Understanding Narcissistic Tactics to Help You Heal

In this video, Dr. Fox delves into the nature of narcissism, emphasizing that all narcissists are not the same. They distinguish between narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), clarifying that while NPD is a diagnosable mental health condition, narcissism can manifest in varying degrees and forms. The goal of the narcissist is explored, highlighting their tendency to seek admiration and validation while lacking empathy for others. It's noted that individuals can exhibit narcissistic traits without meeting the criteria for NPD. The concept of narcissistic enlistment is introduced, illustrating how narcissists manipulate others to serve their own needs. Furthermore, the video discusses how all narcissists exhibit grandiosity, though there are two primary types: vulnerable and grandiose narcissists. The notion of a narcissistic wound is explored, describing how perceived threats to their self-esteem can trigger extreme reactions in narcissists. While some question whether narcissism is incurable, the video outlines a process for treating narcissism, emphasizing the importance of therapy, self-reflection, and building empathy to address underlying insecurities and develop healthier interpersonal relationships.

Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award-winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 20 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.

He has published several articles and books in these areas and is the author of:

Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:

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00:00 Introduction
00:21 All narcissists are not the same
00:43 Narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder
01:37 Goal of the narcissist
02:57 Narcissistic but don’t have narcissistic personality disorder
04:13 Narcissistic enlistment
04:51 All narcissists are grandiose
05:01 Two types of narcissists
06:25 What’s a narcissistic wound?
08:38 Is narcissism incurable?
10:50 Process to treat narcissism

NPD and domestic violence:
Lambe, S., Hamilton-Giachritsis, C., Garner, E., & Walker, J. (2018). The Role of Narcissism in Aggression and Violence: A Systematic Review. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 19(2), 209-230.

[hyperionsolomon]

I found taking shame out of it to help the individual realize they are overcompensating at their own expense, causing distress or even worse, over compensating at OTHERS expense, which hurts people. Perhaps refer to the individual as needing to recover from narcissistic abuse in thier childhood. Appeal to thier ego. We are supposed to build people up, but how can one do that when they constantly feel not-good-enough. They have to genuinely learn over time, that they are enough. Finding the deepest levels of inner dialogue in childhood damage helps too. Mine reinforced on a daily basis my ENTIRE life that I will never be enough, even when I did something flawless. They could always find a reason to complain. This lead to an inner critic that made me see the bad in everything, a kind of black thinking. That also made me depressed and anxious, and I know it hurt people when I was younger and less evolved. I had to learn how to build people up too, and that starts with being able to slow down and tell oneself, it is enough. You're life will have so much more meaning and joy once this shift happens. I hate how they use a deragorty and unforgivable term to describe a spectral trait. It's embarrassing. In closing, I'd like you all to know, you are enough. Don't ever forget this. 😊

[bryanmccaffrey]

Thanks to your workbook and talking with my therapist and friends, i have figured out I dont have BPD. I do have the attachment system you help define. I scored low in everything except that. I admire your work. I'm modeling my grad school studies after your style. I have nsrcissistuc traits I can see. Those can change after seeing them.

[stephbowler]

Thank you for your videos! Thank you for bringing light to this subject. I grew up with a narcissistic mother and it's difficult for me to put into words what it's actually like interacting with them. I appreciate you bringing clarity to something I've dealt with most of my life!

[carlorizzo]

ThankU! Always need mentoring on this subject! Many years ago I expressed to my therapist my horrific worry that I am narcissist. He wasn't too enthused. But he went on to describe that there is a healthy narcissism, often termed self esteem or self respect. Hmm, interesting & subtle. Turned out I'm neuro-diverse, shadow autism

[albertoberto]

I am still to see one single person diagnosed with NPD which maintains adaptive behaviour through time. I have NPD, always something happens, and you cannot take it anymore, and you are in square one. I think false hopes are damaging, I've been there. There is room for improving, but nothing amazing.

[foxyrollouts]

You Sir! Are a genius. Thank you for your help

[FlowerUruguay]

I’m afraid I might have covert narcissistic traits… hearing that is curable gives me hope, I hate feeling like a victim. Is there an official test I can do to see my score level of narcissism?

[foxyrollouts]

I am always riveted by your videos.
I have cptsd from dad and sister and being neglected

[aabee]

This was a really interesting video, especially the 3rd point about whether narcissists can change.

I was wondering, if you have the time to answer, what would be an adaptive strategy to use if a person feels their partner might be wanting to cheat, perhaps because they have been flirting with others in front of their partner? Also what would be an adaptive way to deal with feeling worthless when faced with people who are more successful professionally rather than simply running away? Is there a resource listing adaptive strategies? Also in both of these scenarios how does one discern whether the problem is the recipient's maladaptive reaction or whether the other person is deliberately trying to belittle or manipulate the person? It could be both people who are behaving narcissistically right?
Thank you for your insight.

[billytitus]

From maladaptive to adaptive. Thank you.

Bipolar myself - Alice Miller’s study on its etiology mirrors so much of this. How do you see these personality disorders, and somatic disorders such as bipolarity, relate?

Because they seem to be different maladaptive patterns, cognitively or even somatically integrated - for instance borderline personality disorder versus bipolar disorder.

Could you expand on this?

[savedbyhismercyandlove]

I grew up with a Narc Mom and a older Sister that followed Her Model and become a 2nd Narc Mom...add a Aloof Dad that did nothing to help...Is it common for a older sibling to follow that Model?if so why?Many thanks

[raelynnwolfe]

NPD often goes undiagnosed correct? I mean what narcissist is gonna go to a psychiatrist and tell on themselves...correct?

[renacleerican]

Bpd and npd have very similar symptoms...it's pretty confusing.
I got bpd, accorded to several diagnosis, but the two disorders are too very similar to me, to not think I am probably npd in fact?
What are the fundamental differences between npd and bpd that uses psychiatrists to help their diagnosis?
My relationships with he others, myself, are so chaotic, I feel I'll never manage to create sane links with anyone. Does npd tend to isolate themselves a lot too?

[trishwilliams]

Ya lost me
2 minutes left… still listening to everything about NPD. I came here to learn (what the title says) How to protect myself!

[上口秀文-cy]

THAT I DON'T KNOW IS FELT COMPLEX TRAUMA AND MY MR FLATCHERLY CAN I LEARNED TO SURVIVED OF MY EXHAUSTED PLEASE TALKING IT.

[danielhernandez-fomj]

So this is where I allways get caught up and confused with narssasisum.... expecully as you describe it with traits being on the I had to do domestic violence work and my therapist had to run a narssasistic spectrum test .... i dident fall in thr spectrum though I do have traits do to my bpd and in my past my petulant self-destructive reactions have landed me labeled as a narssasit or when I was younger possibly having the how dose one not confuse a petulant self-destructive male borderline as a vulnerable shame is totally what drives my petulance and abandonment and rejection drives my self but so meny peole have confused me as a narssasit when I'm a bordelrine I wish you could do a video trying to break down the differences between like a petulant self-destructive borderline and a vulnerable narcissist