Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse: Indifference

In Stoicism, indifference refers to a state of mind where people aim to maintain a sense of inner peace regardless of external circumstances. This does not mean apathy or lack of concern, but a deliberate focus on what can be controlled and acceptance of what cannot be controlled.

This video looks at the concept of becoming indifferent in the context of recovery from narcissistic abuse, and cross overs with the Grey Rock method.

You don’t care how they’re doing, what they’re doing or even who they’re doing it with
#indifference #recoveryispossible #greyrock

[LTNyota]

If you react when they poke you and start to go grey rock. Watch their reaction. The are so befuddled because they were waiting to feed off your reactivity and when they don't get anything to feed from it leaves them in a strange place.

[ricardajames]

You just decide not to give your energy to them. Thank you very much. ❤

[bs]

Yes, please cover this topic more. Becoming indifferent to toxic people and finding internal peace is the goal. Sometimes too many things happen and I find myself fighting back. Recovery is a marathon, not a sprint

[imnoel]

Thank you Darren! Yes to more about indifference in the context of narcissistic abuse recovery.

[juliaannegrider]

It's extremely hard when it's a family member you must live with. When they poke you like a bear. Attack you.

[natlions]

I used to work in a highly toxic environment where 'your circus, your monkeys' was my everyday mantra. This attitude it actually shifted my perception in such way that toxic people or circumstances have little effect on me these days.

Thank you for your valuable information, Dr. Magee! 🙏

[MT-txbu]

I like that you mention that, even still, their behavior is still hurtful. The narrative they spin is not honest. The more time you spend paying attention to their spin on the narrative the more you realize that it's a weak form of trying to keep themselves above you and whatever problem they've created. It becomes pathetic. They don't see it that way because their whole focus is on their narrative and not based on reality. If they can make you the problem, they have a reason not to take responsibility. Indifference means that you see that in them and that you're not going to take the false bait anymore.

[ac]

I'm conflicted as to whether my indifference is a healthy response to abusive behavior, or whether I've just allowed their indifference toward me to be contagious.

[SusanL-dslc]

Indifference with toxic people is the goal. Peace within. I don't go gray rock with people. Why should I pretend to be boring for their sake? Nope. I much prefer not being affected by them anymore :) It wasn't easy to get here, but it's the greatest in the end.

[tiffinid]

I have been able to apply indifference toward my parents and brother for the past several years, and it has been life-changing. My late husband taught me so much about how to apply it, and I truly try to apply his wisdom. My life is so much more peaceful now. Thank you, Leland - RIP.

[edenalicerosebelovedchildo]

5:40 - They are what they are. The way they treated you was painful but they would have treated anyone like that. It’s who they are.

[sarahwilliams]

I think if (polite) indifference is coming from self compassion, we can see it as a healing milestone, especially for scapegoat truthtellers. Ive found the recognition that i and my daughter, now recognized what other people's harmful behavior truly meant and didnt react to it (no explanation, no emotional rise or hurt). We just respond with a polite verbal + energetic cut off was an indication of how far we've come on the healing journey. My 12 yr daughters understanding and implementation of self compassion and her recognition/understanding of their projection/manipulation is incredible, she can still get upset at times- but now her bounce back is much faster, especially with our sense of humour. We can finally see and live quotes like Maya Angelo's 'when people show you who they really are, believe them' and 'let them be wrong about you' etc etc theres so many helpful quotes. If indifference means that your finally able to for the most part, not absorb and carry other people's toxic behaviors/ abuse, its something to be very proud of, after a massive amount of learning and healing 😊. Of course it still never ceases to amaze us the sheer quantity of narcissistic types are in jobs that they can abuse the power differential to exploit and harm, its a plague.

[mloustalot]

I've found part of the journey is experiencing grief about what you thought your relationship could have been, but isn't, especially when it's someone you must interact with in your day to day life. I tend to think of that person as disabled in some way, needing my care, but unable to hurt me.

[anothercat]

Very important stoic feature, since narcissists are every 6th person, roughly. We meet them every day, statistically.

[cstran]

Thanks Mr Mcgee. Perfect message and perfect timing.

[bereal]

Did you, I like that. We need to be able to handle these situations that don't drag us down ✌

[Anivasion]

I finally FEEL the words of THIS video, after finding so much of myself within the catalog of narcissistic abuse topics, you've discussed previously.

It feels good to cry joyful tears of relief from the side of indifference.

I gratefully appreciate your insights and I've learned so much from your videos. Thank you for sharing what you've come to understand, the context you have given sheds light on SO much that abusive people desperately hide.

[Dolphin]

For me the early stages was becoming aware of how my nervous system got dysregulated and hijacked around the narc.

Being present with myself and how I was feeling as much as possible.

It’s not dissimilar to the narcissist that uses other people (supply) to regulate themselves. I was allowing the narcissist to regulate and control my system.

Taking that power back, learning to regulate my own system through mindfulness, self-care, etc. getting to know my own baseline energy very well. I minimise contact or no contact with people depending on how much it disturbs my balance and peace.

With some I am much more prone to dysregulation because of certain dynamics and my own trauma etc. so it’s just a case by case basis if a relationship is healthy for me or not.


Now I would be very mindful if I am spiking extreme positive feelings with someone very early on. It is not sustainable, nor a natural state of presence and peace.

It would be like a pendulum, what would the opposite of this feeling (eg love bombing) be like? Because if extreme highs are present, it’s only natural law that extreme lows will follow for balance.

[jaynepainter]

I have this problem with a neighbor she is exceptionally abusive and a true narcissist, I must practice being indifferent to her as she feeds off response. Thank you 🙏

[kathy]

So well said. Regaining a new sense of self, confidence and a greater appreciation of ourselves. Thank you☀️