you say, "I love you," back it up with loving actions. If you say, "I want our marriage to work," then commit to being monogamous. There is nothing worse for your partner than to find out they’re being lied to.

*** More from Brad Browning: ***

[qwertyzxcv]

The most decent marriage coach in YouTube!

[pearl]

It's true that the wayward spouse has to be 100% supportive and understanding with the betrayed spouse. Especially when continually bringing up the affair. It may be frustrating for the wayward, but it's part of the healing process for the betrayed. They've been through a huge trauma and it's sort of like their brain trying to come to terms with the affair. The brain of the betrayed plays the affair over and over again shortly after the affair is brought to light and they are just trying to make sense of it all.

[shobud]

Brad, the number one thing is exactly that. She cannot will not let it go. We can experience 3 months of peace and bliss and then bam one day she is reliving that moment like a Vietnam flashback. Where shes full of hate hurt and bitter animosity. We have been going through this vicious circle for years. It's affecting me mentally emotionally and physically. I often think about suicide cuz I cannot fix this problem

[scotmanmc]

One of the thing i have a lot of trouble with is how it has tainted other things in our life, her affair started right when we bought our new house, and i know things took place in her new car, now being around these things twists my stomach and ignites resentment.

[darkeggycj]

He forgot;
Tip 9: Manipulate your Spouse
Tip 10: Gas light your Spouce
Tip 11: Learn from you initial mistakes to take a new or continue the previous affair deeper underground.

[regie]

Thank you!! Finally a video that helps the one that cheated...

[Savannah]

I'm going through this right now. I just found out a few days ago that my husband of almost 35 years had an affair for 4 months. The woman is 20 years younger than he is. I'm totally devastated, I have never in a million years ever ever thought my husband would cheat on me, he was just not that guy. I know I should get support but I don't want to talk to anyone about it, I feel ashamed. I just want to end my life and be done with it.

[smellymelly]

Hi Brad. I’ve been with my husband together as a couple for 8yrs and married for 2. I found out recently that he’s cheated on me 3 times. Once prior to our marriage and the other 2 after we were married. He met them on Tinder as dating site. His reason is he’s so insecure with himself and seeks he attention to feel better about himself. He has had the worst of the worst of childhood upbringings (i.e. sexual abuse, parents on drugs and witnessing verbal & physical abuse, as well as being made fun of as a child & teen). Those things don’t validate or excuse his actions but i sort of see where his insecurities stem from. He said he was trying to end what he did by being friends with the woman..knowing it was wrong still. I asked for a divorce but now we are seeking marital & individual counseling. So far he hasn’t had his personal counseling due to schedule conflicts. I feeling like he has remorse but also feels like he has no emotion, unless i talk about ending the marriage. I’m very confused and lost. We never fought. I asked if he was happy and he responded with yes, and he doesn’t know why he did this. We honestly seemed like a great couple but i had no idea he was living a double life

[sexycatlady]

great video thank you! the first step you say is your spouse ending contact with affair spouse....well what if they have never told you they ended it, they just stopped working at the same place? so because he no longer works there, the affair is over for sure? he's very defensive when I mention it, yelling at me that he ended it. he has never humbly told me on his own will its over with his affair partner, nor has he showed any proof that he ended it. he's not remorseful, doesn't show compassion and he won't initiate recovery. so I feel there are still signs he is still in the affair. please help! and thank you!

[valerienibblins]

Hey, this is a great video!! Im not married yet. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year now and we are thinking about marriage. He asked if we were to get married and he did cheat how would I handle it and I told him I would divorce him. But he doesn't believe in divorce, because God says he hates divorce. How can you truly forgive someone and learn to trust them all over again?!

[trippstephens]

Delusional! Sure....you can save a relationship after that, see how that works without trust. See how that works when one partner has no privacy and the other cannot go a single day without suspicion creeping its way to the surface.
Why would you want to ever continue a relationship with a person that can’t abide by the easiest & simplest....loyalty. It’s not an “oops” my clothes fell off kind of situation.

[amyoga]

Hi Brad, Im currently separated with no contact from my hubby. He has forgiven me for the affair but not on the harsh words I said to him. I do want to fix and heal or marriage. I am giving him his space that he needs. We are seeking counseling.

[robertperez]

Brad 3 weeks ago I found out my wife had an "emotional affair" which I think was sexual also... It was nine months long. I forgave her and she agreed to try and make things work. She denies having slept with this person of course. That bothers me a little bit but what bothers me the most is not knowing this persons name, what he looks like and stuff about him that she Am I wrong for wanting to have closure on that. And of course I wouldn't do anything stupid... that's not the reason for wanting to know

[pajnyiagdesigns]

Great stuff. I'm in a rut here though. You say before starting any of this, the spouse must end the affair. So in my husband's offense, it's ended but he still talks and texts the woman because they "still work together and it's only about work and he no longer has feelings for her." I keep trying to make him understand all the above that you mention about my hurt and everything but he doesn't take empathy or compassion in my pain. How can I make him understand that keeping her around is pretty much making me replay the infidelity over and over again and I can't move on from this?

[mpayne]

Great stuff, Brad. Really hit the nail here.

[louloueddie]

overcoming cheating is easy it's called divorce

[darknova]

Im not married but I have had a girlfriend for a couple years and she cheated. It has been about 5 months since but I dont want to just be survivors of it, i just want it all gone. I feel like its going to bog down the specialness of everything in our relationship. Like we arent really as great as we though we were and all our dreams for the future cant be a bright as they were before. So now im just living my life calling ourselves survivors rather than being 100% secure in my relationship as i once had. This makes me cry all the time. I need someone to help me.

[brooklynbaby]

That was great information. How do deal with a repeated act of infidelity that happened over 20+ years ago and only bring up feelings about it after the children have left the nest?

[doryk]

A husband who loves the extended family more than the wife and makes the wife feel insecure is also seen as infidelity. It must not be with one woman out there.

[yi-hsinyu]

Hi Brad, do you have a video talking about what to do if your husband is serious about his affair partner and wants to end our relationship?