Signs The Narcissist is Testing You

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🎓Rebecca Zung is an attorney who has been recognized as one of the Top 1% of attorneys in the country having recognized as a Best Lawyer by U.S. News and is AV rated by Martindale Hubbell. She is also the bestselling author of 2 books, Negotiate Like You MATTER (foreword by Robert Shapiro) and Breaking Free: A Step by Step Divorce Guide.

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The commentary and opinions are for informational purposes only and not for
the purpose of providing legal advice. You should contact an attorney in your state to obtain legal advice with respect to any particular issue or problem.

[Fabian]

Victims also walk away and give silent treatments so that dosent mean they are narcissist the difference is knowing who is playing games and who isnt and is just trying to get away

[Love_Mel]

I feel like the constant reassurance is mostly for the victim after all of the lies, gaslighting, emotional abuse

[alessadolan]

He walked away, then i finally became peaceful. The best thing that ever happend in that relationship

[amylauren]

I remember the silent treatment, then the gaslighting afterward like he didn’t just ignore me for three weeks because I said something that he didn’t like. I’m so happy to no longer be walking on eggshells!

[CatMTravels]

Projection. Accusing you of being a narcissist when you grey rock them. They will say you're giving them the silent treatment. When you make an effort to escape their abuse they will say you're walking away / abandoning them. They say you're throwing a tantrum when you try to communicate. If you try to work on the relationship or ask for assurance or you ask if they care about you, you are "needy."

Don't fall for it!

[thisisaname]

A lot of people will do these things even if they aren't a full blown narcissist (and we all have narcissist tendencies... A person may be very low on the scale while another person will be high on it. NPD is at the extreme end). What matters is the context and the intention...

There are what are called "reactionary responses" that can actually mimic narcissistic behavior. For instance if the narcissist uses the silent treatment with their non-narcissist partner in time their partner may begin to adopt this as a coping skill against the narcissist. They may also walk away during an argument that becomes too much for them. And they may ask if the narcissist still loves them when the narcissist withholds affection because the narcissist has created a trauma bond.

But this is reactionary and a method of subconscious self preservation. It is not done with the purpose of manipulation.

But the narcissist WANTS you to react so they can reject you and make themselves the 'victim'... If you don't become reactionary they WILL find another way to reject you. This is their entire goal. It usually stems from abandonment or rejection they faced early in their development. Your purpose is to take on the role of the figure (usually their mother) that rejected them so they can separate from and reject them (the parental figure). But they never mentally progressed past childhood and will replay this over and over. They will never be satisfied. It has NOTHING to do with you personally. You are simply a player in their life. There were others before you and others will come after...

[jelkel]

They're awake, that's how to know when they're testing you.

[TeaWitcher]

Yea, I don't deal with "tests" from grown adults who should know better than to play games in relationships. I've worked too hard on myself to endure childish people (narcs). I just walk away forever with no explanation or announcement.

[thewuggening]

I gotta be honest guys. I’m getting the sense that “narcissist” fills the same role as “witch” did before psychology.

[Iivinginparadise]

Few things I know in my “toxic” relationship is, he would test me constantly asking me if I still loved him a few hours after a really bad fight. That fight consisted throwing water or Diet Coke all over me, name calling me horrible things and walking away saying I’m abusive…. While I just stand there taking all of what he did to me 😢
Another one was he called me a piece of shit for telling my mom that he forgot to sign the card I sent out to her, when really I meant to say I forgot to ask him to sign but he saw my message to my mom and flipped out over “he forgot to sign the card”.
Just a couple of recent examples that happened to me, there is far much more but it would make me cry typing it down.

Narcissists will flip out on anything and everything, especially if it’s not going their way as well. They often will blame you for many things when really they can’t hold accountability for themselves…

[MrGearoid]

Gaslighting was the narc's speciality. I mean he was an absolute master at it and he got everyone, and I mean EVERYONE in our social circle to gaslight me. It took me months to get to the bottom of it and then I left of course. No-contact rocks.

[ivanvilleneuve]

That "walking away" was just freedom!!!

[forgottenknowledge]

I'm the receiver of a narcissist. It's me giving the silent treatment, not them. I'm so tired of their stories I just zone out when they speak. There's no point reacting to them, or saying anything at all. I know what they gonna say before they say it. I have to do it to protect myself from their negative energy. There's no point offering a solution for any of their "problems." I'm the arsehole, now, apparently.

[bubblecat]

I feel like the constant reassurance can also come from those who have anxiety or adhd, ADD. Because I wanna make sure my partner is okay and is not mad or needs something.

[Em-imyz]

The narc giving me silent treatment after calling him out on his pathological lies

[melissakurtz]

That’s why it’s so important to have boundaries most of the time the Narkle try to overstep the boundary just to see how far they can take it

[Lily_and_River]

Just recently discovered the walking away was to punish me and it got worse because I was actually setting boundaries. I thought there was something going on with him. He said he was depressed and he had suicidal thoughts. Had to call the police several times. He could be so mad that I did that. Still not sure what to make of it. The professionals say to take it seriously even when it's manipulative. Just found out he was a covert, so I believe he was really depressed. But his depression did magically disappear when I went away. The fear of my own safety eventually won it over the fear and concern for him. I can't believe he put me through that intentionally. It's so cruel.

[fuqubish]

I personally always found that when I'm around the narc, I can watch these videos that have no talking and still have the reassurance I need without the narc hearing that I'm watching videos about them if that makes sense.

[JoeLewis]

Narcissists never walk away. They will always keep you there for when they need you.

[alyciamarie]

Yes my husband tell me “ everything is okay” constantly!!!! I am literally flabbergasted every time! Like dude no I’m not okay and I know that!!! You are okay! That’s the issue!!!! You are okay! Not