5 Tactics Used by Narcissistic Parents

I often talk about toxic tactics used by narcissists in romantic relationships. But, what happens when the narcissist in YOUR life is your parent? Do parents with NPD use similar tactics and mind games on their children? In this video, I will discuss 5 common ways that narcissists groom their children, all while making their family appear "normal" and "perfect" from the outside looking in.

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About Lise Leblanc
Lise Leblanc is a Therapist, Life Coach, and Author with over 20 years of experience in therapeutic, educational, and leadership roles.

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DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION IN THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL ADVICE, DIAGNOSIS OR TREATMENT. All content is for general information purposes only and does not replace a mental health care of consultation with a health professional.

If you have thoughts about harming yourself, get help right away by taking one of these actions:

Call 911 or your local emergency number immediately.
Call a suicide hotline number. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) In Canada: 1.833.456.4566
Call your mental health provider, doctor or other health care provider.
Reach out to a loved one, trusted friend.
DISCLAIMER: THIS IS FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR MENTAL HEALTH CARE.

Introduction (0:00)
Narcissistic Parent Families (0:43)
1: Insults and Micro-aggressions (1:57)
2: Violate Boundaries (4:24)
3: Don't Acknowledge Achievements (6:45)
4: Emotional Manipulation (9:01)
5: Play Favourites (10:53)

#narcissist, #NPD, #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder, #covertnarcissism, #femalenarcissist

[shak]

5. Never satisfied / dismissive
4. Hypercritical / Angry
3. Emotionally distant / unloving
2. Self absorbed / money focussed
1. Controlling / only 1 opinion matters… theirs!

[Zoe-imth]

I'm 40 years old and I'm still struggling with fear and shame. It's still hard to be my true self and ignore the voices that still criticizing me in my head.

[marcin]

Both of my parents were narcissistic. My childhood wasn't much fun.

[HonkyKong]

I hated being the golden child to my narcissistic mother. It made all my brothers hate me. I am the oldest of 5 and have no real relationship with anyone in my immediate family because I was set apart on a pedestal. 45 years old and this is still making a mess of everyone lives...

[Jantonov]

This is my mom. It took me until I was 50 years old to know how to handle her and deal with the damage she caused. At this point I sometimes find it comforting when she's abusive because it reminds me that she was not a good mother and that I"m not crazy or weak for needing the help I'm seeking.

[sharonjones]

Poor me. 64, went no contact at 19. I’ve have some contact with her over all these decades, but it was short visits while I visited my sister. EVERY one was stressful. 2022, I read researched studies narcissistic people and the dysfunction and dynamic of the family. I, was the scapegoat and found that sister, was…still is…golden child. I say poor me, but I’m doing great!!! Thriving ❤❤ thanks for your video.

[motinuppi]

The most terrifying thing to realize about your spouse after they discard and divorce you is that all this may have been a part of their plan to have their way with the children. They really have no means to know what is being done to them or to fight back after you are removed from their life - which is very likely to occur if you are the man.

Following the common wisdom not to tell negative things about your spouse to your children means that the narcissistic parent has the upper hand. They don’t care about such rules and their abuse will go on and unnoticed until all the damage is done.

We really need a better way to identify such situations in divorce.

[christinahavel]

My mom to a T. She has isolated me, praised others like they were the golden child(I don’t have siblings, but have gotten so much heat from my mom…), and totally destroyed my image. She has made me drop it off College, she has said ‘Well they’re better than you…’ indirectly, and made me feel worthless. I will have to gray rock her. She hates it, so far. She’s tried to make me give her her fix of my emotions.

[sithlord]

I was scapegoated by my narcissistic family 😔

[gisparadise]

I was married and lived with a narcissist man for over 22 years without even knowing about it. It ruined our 3 kids life’s. They still suffer from it, and so do I. It’s a cruel way to live and a hard thing to forgive and forget.

[plusone]

There should be a constitutional ammendment to give every child a narc eating dog. Most dogs growl when there's emotional dysregulation or worse. My childhood dog (collie) once took my mother out when she was chasing me down. Ran between her legs and sent the maternal unit into an endo. Good times. Good dog. Bad parents.

[lasticonoclast]

Thank you for explaining what happens to the child of a narcissistic parent, and what to expect should one forgive such a parent. For a long time, I exhibited all of the hallmarks of the abused child. I have spent a lifetime trying to overcome low self-esteem, as I had been brainwashed into believing I was somehow unworthy or flawed, even as I excelled academically, am surrounded by a beautiful family, and will soon be retiring as a corporate CEO.

About 10 years ago, when I was 50, my father suddenly cut me off over something so trivial that I have tried ever since to make sense of it. On the one hand, I was relieved to not have to maintain a relationship that was primarily about satisfying my father’s ego, but that sense of nagging guilt remained. Some family members tried to reconcile us, but I knew I needed to avoid what had been a toxic relationship.

You have now shed further light on my experience, and freed me from any lingering feelings of guilt. That is a particularly difficult challenge in my culture, where parental and ancestral reverence remains absolute. Each day, even as I recently turned 60, I am grateful to learn from experts like you, so that I can continue my journey of self-healing.

[simonstrba]

When I was fifteen, my father sold me a bicycle and then threatened to take it away from me if I didn't behave. Moreover, I didn't think it was out of line at the time.

[monibushan]

Holy freaking smokes!!! This video literally captured my entire adolescent years, young adult stage, and my current circumstances with my narcissistic mother!!! I'm aware and I'm trying to heal. Sending healing mercies to all of my fellow narcissistic survivors!!! ❤

[hunglikeaslave]

I wasn’t allowed to have a door on my bedroom until I was 20 years old. They finally put one on because my grandpa who I hadn’t seen since I was 3 was coming to visit and they wanted to use my room to let him stay in. I’m now 32 and just realized a year ago that my dad isn’t my best friend and I’m all sorts of messed up lol

[sudoku]

Dear Miss L Leblanc,

Although not necessarily everything you say applies to my own dysfunctional family, your video still means a lot to me. I thank you for its existence.

As a (male) survivor of ghastly narcissistic abuse in childhood at both of my parents’ hands, I can't resist the urge to point out that in today's world most people (at least in a typical modern & developed society) realise that it's simply moronic & incredibly naïve to presume that ALL policemen/women must be upright and law-abiding individuals, as there are now verified reports & documented cases of police officers abusing their legally endowed power for illegal or immoral ends. Then, why don't/can't people apply the same wisdom to their perception of parenting?

Just think of the shocking & horrendous Austrian case of incest that came to light in 2008 where an evil father Josef Fritzl imprisoned his own daughter Elisabeth in a cellar for years and compelled her to gratify the selfish desires of his body! I truly deserve to be called an idiot and a monster if I request Elisabeth to celebrate Father’s Day or if I rashly conclude that hers is only a rare and isolated case!

Is a person who dares to assume that parental maltreatment of children never (or rarely) occurred in all human history less insane than someone who proclaims that no firefighter has ever committed arson in all human history?

[jonathanuniverse]

The video examples are great. As always everything is relatable to me as the former scapegoat in a highly toxic and abusive narcissistic family. My covert narcissist father was a very successful professional, considered to be a pillar of the community and a great guy to the outside world. Behind closed doors however, it was almost unsurvivable for me (my father is not the only narcissist in the family). I feel that my story is a bit different from many scapegoats in the sense that I always knew something wasn't right with these evil people and I would even deny much of the allegations levied against me (which I'm sure made the abuse even worse). After I figured out that narcissism was the issue/problem in the family, I managed to convince my mother who had been married to the narcissist for 58 years. She was on the verge of losing her mind/memory from all of the gaslighting but now 3 years after leaving the narcissist, her memory and brain fog have been improved drastically (much to the surprise of her doctor) and she is enjoying life in her 80's.

[pedrokarstguimaraes]

Do you know how much you’re accurate? 100%!
Above physical violence when small, it turns to menace of verbal violence systematically, and criticism, all that masked to to best, to provide improvement and perfectionism. And control is based in absolute true telling all about children life’s, so they start controlling every detail. Children became instruments, being the golden child, or becoming truly a mean of sustainable family economy, and even entertainment. Parents turn to live children life’s with all that control. Of course, it goes to sentimental life’s, controlling the way son’s relate, how they relate. The worst is that children victims of narcissistic control tend to relate and being victims of narcissistic partners, so then it comes to be a fight to control, between narcissistic parents and narcissistic partners! Could it be worse? For what I can see around, there are two ways for children of narcissistic parents, or become another narcissist or to become a co-dependent, what can be not so bad, in the end of the day 🙄 And you’re right, it takes a lifetimes react and deconstruct all that control! It’s a very hard way finding and studying all that. We need to become more or less pro in that complex subject.
Thank from the heart Lise 🤗

[mkimmick]

Almost exactly spot on. I was engaged to my best friends sister who turned out to be a female narcissist. Understanding that nature helps give me closure and move on. Yes, I did in fact escape the relationship with her, but now her brother, my best friend, had to undergo the same 'ejection' from the family because he wasn't 'good enough' for their standards. He is now dead...alcohol-related. His family just didn't understand why he drank so much, and once he needed to stop the binge, he didn't head anyone's advice of seeking medical attention before he stopped drinking. Withdrawal symptoms won. He and I were very close, and while I miss my friend, I know he's in a better place now.

[st-m]

Love the way you bring up examples from pop culture 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼