How To Parent A Child With Oppositional Defiant Disorder

Generally, most parenting advice can be applicable to any child; but for parents of non-neurotypical children, you might want to do things a bit differently to work around their tendencies. In this video, I'll share helpful advice and tips on how to parent a child with oppositional defiant disorder!

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Watch and Enjoy!
Nicholeen Peck
Teaching Self-Government

Key Moments in this Episode
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00:00 Intro & Summary
00:56 What Is Oppositional Defiant Disorder?
03:02 Why Children With ODD Prefer Power Struggling
05:26 Importance Of Understanding Family Roles
06:38 What Doesn't Work With Children With ODD
07:51 Important Skills For Learning Self-Government
10:03 Importance Of Predictability For Children With ODD
11:47 Learn More About Parenting

What To Watch Next
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How To Discipline A Teenager With Oppositional Defiant Disorder

Resources
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Get our Calm Parenting Toolkit here:

Learn more about us here:

Check out our upcoming events here:

About Nicholeen Peck
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Despite your best efforts at raising children, is your family dysfunctional? Do your children set the rules and have control of your home instead of you? Are you looking for parenting skills that will help you create a united, happy family?

Then meet Nicholeen Peck, one of the world’s most effective parenting experts. Whether you want to fix child behavioral issues, create more unity in the home, or simply strengthen your family relationships, her proven system — Teaching Self-Government — can help you turn chaos into calm.

"People are starving for help to save their families," says Nicholeen.

Since 1999, her seminars, workshops, one-on-one training sessions, parenting videos and books have helped thousands of families worldwide regain peace, be happy and maintain unity in their home. The secret? Learning how to use effective family systems based on parenting that’s deliberate and pro-active (instead of reactive). It all starts with the principles of self-government. If you’re a family of faith, you’ll especially love how your faith and values can be woven into her parenting system.

In 2009, Nicholeen and her husband starred in the BBC reality TV show, “The World’s Strictest Parents”. She became an overnight sensation by turning around two out-of-control teenagers from England after just one week — without shouting, threats or manipulation. Her amazing success comes from the positive parenting techniques of using calmness, effective communication and principles of self-government.

Nicholeen Peck’s Accomplishments
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* Author of “Parenting: A House United,” “Popular Parenting Methods: Are They Really Working?,” “Roles: The Secret to Family, Business, and Social Success” and many other books and magazine articles.
* President of The Worldwide Organization for Women (WOW).
* Nicholeen regularly speaks at the United Nations and other congresses around the world as an advocate for strengthening families and motherhood.
* In 2009 her family was featured on the BBC reality show, “The World’s Strictest Parents.
* Trained as a foster parent for Utah Youth Village.
* Has parented many troubled foster children.
* Successfully raised (and raising) four children of her own.

Testimonials
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“Her loving parenting techniques work with ALL children.”

“Thank you for your insights and solutions. They have helped my family so much.”
Michelle

“My husband and I have started implementing some of your techniques, and our house has been so different!”
Julianne

“I feel that my children respect me more. I will be eternally grateful for what I have learned from Nicholeen Peck.”
Michelle Baker

“If you want to forge the strongest family bonds possible, to repair damaged relationships, and redeem a child that seems completely lost, then this program IS for you.”
Sandra

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Nate Woodbury - YouTube Producer

#ODD
#Parenting
#ChildDevelopment

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[dionemeades]

My son is 12 and started this behavior approximately 2, 5 years ago after a bullying incident. He has adhd and has been diagnosed odd so is on Ritalin and a mood stabilizer! Life with him is extremely difficult and we feel traumatized as a family. He is rebellious defiant obnoxious rude and narcissistic - he loves creating chaos & strife in the home and somehow this makes him feel more powerful & in control! He triggers me and I trigger him. We have major personality clashes. We have no relationship and at times he doesn’t even greet me he does not help with any chores in the home and refuses to wear his seatbelt take his medication brush his teeth flush the toilet shower or do his homework - he is often late for school as it’s so hard for him to get up in the mornings, he is hyper fixated on gaming and interrupts a conversation multiple times and then proceeds to argue and always needs the last say, he can’t apologize “repair ruptures” and struggles socially as he is such a difficult person. We are in so much anguish as parents and are exhausted it’s just too hard to cope with and we feel we’ve tried everything to help but nothing works. It’s soul destroying.😢

[amberstrickland]

My son is diagnosed ODD. He is 10 years old and has told me that when I give him a no answer his brain tells him it’s the only thing he wants and he doesn’t care what the consequences will be to get it. He recognizes that he does that and it frustrates him, but at the same time he can’t seem to stop himself in the moment.

[oregoncoastbeachcomber]

I believe that my 6yo grandson has ODD. For example, he refuses to clean up after himself unless he is offered a treat as a reward, which only works sometimes.

He argues, is defiant and disrespectful, throws things, dumps out toys from the toybox, yells, and never does clean up, leaving his siblings to do the work. He has no remorse for these behaviors and does not care about his siblings doing his work. He doesn't feel guilty.

At times he will come back to me later being sweet and loving, apologizing appropriately, and then try again to get his way, only to get instantly angry when denied and starting the whole process over again.

Most days I can remain calm and firm but lately he has escalated to the point that I'm at my wit's end.

He sucks all of the energy from the room and demands 90% of my attention, leaving his 2 siblings to fend for themselves while I deal with him.

I am depressed and frustrated.

I love them all SO Much and I want to make our lives calmer and more fun.

[Ashley]

So when they dont comply with what they are told, such as chores or keeping room clean, what do we do? Are punishments such are no eating in room since you cant keep trash picked up adaquate? Or if you dont get your chores done, you lose wifi adequate?

[ajthomas]

Taking care of a 4 yr old who will scream at me every time he is asked to clean up toys he is playing with. Today he left the lunch table and while laying on the couch said dead Deedah (that’s what he calls me) and laughed, also said I was going to heaven. Just today he hit a 2 yr old, hit me, threw story time mat because we were going to do an activity before going outside.

[nodiva]

Some of the ODD signs I see in my child is always wanting to say something back to anyone who says something to her, the need to "pop off" when she is in a bad mood, and out right saying that she hates being told what to do. 17 years old

[nakatpasetakan]

I have watched several videos and will be implementing many of your lessons. Thank you for taking the time to make these videos.
However, one of the topics that I have yet to see addressed (perhaps I just haven't seen the relevant video yet), is the increasingly common scenario where the family is already split, one parent is dealing with the teen with ODD along with the other parent being non supportive.
To complicate matters, taken to the extreme, the other parent offers an exit.
When the teen has an exit plan, whether to the other parent or some place else where they are welcome to stay, then what prevents them from walking out the door when they refuse to listen, will no longer do chores, will no longer discuss anything, etc.
They are not afraid of consequences and often threaten to leave.
The best solution for their still-developing self, of course is to not go, but they are convinced otherwise.

What would you do for the teen in this situation, when another adult is actively working against you, thinking that they are also doing what is best for the kid who is obviously unhappy and not doing well?

[LterrioTerrio]

My 10 year old daughter was recently diagnosed with ODD. She was misdiagnosed for ADHD for 6 years. We treated it as ADHD including medication and counseling. The medication had no effect as she does noy have ADHD.
My daughter livest at home with myself, my mother, my father, and her 5 yr old sister. She is extremely aggressive towards all of us. Hitting or throwing when anything is said she does not agree with. She has shown she can be sweet and helpful. She often enjoys helping cook dinner. Immediately following this she will have a massive meltdown. Often she tries to "run away" or leave the house as she knows this is something I need to intervene for safety reasons. She is homeschooled by my mother and is extremely defiant creating a very difficult learning environment daily. My daughter does very well in dance and musical theater but does not do well at home or outside of the home when with myself or other family.

[ashleymalave]

Thank you I'm gonna check out this website. I'm in desperate help.

[weaver]

Are you familiar with PDA? I thought my son had ODD, but upon further research, I believe it’s more of PDA anxiety triggered avoidance to demands.

[ChristopherKershisnik]

Nicholeen I would love your help with my older children. I've attempted to employ the self governing methods with my children for the past 18 months and they (and my ex wife) have not responded well.

[alexsandrapeguero]

Hi Nicholeen my son is 22 years old, he tell me that he wish I am not existing in his life ? or don’t want nothing to do with me or my help . He pushing way everyone as well his stepfather, he stay inside in his room and only comes downstairs to eat, even avoiding eat with us as family . I am not sure if it is only manipulation, he is very smart and definitely are Defiant person . I really nee your help please 😢

[christopherparker]

My son refuses to complete daily tasks such as making sure his room is clean, personal hygiene and caring for our pets.

[aary]

Wont go to school, fight if you take away phone, refuses discipline measures

[jodipirelli]

OK, so rather than promote your show and promoting your box teacher some of the comments on skills that you think so many of us a lackey, if we’re lacking with patients and corrective behavioral techniques, what’s the magic wand?

[Maryrawks]

Our niece is very aggressive always arguing, doesn't accept responsibility for her actions ever, if someone upsets her at school she will be horrible to them and is seeking revenge. On other peers or teachers. Never follows the rules. Very manipulative and do anyrhing to get out of her chores. Education or medication. 100% of the time she chooses to do wrong.